I'm just confused and lost

[gibbons9896]

I'm an 18 year old university student and I am just unsure about my mental health and well being. Ever since moving to uni i have just become more aware of the feeling, its like loneliness and sadness. i just feel like it is me all alone, i just cry all the time. the other week there was not a single day where i didn't cry, it was triggered over nothing and it is the lowest i have ever felt in a long while.

Living at home before moving to uni i did have the odd week or so where i felt sad and down and not bothered to do anything. but i always pushed it aside and ignored it because i always thought it was nothing. but at uni i have become more aware of it, maybe because i am by myself and stuck with my own thoughts.

My boyfriend has noticed a complete change in me, i am sadder and always glum. even when i am with him i have the days where i feel just awful. i live a lot further away from him now since moving to uni and that makes things hard too, but he is so supportive of me and cares so much. i only get to see him on the weekends and sometimes i feel like that is the only thing that gets me through the week.

I have looked into depression but the medical websites don't give much of an insight into it. so i am just confused about my feelings.

My mum has been dealing with psychotic depression since i have been young, so it just leads me to believe that i could have it just through genetics. my older sister has also been diagnosed with it, when she first moved to university. i just want help and advice but I'm afraid of going to the doctors in case i am wasting peoples time. i go through stages of just numbness, like i don't want to move, i just lay on my bed and do nothing. i have things i can and should be doing but i choose to just not do it. i can never sleep to, i have been dealing with my inability to sleep for a few years but now it is worse than ever. i just need to talk to someone so i can understand my feelings and why i feel like this.

I also have points where i hate myself and i worry so much about slight changes in peoples actions which makes me even more worked up, and makes me overthink about what i could've done to them to make them hate me. which causes myself to hate myself even more.

i just would appreciate some perspective, get some advice or just some information from people who have depression or understand what i mean. help me with this confusion i am feeling

[luffyluf]

You need to talk to someone and that someone is a GP. Don't worry about wasting their time because you're not, GPs are just people doing their jobs and their job is to help people when in need. You wouldn't worry about seeing a plumber for pipes would you? you really need to see someone, please don't put this off, you are the most important person in your world, love yourself, see a GP and start getting better.

[wolfbaby]

havent got much advice but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone x

[blazlily]

I agree that it may have to do with your mom, but not just genetically. because if she was struggling as you grew up it is going to have an affect on you. for sleeping try chamomile tea, and remember to try not to be looking at anything bright like a phone or tv before going to bed. as for getting help, don't put it off you are worth the time and effort to make you better!