Who's good with love..?

[Beokayy]

Today I asked my self what I am I scared of, to other people I would say snakes, spiders or even clowns but I answered my self truthfully today. I'm scared of losing people even if they just walk away, die or break my heart but I'm also scared of being alone. Being alone is when everything gets to me, I was alone today when I asked my self this question. I've pushed people that I care for away because I didn't want them hurting me but in the end I hurt myself. I'm trying to win this guy back that I stupidly pushed away but his gone all distances on me and I don't have a clue what to do. I feel like the only time I truly feel happy is at night or in the morning when I get to talk to him, I think I honestly love this guy but he no longer wants me, I hurt him.

[Humanintraining]

Based on life experience as a 27y old.

Put family first, meaning parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins.

In most cases, they want the best for you, will go out of their way to help you.

Good families take pride in eachother's wellbeing. So loneliness can be avoided by just visiting your family on a weekly/monthly basis, they'll come to expect it of you, and you'll be missed if you don't. Granted, family members can also be destructive. Just break contact with those individuals; try and understand them before you do. Make sure they understand you too. It's the mature way to handle this.

Put your oldest friends second, if your friendship lasts from highschool/college until they have vastly different lives then they truely appreciate your personality and equally want the best for you. They'll take you in and help you, for you. I'm not talking facebook friends, I'm talking about those friends where it seems like you have a never-ending conversation.

Then comes the partner. Mine left me for someone else after 6 years, of trying my very best; not harming her in any possible way and placing her needs first. Made sure she graduated university, made sure she could afford whatever she needed, physically and mentally was there when she wanted me to be, and never pressured her into anything "We do nothing for eachother out of obligation" was our mantra. What went wrong then? You may ask: well I was replaced, by a stranger to me in a different country, because he was richer and "her soulmate" meaning he liked the same music, cars and dealt with emotions the way she did.

You can NOT rely on a partner in the same way as old friends or family. You ask alot more of this person, to spend his nights with you, forever basicly. To tolerate your presence every single day and consider your needs every single day. It's so much to ask, that he might want to give all of that for someone else, who in his eyes, provides more in return or who he feels more comfortable with, and you can't turn into that person just like you can't turn into a turtle.

I'm not saying you shouldn't love. Do so. Loving is living. It's a drug, a high, a warm fuzzy feeling. Can it hurt? Oh fuck yes. "The pain I feel now, is the happiness I had before; that is the deal" - C.S Lewis.

It's worth it. Loving is worth the pain. A life without loving is just boring, stale.

Now I'm not saying you should pursue this guy that you hurt. It's probably going to set you up for drama. You're going to relapse. Seeing as you seem quite insecure, being together with someone who basicly has a free pass to hurt you back, will feed into that even more.

Take a step back from your emotions, and look at where you want to be, and who you want to be there with. Consider that if you're anything close to attractive, that, coupled with your intelligence which you seem to have, will get you a new boyfriend in a flash. Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Hinge, speeddates; if you take care of your body and looks, you've got an entire legion of men to pick from. Love a guy, build a life with a guy, trust him, and be disappointed over and over until you find that guy that doesn't disappoint. Ride the highs and lows of love.

Shake of this irrational fear of being alone.

You will never be unless you intend to be.

Good luck

[Beokayy in reply to Humanintraining]

Thank-you so much very appreciated

[terriltwin2]

I know none of us want to feel the fear or pain of abandonment or a broken heart. However, going through these are a learning experience about ourselves. If you chose to push love away, you will never know what it was to truly love. There are always risk at loving other humans for all of us, weather it be a romantic relationship or a friend we love hurts us, however, don't pass on love because of being scared. You won't know what it was to feel love if you pass on it or push it away. Remember you are not alone, and hurt and fear are a normal part of life and we are strong enough to go through it and learn from it.

We do live through it and are restored and rebuilt from it, we can be rebuilt stronger by allowing ourselves to hurt and love with all our hearts.

Psalm 34:18, " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, He saves those crushed in spirit". Our bodies are never broken, our hearts may be hurting, our spirits crushed, however, the Lord restores and rebuilds to make us better than we were before.