i think something is wrong with my brain

[ilikekitties]

i have been struggling for the past 5 years of my life. i feel like im not human. like there is something wrong with my brain. i cant fuction like the people around me. i constantly find myself dazed and wandering in my own head. it’s so hard for me to pay attention to people talking to me because my mind starts thinking about things i should be worrying about. and i worry about alot of stupid stuff. like how i’m supposed to respond to conversation, or if my posture looks awkward to other people, or if other people are thinking that i am full of myself. i worry alot about what other people think of me. and it makes it really hard to connect with other people because i am constantly overthinking my reactions and how other people think of what i said. the thought of people thinking of me negatively truly hurts my ego and it consumes my mind completely. its so hard for me to hold a genuine conversation because i feel like im always trying to act a part. like im trying to act as someone who other people would want to be around. i have friends but i still feel uncomfortable during confrontation. i also feel like i cant handle accomplishing minors responsibilities and it feels like everything i have to do is just piling and piling on and it really stresses me out to the point that i wish i would get into an accident so i could avoid these responsibilities altogether. i have no motivation to do anything in life. i feel like a piece of garbage. i have no true purpose. and i tried to find something that would spark my interest but it usually ends up with me losing interest anyway. i feel like im just floating through life and never actually living it. i sometimes think about killing myself but i know i could never hurt my mom like that. i hurt myself during times that i feel completely miserable with myself, but not to the extent of actual self harm. like i would scratch at a specific part of my leg or arm so that i could feel something other than self hatred and doubt. i haven’t scratched myself deep enough to bleed through. i keep trying to find an answer to what i am, but i am a psychology major and i feel like none of what im feeling is severe enough to diagnose as a mental disorder. but i do strongly feel that something is wrong with me. please let me know if there are other people who have felt the same, or what i could possibly do to fix myself?? any response would be deeply appreciated. i just feel so alone right now

[Cona91]

I'm exactly the same, i just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, i wake up in the morning and there's just nothing no motivation, i can't think of anything to do, everyone else seems to just live life but i can't, i can't talk to people because i feel like everyone hates me, if someone talks to me for a bit i cant focus on what they're saying i just have no interest i just wonder off in my head mostly thinking how i can get away lol, even little things like going to the shops i have to fully mentally prepare myself, thinking of all the situations that could happen even though there are non my brain just loves a really good overthink lol i used to go fully red as well no matter who was talking to me and that was a complete nightmare, i really want to live a full life but i just dont see the point in doing anything even though i want to, like i get invited out all the time but ill never go ill turn my phone off and stay in, i want friends though but don't like being with people lol its hard having such a messed up head.

[hypercat54]

Hi it sounds to me like you could be suffering from anxiety, especially social anxiety. You need to go and see your doctor as there is help out there. Don't be worried about being dismissed as mental health is the second biggest reason to see your doctor and they have heard and seen it all before. If it helps then write it all down or take someone with you who can tell them what is going in. x