I feel very Depressed

Hi everyone, I know I don't post much but here goes .

I have RArth. And got a bad flare up about two weeks ago, the pain

Affected back of my thigh and calf and I can barely walk. It's painful

And slow.

Went to Physio last week and will see her Again in morning. I know Depression

Is part and parcel of Arthritis, but even allowing for that , I feel so Depressed.

Felt the afternoon drag and went to bed for nap. My friends children phoned

Me and they are calling tomorrow and said they will help me tidy up some stuff.

They are two really great organisers. Part of me wants to be left alone as I

Have no energy or motivation right now.

I feel part of this is my own fault as I put others first and find it hard to

Ask for any help for myself. I have been feeling this way for about two weeks

And it's very hard.

I made a pact with myself that if I still feel this bad at end of week that

I will go to my Dr. He is great, but I guess I just feel a bit pathetic that I

Can't help myself. I just find myself suddenly crying for no particular

Reason, and I am so tired of putting on this mask.

I found this Forum over a year ago and it's been great, all the lovely

People and I don't know what I would do without it.

I know that all this is typical depression , but I think the hardest thing

For me is to accept that I even if your on Meds, it's easy to have a relapse,

And I think that scares me a bit.

Hoping you all had a nice weekend. Weather is meant to be sunny next week.

Hannah

19 Replies

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  • Hannah I've been thinking about you a lot this last week or two. I hate to think of you in your pain. You really mustn't see going to the doctor as any sign of weakness. There are some things we can do for ourselves, and some things that people are paid the big bucks to help us with! Let your friends children visit tomorrow, but perhaps put a limit on it. Tell them that you need to leave at a certain time to go out. It's lovely that they want to come and help you, but that doesn't mean you have to have to struggle. You are a huge support to me and so many people on this forum and you know that I am always around anytime you want to chat xx

  • Lucy thanks. That's a great idea about the children. I will tell their

    Dad to pick them up fairly early.

    Hannah x

  • Hi Hannah, sorry to hear you arent so good. I havent been on here much myself, but when I saw your message it caught my eye. You were always so positive and have given me some good bits of advice and support. It is ok to have a relapse. Just accept it is part of living with this horrible illness.

    Try to keep positive and dont beat yourself up for not doing much. I am not doing much with myself.

    Take care.

    David x

  • David you seem incredibly busy?! X

  • I may seem busy from the message I sent you. I read it back afterwards and was suprised. I have to push myself to do exercise. I get to the gym but only cycle once a week for about half an hour. I help at the community centre about two hours a week. The rest of the week I sit watching daytime tv. I have no energy or motivation. X

  • Oh David thanks so much, your right of course, I just have to accept that

    It's the way I am right now.

    Hope your doing ok, try and enjoy the Summer and don't let too much worry

    Creep in. Really we all have only today.

    Appreciate your reply

    Hannah

  • Hi Hannah,

    Sent you and a few other people pm, hope it didn't upset you. I'm not making much sense lately due to being frazzled. I also have felt particularly anxious for the past couple of weeks for a number of reasons. The pm was never meant to stress anyone out, it was meant to help people. Just message me privately if you want to talk about it and have questions.

    I've sensed you've been going through a rough time lately, however much you try to hold back. I second the replies from everyone else... Hannah just imagine for a moment if it wasn't you who wrote this post but a friend of yours and you were reading - I know what you say to them, you would tell them that there's no shame in going to the doctor and advise them go. Try to put yourself in that position as looking from the outside and take your own advice.

    RA and depression and illnesses - and when we have an illness we go to the people who make us better. They are not there to test our strength in terms of how long we can go for without asking for help, how long you can carry the burden on your own for - although I dare say you've done a great job carrying it already - so give yourself a break. Sometimes it takes more strength in fact, to accept that we need help and ask for it. Do it soon, ring them. The sooner you do it the better, it's better to treat it early.

    Gentle healing hugs,

    Fay xxxx

  • Thanks Fay. I won't delay I will go sooner rather than later.

    Your right, I would say why struggle on. So thanks for that .

    Hannah

  • No problem. :) I'm glad I've helped you to see more clearly.

    Hugs,

    Fay xxxx

  • Hannah

    I am so sorry you are in pain and feeling so depressed. I hadn't realised you had such bad joint problems as RA but can understand absolutely why you are feeling so depressed, pain is really difficult to deal with and I know that when I was in pain I just dropped lower and lower. Why do you think you should be able to cope with pain by yourself - no one else can! You are expecting too much of yourself.

