How do I survive this situation of mental abuse when I'm penniless, suicidal and too many Catch 22 to get any help from my GP or socially?

[Chandra]

I came to the UK to get help for my stepson who has mental health issues that were constantly dividing the family negatively. I had a breakdown a little more than a year ago which landed my inpatient psychiatric care for nearly a month. As things broke down further, it became necessary to do something to get him out of the situation and try to bring him up to a companionable level to the other kids and the rest of the family. I left Berlin with the 2 youngest, came here, got the boys in schools, found an apartment and started getting help at the Claybrook Center. After we arrived in the UK, my husband stopped his therapy for anti-social behavior and became more emotionally abusive than I was used to. After a series of ultimatum's he dropped me.

Since then, I've managed to hang on and got through the suicidal phase by living for my children who are both here with me in London now. Our situation is falling apart and because of all the holes in "the system" in America (where I'm from), Germany (where I married) and The UK, I'm a resident of nowhere so I have no money, no support and don't qualify for them anywhere where I can get to on account of other abuses committed towards me.

Does anybody know any organizations for women who fall between the cracks whose lives are in the hands of mental health care?

[hedgecrone]

I don't know of any organisations for women but you could try contacting the CItizens Advice Bureau for free advice and help. They would be able to tell you what your rights are, and what, if any, help or support you could expect and what to do next.

You could also try an organisation called 'Rethink' - support for people whose family members have mental health issues. Might be a long shot but worth a try.

Good luck - it sounds as if you have suffered a great deal and really need the support and help.

[Chandra]

Thank you!

I have gotten a lot of really good advice from CAB, yesterday the one at the Royal Courts of Justice Family Law helped me fill in the divorce papers and Advance, an organization for violence against women that takes emotional abuse VERY seriously is doing some German stuff for me and they pointed me to the German Welfare Council for help with a few things as well. I've never heard of this RETHINK so I'll look into that.

I'm glad you replied so quickly cause I have managed to not get into suicidal thoughts but today I was just feeling that my kids lives would be easier-someone would care for them as they don't for me. It's really tough keeping my mind focused on positive things and right action because there's this wall of anger that a lot of pain is hiding behind. I've recently learnt that my entire childhood was unfathomably abusive which shocked me and had me thinking horribly for a few weeks because I always thought that everything wrong began with me. Now, I see there are causes and the wall of anger is quickly crumbling to reveal a lot of sadness that I fear could finally break me. I won't back down from what I have to do and the difference between the depressions I have now and the ones where I was going to do terrible things to myself is that tears come and the thoughts but they fade.

[Amy01]

Hi Chandra,

As a woman who has a daughter, and has experienced suicidal thoughts in the past, i can relate to how you feel that they would be better off without you etc. But I would like to state that this IS NOT the case. They know you, love you, and will be yours until the end of time. No one can take that away from you.

I would be very sad to hear you had given up, or left them with someone, as I am experiencing difficulties with the Local Authority in regards to me being allowed to bring up my own daughter. Although the pain may be immense, and sometimes feel unbearable, we must never give up on our kids!

Good luck with getting things sorted,

Amy x