What am I experiencing!!

[SearchingAnswers]

Hi, I am turning 17 next month and female, I currently go to high school and for around a year or two I have been experiencing symptoms, from my own knowledge and research of many different mental health disorders, but I still have no clue what I could have. Basically when it first started out I was experiencing feelings of depression, eventually followed out by feelings of being unattached and dissociated from myself and the world around me. Sometimes things would feel as if they are not real and I would then begin to question major things concerning the world, time, and feelings such as "is this stuff is worth it or not". All in all just a very strange thought process and ideas that were quite distressing to me. It went away a couple months ago, but it has just come back in some form. This time round affecting my emotions leaving me feeling quite apathetic. I am also finding myself feeling quite a bit less confident than I used to and much less motivated. I still feel very disconnected from myself and the world, as if something is just not quite right. I do not feel as present and as real as I should, very kind of blended in and neutral in a sense. I am feeling a little self conscious in a way, quite often worry about what others will think. I dislike kids my age, quite frankly they make me quite angry. I somewhat feel superior and more mature than others. I feel as if I see the world in a different way to others, clearer. I find myself quite self conscious/afraid, or I guess you could say shy and hold myself back in fear of judgment of my peers. I overthink A LOT. I also hate conflict. I also experience some sort of bad memory or memory loss. I also find it very hard to concentrate ad do my schoolwork, followed by a concerning lack of stress and motivation.

Sorry for the long post! I am just really hoping to get some answers or some direction of where this could be coming from or what it is.

[pugwash80 Supporter]

Hi I have depression due to childhood trauma. I guess I start noticing I was ill about you age. I am not saying you have that. What I'd like to say is see your gp and get professional help. The internet is great but it can't know you as a person. Secondly something's I wish someone had said to me. The bad times pass just hold on in there. Try focusing on the good things in your life. If there's things you don't like and you have the power to change them go for it. You come first.

Hug rach x

[SearchingAnswers in reply to pugwash80]

Thanks for your reply x The thing is I have seen my GP and I have a therapist but none of that really seemed to help as they just give me the answers I already have (I have a very strong intuition) so here I am alone again. Also all the symptoms that I have found from my online research (not saying it’s completely reliable) do say that they all come from some sort of child hood trauma which I don’t believe I had. Although recently it did come into focus that I have actually been bullied from a very young age, still leading into very horrible girls at school now, one in particular that really gets to me. This all puts me into stress and sadness. Anyways, only recently have I realised that I have never had a normal and happy period in my life from my childhood until now, always a distressing drama. What I came to thought with was, that I possibly went through so much shit in my life that it has just become normal to me now, Causing my mind to kind of shut down because it’s so overwhelmed with it all. So I’m wondering if that could classify as some sort of minor childhood trauma?

[pugwash80 Supporter in reply to SearchingAnswers]

It defo should be happening but I'm not a professional so couldn't say if it trauma or not. It's good that you see you should be treated better by this girl and other people. Good luck honey x

[Natsteveo]

Hi SearchingAnswers

So sorry your feeling this way we've all experienced this feeling one way or another in our life and still suffering with it now as well..

A childhood trauma definatly in my experience has a long term effect on us as adults and yes your situation could classify as a childhood trauma but you would need professional advice on that situation...it took the medical team over 10 years to discover I had ptsd from my traumatic childhood..I had 7 therapist before one of them discovered that I had it..unfortunately these situations take time but please don't give up if your not happy get a second opinion no one should ever suffer through the effects of any sort of bullying..Have you spoken to anyone regarding this situation eg: teachers..parents...friends.family do tell someone though hope this helps

Let us know how you get on

Nat