Hi I'm Mannara. A few days back I wrote my first post here crying about my problems and after a little bit of chatting i tought its gonna be okay but I was wrong.
I can't even count how many times in the past two years I've said to or I guess lied to myself that its gonna be okay. I don't remember how many times I've taken a fresh start and failed again and again and again. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I mean seriously after failing so many times I should be mad at myself I should me angry with me but I'm not.
The same old story has kept repeating in my life again and again for almost a year maybe more. I find myself doing nothing , moving no where , stuck in a place for no reason. Then I decide to move on , I make a routine follow it and get into zone . Then some kind of a speedbreaker comes and I'm immediately out of the zone and sometimes I don't even need a speedbreaker I just stop doing stuff for no reason . And by " doing stuff" I don't only mean study/work I stop doing everything exercising, journaling, reading , everything oh except for eating I start stuffing myself although I'm lean but still...
You know what I just realised that I don't have a moment in my life that I ever want to relive. Maybe its a good thing maybe it means that my life is better than before but I don't know ... its... I just don't have a good feeling about this. There is no spark in my and I know very well no one absolutely no one can help me accept for myself but I.... I think just stupid. I don't even understand why I'm writing this. Do I even know anything?