Concerned mother

I am extremely concerned. I am a mother of a teenage daughter who has been in relationship with a boy for quite sometime. I find myself somewhat obsessed with their relationship. I try not to get involved but I do. sometimes I’m asked to get involved other times I’m not. I realize the likelihood of this relationship making it is very iffy because they are so young but it isn’t unheard of. I just don’t understand why I feel so strongly about it and I can’t imagine the thought of them not being together and lately it seems they may be having issues. The boy is part of our family now and I find myself dwelling over them, over problems they may be having, etc. As college years are fast approaching I find myself wondering what’s going to happen to them and whether or not they’ll make it and I literally make myself sick over it. Of course I understand as a mother I’m concerned for my daughter and her feelings in every aspect of her like but I don’t think what I’m experiencing is normal. Why am I like this???

[Hidden]

Hi Seekingans,

I understand some of your concern. I used to have the same sort of feelings when my kids were younger. We always want what we think is best for our children, right? Sometimes, we have to take a step back and let them live no matter how hard that may be.

Could your feelings stem from something that you experienced in your life? How are they taking this? Do they wonder why you are overly interested in their relationship?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

They do wonder, but at the same time they both have come to me and asked me to get involved on more than one occasion. Now we’re two and half years into it and it appears there may be problems and I honestly can’t stand the idea of them splitting. It makes me incredibly sad.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Wow! 2-1/2 years. You all have been involved in this relationship a long time. This makes it even more difficult to change. Yeah, I don't have to tell you that, right? I think it's great that they feel comfortable with you. So many parents would love that.

I know this is easier said than done, but you have to let it be about them. We can referee sometimes but it really is their relationship. They have allowed you into it. You can provide advice, but you have to let them decide what to do with the advice. If they split, you are going to feel the hurt too and that is okay.

Allow them to grow up and be independent. It sounds like you have done a great job as a mom. You daughter is young and nine times out of ten, she will have several more relationships before she finds "the one." Very few people end up with their high school sweetheart. If this relationship is meant to be, it will be. They might figure that out years from now. Who knows?

I'm asking you to give them a chance to live and move into adulthood. Don't try to force something that is not right for THEM.

If you don't have some things to occupy your time and keep you mind off of them, try to get involved in something.

I know this is difficult to read, but no matter how things turn out, it's going to be alright. I just want you to be alright.

Blessings!

Delta

[kenster1 Moderator]

you near enough answered your own question about being a concerned mother.they sound young so the concerns are natural.love conquers all so if its meant to be its meant to be.have you sat them both down and talked over about collage and the future with them.it does sound like he really likes her and your family make him feel really welcome so if you spoke to them I think it would be ok and reassuring for all involved.