What's wrong?

[Mannara]

Hi I'm Mannara. A few days back I wrote my first post here crying about my problems and after a little bit of chatting i tought its gonna be okay but I was wrong.

I can't even count how many times in the past two years I've said to or I guess lied to myself that its gonna be okay. I don't remember how many times I've taken a fresh start and failed again and again and again. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I mean seriously after failing so many times I should be mad at myself I should me angry with me but I'm not.

The same old story has kept repeating in my life again and again for almost a year maybe more. I find myself doing nothing , moving no where , stuck in a place for no reason. Then I decide to move on , I make a routine follow it and get into zone . Then some kind of a speedbreaker comes and I'm immediately out of the zone and sometimes I don't even need a speedbreaker I just stop doing stuff for no reason . And by " doing stuff" I don't only mean study/work I stop doing everything exercising, journaling, reading , everything oh except for eating I start stuffing myself although I'm lean but still...

You know what I just realised that I don't have a moment in my life that I ever want to relive. Maybe its a good thing maybe it means that my life is better than before but I don't know ... its... I just don't have a good feeling about this. There is no spark in my and I know very well no one absolutely no one can help me accept for myself but I.... I think just stupid. I don't even understand why I'm writing this. Do I even know anything?

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello again Mannara

I really think you would benefit from talking therapies. You can ask your doctor to refer you or go privately. Seems you have a good deal to discuss in a way that you will help you understand why this is happening to you.

All the best

Chloe

[Mannara in reply to chloe40]

I've tried that. But it didn't worked. Actually I think I went to the wrong person. She was not even listening to me. She was just praising herself and her family. You see I'm in class 12 and because I was kinda depressed and lost I was continuously missing classes. As I was not going to school my attendance got short and I was not allowed to give midterms. After a few meetings between my school's principal and my mom he recommended my mom this counsellor. I didn't wanted to meet her but I had to. All she did was praised herself and her family, asked me to just focus on study and nothing else and gave me tuition teacher's number. These people just want to make many thats it. I don't know about any counselor who can actually help and even if I did my family... I can't ask them for this. There conditions are even worse than me. That is why I'm roaming around different sites that might help me for free.

Anyways I'm sorry if bored you and thanks for listening. I'll hopefully find a way out.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Mannara]

Mannara You are not boring anyone! I am a trying to find the right area of support for you but due to your age it is very difficult. Do you have a school Counsellor? There are many Counsellors that specialise with young adults and that is what you require in my opinion, so I would return and ask for a referral to another Counsellor who is qualified in your age group and area.

Another thought that has just occurred to me, I know of a website that has Listeners you can text type and chat to free of charge and although they are not Counsellors they will offer a listening ear as often as you want and there are lots to get involved with. This is for youngsters of your age, please do try it. 7cupsoftea.com

All the best

Chloe

[Mjj25 in reply to Mannara]

Hi mannara would it be possible to talk to your family my daughter suffered with anxiety and depression at university and she got to a very low place. I told her to talk to me about it that I will understand as I have clinical depression ,she has now come out the other side and very positive and now bless her she is trying to help me. She was on antidepressants and had counciling with iTalk for a little while and talking to me .It is good to have people to talk to that understand , I was pleased that my daughter told me as there is nothing worse than going through it alone .Take care sweetie

[Mannara]

This is funny I had tried this website but no results. And no I don't have a school counselor.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Mannara

What do you mean no results? There are absolutely hundreds of listeners on there for every conceivable mental health problem, so I would go back to it and find a Listener that will understand your situation. There really is no quick fix Manara, you need to put something in to get something back.

Chloe