I am depressive

[Rouky]

Hi, I'm new here and I just feel that I need to tell my story to people... I am in depression now, I am taking medication.

I'm coming a non-educated and rather poor family, but I decided as a young child that my education and career was the most important thing in my life. I was bright and talented in many things, as a child. I decided to go to University in Physics. It was though because I was the only girl in the courses and I have a very low self-confidence. Anyhow, I succeeded very well. I decided to pursue a master's degree, in the same small university where I did my bachelor (I'm from Canada, sorry for my English I'm francophone). This is where my depression began. I felt stupid and worthless. I got my degree but I still have the feeling that my work was lacking quality... After my master's I had a few phD opportunities, even some in Switzerland, but I declined because my mom, which was also my best friend and psychiatrist, got bone cancer. She died recently. I tried to find a job with my physics education, without any success. I recently got enrolled into another bachelor in computer science. It is going well, but I am still very depressed, sometimes suicidal. I am feeling like I worked all my life, studied very hard in complicated science, for nothing. I am feeling like a failure when I am comparing myself to other students I see . I do have some interests, for my future career, sometimes I am daydreaming about this...I am still reading some books to improve myself, but when my depression kicks in, I am afraid all of this will never be rewarding... ... my life sucks really. By the way, I am 26.

[starangel]

Follow your Daydreams no matter what it is because that is where your heart is leading you. That will be your passion and where your success lies. And try to be Kinder to yourself. Somewhere along the way you were made to feel worthless. And you took that on as your story. Now its time to tell a different, more loving story about yourself. Blessings.