Where to start

[cmbmo]

Hi,

First off, sorry for what is going to be a long, somewhat meandering post.

So I've been told that writing things down can be a good way to express yourself when you are having feelings of depression. So I thought I'd give it go as I have to try something as my depression is now starting to affect my work, I'm finding myself unable to concentrate on even the simplest of tasks and simply have no motivation.

I thought my depression started 3 years ago when my mum passed away from cancer but have since come to realise I have been suffering for a lot longer than that and events after my mums death have just made things worse.

8 yeas ago I lost my job just 2 weeks after my 1st child was born an d I think this is where, unbeknown to me at the time, this all began. A year and a half later we found out my daughter had a congenital heart defect and was admitted to Alder Hey for what would turn out to be life saving surgery. We were told had it not been caught she would have died within 6 months. Then we discovered my mum had cancer.

At the time I decided to retrain in my current career and join the family business. I felt like I was taking positive steps forward for both myself and my family. Then after my Mum passed away my Step Dad basically showed no interest in continuing the family business, in fact he was dating another woman within 3 months of my Mums passing, they got married 15 months later. All the inheritance went to him and I have watch to watch him spend it on his new family whilst continuing to try and remain professional as I was still working for him. In March of this year I was told the business was no longer what he wanted to do so he was going to stop paying me a wage but I could continue to work on a freelance basis. This wasn't enough to cover my bills so I had to find work which took time and put me and my family under severe financial pressure. My in-laws abandoned us not long after my mother's death (that's a whole other story) and my aunt (my mum's sister) only ever spoke to us when she wanted something from us.

Last week my wife had a car accident, nothing bad no-one hurt but it has meant the car has had to go for repair. As such she is having to take the kids to work on the bus and this week there have been a series of strikes which has seen her having to walk a 4 and 8 year old 3.5 miles to school. The worst part about all of this is the realisation that we actually have no one to turn to to ask for help for something as simple as a lift, and despite everything I have tried to do to remain positive and strong for my family who are my world, this just feels like the straw that broke the camels back.

I have let my depression now get on top of me and I can't see how to turn it around. As I have said it has now affected my work to the point where I have until the end of January to improve or face a pay cut which we simply can't afford.

Any help or advice at this point would be welcomed.

[chloe40]

Hello there cmbmo

Oh my goodness, what a terrible series of events you been through and still going through. I really feel for you and you certainly need support, even a listening ear and that's what we're here for.

In my opinion you were probably depressed before all this happened but events have made this worse. Not only have you depression but the loss and grief you are suffering has deepened your despair. The lack of family support is very sad and I'm so sorry that they aren't helping, in fact they have made life worse for you.

Please do try and keep positive, hard as it is, it's a hellish time but you will get through this, you and your family. Please do contact your doctor to discuss your depression asap, dealing with this will help you cope.

I don't know where you are based but if in the UK, you could apply for some benefits to ease your financial situation.

I really do hope you will find the strength to keep pushing on and please remember we are always here for yo.

Chloe

[Hidden]

Hello cmbmo

I really do feel for you and I am sorry for the loss of your mum to cancer. You have experienced significant life events and had to cope with so much. I feel you need some help and support for your depression foremost. Chloe40 has given good advice.

In the meantime, try to do what you can and take one day at a time. We are always here for you to 'listen' and support you in any way we can.

Lottie

[heartbroken1]

you have had a rough time. l lost my son nearly 3yrs ago sudden death. l went to wake him up one morning and he had passed away he was 20, everyday l try to get myself out of bed the depression is overwhelming but l know l need to. my mum passed away a 1yr before my son of cancer that l could understand, lifes a bitch as they say