I'm new here and I never used to be like this. Where do I go from here???

I am a senior in high school and during this past year, I'm not sure what has happened or who I have become. I have always been a great student and athlete and this year I tend to look back on a lot of my accomplishments in my junior year. School has always stressed me out but only in a typical-kid way and not as much as it has this year. I also have always been a constantly happy person until this year. I have declined in every aspect of my life whether it be school or athletics or mood. I decided to take a very hard course-load this year in school that makes me feel extremely pressured and nervous, and I feel trapped because no matter how many times I've asked, my guidance counselor refuses to remove me from at least one of the classes and put me in a lower level. I procrastinate doing my homework and when I attempt to do it I am angry, irritable and always wind up snapping at my parents. As a result, I usually wind up staying up late doing homework or waking up super early to do it. I've increasingly developed eyelash and eyebrow pulling impulses when I do my homework as well. My grades are in a very painstaking decline since I've always made the honor roll every marking period. For sports, I was sick with mono for the majority of this year so recently it's been hard trying to practice with the other girls on my team and usually this is the only thing that makes me happy. I've been focusing a lot on my weight too and feel ashamed and upset if I eat anything in the least bit healthy. I've been so tired and it takes me a lot of effort and motivation to do anything anymore. My parents are urging me to see a specialist but I'm really against it because while sometimes I feel as low as i've described, I sometimes get jolts of being super happy and i'm usually very happy and crazy around my friends. I'm also playing sports at a very prestigious university next year so I have a lot of anxiety about not being up to the school's expectations. I feel super dumb saying all of this, but I'm really not sure where I should go next with all this or what I should do.

2 Replies

  • Hey. Your putting much pressure on yourself. Chill out. I slacked at school. I left after four year and I've regretted it. It may be hard now and you so stressed out but see in 5 years time when you have that job you want and house you can be proud that you stuck in and completed your classes with good marks. Just think one year isn't the rest of your life. I wish I could go back a start again. At least your trying to make the most of school be proud of yourself. Your parents will understand. Talk to them remember they know a lot more than you can imagine. I know I am one. As for the impulse eyelash pulling it's a reaction from the stress you've developed. Stress is a good thing in small doses. Make you work harder, move faster. Focus longer. Just learn to control the amount of stress you allow yourself to feel. Do more that you enjoy and have fun. You have one life and its sounds you trying to get a good start. Remember be proud that your pushing yourself. If you didn't you wouldn't achieve anything in life.

  • Hi. Slow down, run17. If you overfill a petrol tank, the fuel will run down the side of your car, splash all over you and continue down the street, making a huge mess that you have to clean up! You are a human being, not a robot and you need to begin to manage how much you are trying to put into one mind, body and soul. Firstly, give yourself some me time, i.e. eat well, stick to a sleep routine and play a bit - whatever you do for leisure, real leisure! Connect with family and friends and let them help you - remembering it is a two way thing. Buy a writing pad/small book and list all that you do in a typical day/week. Re-read it and begin to prioritise the things you have to do first and the things that can wait. Make a chart and stick to it. Obviously there may be occasions when a change on the list is necessary. Keep that book close to you and read it often, until you begin to feel you have this madness under your control. Buy a calendar, a red and green pen, and at the end of each day, put a red x on that day if you feel it was not good, or a green tick if it was good? Then look at it periodicaly and see how many days have a green tick. It makes you feel good when the green ticks become the norm. Jot down your feelings and anything else you need to jettison, you will clear your brain and thoughts for the next task. You are a special person and unique, you do not have to wear yourself to a frazzle to prove anything. All you will succeed in doing is making yourself seriously unwell and unable to continue with all the wonderful things you dream about for your future. Live well in the present time if you want happiness now, and in the future. Be gentle with yourself. X

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