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Anxiety, sadness and guilt

Hello,

I'm new here and I'm looking for an explanation for my sadness and anxiety.

I honestly have no idea why I've been feeling so sad lately because I have no reason for it. I'm 19 years old, I have good grades, I'm in a great relationship and I have great friends. However, since the beginning of school holidays I've been feeling lost. I spend all day at home looking at my phone or watching tv, and despite not doing anything I always feel tired and somehow sad. The only "negative" thing is that my parents have always been arguing a lot, and therefore I grew up with the constant fear that they might get a divorce, or that something bad happens. As I'm writing this I feel so ridiculous because I have no actual problems, but I can't get rid of this persistent sadness. I also sometimes have the feeling that something bad is about to happen, as if I didn't deserve this apparently "unproblematic" life and I deserve to experience something bad. Maybe I should add that I'm a very shy person and that it is very difficult for me to open up to someone. I don't like to talk about myself or about my problems because I always feel like I'm imposing myself and bothering everyone with my problems (like right now). That's why my closest friends and my boyfriend don't know anything about my sadness and the problems within my family.

Maybe it's important to say that nobody notices that I'm feeling sad and lost, because when I'm surrounded by people I feel good and all those bad emotions disappear for a moment. However, as soon as I'm at home alone thinking about life I get anxious and sad, and I start to feel that something is wrong. I also always try to convince myself that I'm an extremely privileged person, and that billions of people have it worse than me. Maybe my anxiety comes from feeling guilty about my life all the time, but I can't help it.

I don't know... I'm so confused about my emotions because I can pass from feeling like shit to joking with my mom within minutes.

Maybe I just have to wait for the holidays to pass, and maybe once I get into my routine (going to school and not being lazy all the time) everything gets better. But even if it does get better, there will be other school holidays and it will start all over again.

I'm so sorry for waisting your time reading this, and at the same time thank you for being on this website caring for other people.

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sandrad_

It all seems to stem from what millions of us suffer from ,and that is loneliness,feeling isolated and vulnerable.

having people around means we are more protected,and the feelings change for us,we can relax to a certain point.

you are lucky in knowing you have a good start in life, keep that in mind and enjoy it, because it goes by so fast.

Good luck and best wishes.

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Hi, you mention 'the school holidays' and 'being lazy all the time'. My natural inclination is to wish it was the school holidays so I can laze around too (sadly those days are long gone as I'm 39), but it took me a long time to realise that doing little can lead to low mood and depression and that sometimes doing things can give you energy and/or a sense of achievement.

Have you tried exercise? I've found going for a run or cycle can really boost the endorphins and lift the mood. You mention that the distraction of chatting to your Mum can help too - mindfulness meditation is good for this as well, as the purpose is to distract yourself from your negative thoughts by focusing on your breathing.

Finding ways to fill the days can help too - spend time with friends, go for a walk, to a gallery or to a city you've not been to before. I don't know if you drink, but I find alcohol can bring me down for the next few days so I've tried to reduce the amount I drink.

I appreciate that this is all easy for me to say as I'm still battling similar problems, but I find a combination of the above tends to help rather than one single solution. Anyway, all the best to you, good luck.

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