    Have you been prescribed anything for the pain? I do know that much can be done for RA pain and there are some really good pain clinics within the NHS so why not ask your GP to refer you to one, also you might ask him whether it might be worth your going onto an antidepressant which reduces inflammation as many of them can do both.

    What you are feeling does not sound like simply depression but also sounds like a person who is struggling to cope with pain, so do seek help with that and stop struggling on on your own!

    Hugs and love,

    Suexx

  • Thanks Sue you are quite right, My normal anti inflammatory pain

    Stuff Arthrotec just doesn't seem to be working at all

    Will go to GP and get advice, I have appointment 7th July with Rheumatologist

    And was stupidly trying to hang on for that.

    Yes the pain was really getting me down, thanks again

    Hannah x

  • Oh I didn't realise you were so bad either Hannah. You so very rarely complain and I think you are very brave. Don't beat yourself up about it please - no one can be strong all the time. What a great idea to put a time limit on the visit, though it's brilliant that they want to come and help. Go and see your doctor please - maybe you need better painkillers? You shouldn't have to put up with this level of pain. Sending you lots of hugs too

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hannah)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Love ya. xx

  • Oh Hannah I'm so sorry that you're struggling with your pain & feeling so down

    You have made me feel so welcome here & given me great support at my lowest points & I am eternally grateful to you for that

    I'm thinking that you shouldn't have to suffer like this & wondering if you can be prescribed stronger painkillers

    Definitely a visit to GP & tell them how you're feeling & try not to be so hard on yourself .. you are not pathetic .. you are in lots of pain and that is exhausting

    Sending you lots of Healing Hugs like you have sent me when I needed them

    Lots of Love

    Lesley xxxx

  • Lesley oh thanks for that. You were the easiest person in the world

    To help. I did understand you as I had been there myself

    Yes I will see Dr. Monday and get pain relief sorted. It just seemed to escalate

    So quickly.

    Hugs

    Hannah

    xx

  • Hi Hannah, so sorry to hear about your RA playing up; it is a debilitating condition and it is hard or nigh on impossible to keep positive when one is in a lot of physical pain (or so I find anyway) so I do hope your doctors visit was fruitful and you now have something more to help you manage the pain. You are always helpful and supportive of others on here and you rarely post about your own difficulties so sending you lots of TLC online ,

    Hugs (((()))) Gemmalouise XX

  • Thanks Gemma meant to post today. Dr started me on anti Inflammatory

    For 2 weeks. He also gave me a Rx. Fir pain relief. I am hoping it gets

    A bit better every day.

    Gemma our health is our wealth, and I have learned something

    From the pain and Depression, to live in the moment or to enjoy

    The moment as we never know when that moment will be

    Snatched away.

    Gemma thanks for mail and kindness.

    Hannah x

  • Hi Photogeek,

    I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now. Chronic pain is such a confining illness. I'm glad that you were able to go to physiotherapy. That is a very positive step, and you should be very proud of going there when you are in obvious pain. I hope that your friends children were able to provide you with some support. I can relate to how you feel about asking for help for yourself, I have a problem with asking for help when things become too much, I left my health problem to be supported up until three weeks ago when I had the severe symptoms for over a few weeks but going to the doctor was one of the more better ideas that I made. You should not feel pathetic about going to see a doctor. Doctors are there to help you, to help people when they are having health issues. You clearly need support . if you need to cry, then cry. Don't put on a mask. If your doctor can help you, then he will be able to help you much more effectively if you don't hide how you truly feel. Sometimes you need to share your burden with others who can help you.

    Best of luck to you, and I apologise if any of this does not make sense. I'm a bit tired of translating.

  • Hi Purplemonkey thanks for your sensible reply, it makes a lot

    Of sense and now that I am on new Meds, I feel more positive. I am

    Not sure why I hate asking for help, but maybe it's time to change.

    Just a Q Purple what do you mean by tired of translation . I'm curious! Lol

    Hugs to you.

    Hannah x

  • I'm glad that you've been prescribed new meds. I hope that they are working. Sometimes when we ask for help it makes us feel vulnerable and open to rejection. I think you should ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. There are times when my pain (I have Endo) can become too much that sometimes all I can do is tottle to the bathroom -- and then I'm in more pain because I don't ask for help to get there. I get nauseous and dizzy afterwards (TMI, sorry) and sometimes I have to wait for it to ease a little to crawl back to bed.

    Ah, I've been translating German-French-Italian documents to English and back again (on Paleolithic cave bears). Sometimes typing in English is much harder afterwards.

    -Kat

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