Hello, this is my first post. Do I have depression? I feel there is no hope in the world, i'm worthless, nothing, just a pawn in a game, a material to be used abused and thrown aside without mercy. I recently went to a counseller who told me I had anxiety and wanted to see me again as soon as possible. My friends are abandoning me, I can't get motivated, I can't sleep (I'm typing this post at 6 am), i've gained almost two stone and I feel like i'm going crazy. Sometimes I wonder how much better everything would be if I didn't exist, to escape this hell. I cant stop thinking about anything and everything, my future, my parents, my friends, my education and what will happen if i make that one tiny mistake that destroys my life completely. My mum always fights with her boyfriends, my dad left me when I was ten (leaving us with nothing to our name, just ran away). Sometimes I feel ultra motivated, but it dies down within a few hours. Can someone please help me and answer my question? I just want to be happy. Im a 17 year old female college student.

1 Reply

  • Hi, I can really appreciate what you are going through as I was depressed at 17 (I have now been 18 for a few days). Just know that no matter how worthless or helpless you feel, you are always a worthwhile person with many people in your corner who will start fighting your corner if you let them know. If you are more comfortable with talking to someone you know, try a friend or family member. Venting through speech helps a great deal no matter what. If talking to somebody you don't know appeals more, there must be a counselling or therapy service that you can use at college, and there is always Samaritans and Childline, both of which are equally exceedingly helpful and can be contacted by phone or email (a free account must be set up to email childline). Even starting with the littlest thing to try to get better brings back your efforts a hundred fold, whether it is something you enjoy, or something to help relaxation. Starting to do these things even when you don't feel like it at first will honestly help, you've just got to start small and reward yourself. I would definitely explore your options of what will help you medically by going to an appointment with your GP, and seeing if your college offers any kind of medical service like Occupational Health (I'm in a job) but for college. Options that may help are antidepressants that help either sleep or anxiety (there are different types available), counselling or talking therapy, courses that help you to manage anxiety or depression and anything else that your GP recommends. Remember, the more you say, no matter who it is to, the more they can help. You have already done the brave first step of speaking out on this website. As cliche like and untrue this will seem, there is always hope. Also, see if you can take some time off college to regain composure if you think that college is contributing to how you feel.

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