I'm kinda lost, and my minds everywhere. I just need somebody to talk to me. Somebody to help.

[Interstellar0oo]

Hi, I'm a 16 year old in school at the moment. In Florida. I come from a family of doctors and engineers. But I am an artist, which really doesn't help. Recently, and I mean like a few days ago. I feel as if my mind is going crazy and I'm...losing control?

You see, I'm a person madly in love with the idea of space exploration. I first wanted to become a forensic scientist but then started to think, that I don't want my life to be boring. I started feeling lonely, that when I would die, nobody would remember me. I would be forgotten. I decieded that I'd work everyday of my life to become and astronaut, so I'll be able to go to space one day. I wanted to go to space because I didn't wanna die without actually seeing the world that's been put in front of me. I have watched a lot of movies based on space that interest me madly. Gravity, interstellar, and the Martian are my favourite of them all. I watched the trailer for the space between us # 2. And because of the amazing adventure displayed in the movie, I really felt as if my life is...really...ordinary. I felt as if I've already lost the chance to fix my life and make something of myself. I want to see the earth at night from space. And that is the only reason I'd become an astronaut, and I'd work years to do it. But in the past 5 days I've been thinking about nothing but space, that movie, NASA, and the ISS. I watch the world and see how we are so lost in our personal lives that I wish I could just fly away from all of this. I begin to cry now, really easily. I get this specific feeling, that is lost and I've got nothing to offer the world. And I feel as if people doubt me, and think I would never be able to do it. But I want this more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. The idea that there is so much out there and we are stuck on a small speck of sand on a whole beach we have yet to explore kills me. I..I just don't want to die without actually living. There was this time, since I live in Florida, there was a ship that launched from cape caneveral in Florida and I saw it 6am while going to school. I remember how amazing that felt to see it, how amazing it felt to be that excited about something that only lasted 3 minutes. I want to feel that way the rest of my life, I wanna feel alive and in control of me. I want to see everything.

[Hidden]

It might be that you will eventully be involved with the space industry, are you on the right first steps in getting to that though which is your basic education?

On your thinking, that you have nothing to offer etc, you should know the human mind is very weak and susceptible to all sorts of corrupt thinking as well as having strong desires ( you mention re your spce ambition) - it's when you believe the thoughts thats where the power is, so don't always trust your thoughts or occasionally discount them later when you are thinking more rationally - its what you do that counts for more in reality

Unfortunately though that takes practice and life experience and it is painful to fight aginst your own negtive thinking