I think there is something wrong w/ me and i don't know what to do. I also can't tell my mom right now bc she is very closed minded and will think im being overdramatic or foolish. (Im a sophomore in high school and the oldest out of 3. I live with my mom but because of constant arguing i spend most time with my grandmother.
ever since i was young i was extremely quiet and wasn't very social. This probrably was bc my mom never really took time to connect with me like other parents do or bc she had to work & i was at a daycare mostly. I didn't have friends until 4th grade ( tht i remember, i don't remember much before then.) growing up i always acted slow (mentally)at home. Whenever my parents would tell me to go get something 3 minutes later i would forget wht tht "something" was. my parents often told me i had book sense but not common sense. i tried to act like i had common sense but i just kept doing dumb things.
when i was younger(around 3rd grade) there was a time when i was jumping across the sidewalk when i saw a bike coming. when it came close i got a sudden urge to jump in front of it. so i did. or when i tossed a teddy bear at a small round statue above my head only to have it come falling down on me ( i wasn't injured btw).......
During the beginning of school we'd always fill out these questions so the teacher could get to know us. Like what's ur favorite color or who's your favorite artist. These were simple questions but it always took me entirely too long to answer them. I was overthinking i guess.There would also be these times at school where i could be doing absolutely nothing & a girl at the back of the class would start laughing & i'd think she was laughing at me. I often think that way.
2 of my teachers (through out middle school )told me tht they thought i had ADD bc of my lack of focus and constant day dreaming, but my mom quickly dismissed tht idea when i asked her to be tested.And even though i know i'm not shy (atleast when it comes to performing or public speaking), when people speak to me out of the blue i tense up and just look at them bc when i try to speak my throat shuts & i can't. I also hve been told that i talk fast.
I am in no way open w/ my friends even if they think i am, and i have to try really hard to hold conversations with everyday friends(sometimes) or strangers(always). Also lately i have been unable to remember to text my friends back. I usually put it off.
Im afraid of what ppl think of me and im always up late night/morning overthinking things. and there are some times when i am sad for no real reason or up regretting things i have said or done that most likely went by unnoticed. Like questioning wether or not i said thank you to somebody. These usually go away after i wake up though.
Sorry if this is a lot to read. I just really need to find out why i behave like this so i can fix it or get help.
Thank you for helping.