Out of a job I hate and want to get back in...

[ninamorris169]

Where I used to work made my depression worse: the physical symptoms, extreme lack of motivation, feelings of hopelessness and that suicide was the only way out. I am trying to get the cogs turning to get back in: I have booked an appointment with my GP, and need to phone my manager to get something sorted out, which terrifies me even though she doesn't bite and I need to get it sorted. Other issues I had was verging between anxiety and psychotic anger, struggling to eat and binge eating. Although I was at breaking point before I took the past week off, I am wondering if it was the right decision. I ideally need a transfer back to where I used to work (Human Resources) but I am more expecting adapted tasks at where I currently work or a transfer to a different department, but anything to get me back to work, I am getting stir crazy!!! To clarify, where I last worked was on an apprenticeship, and so is where I currently work, and the manager I need to speak to is the apprenticeship scheme manager. I tried to get hold of her last week, but she wasn't in, and I am sure that the other guys in HR are sick of me just for my damned persistence in trying to get hold of her. I need to take responsibility and action to get my life back on track: phone the scheme manager Monday, and ask for a time and place where I will meet my mentor from last year who works in HR (we agreed a day, but not a place or a time.) I have also booked an appointment with my GP for Friday. The sooner I can get back into work the better! You only appreciate something when you haven't got it, but what would have happened if I had stayed there? Practically everything gave me panic attacks, my motivation was at an all time low, and I felt angry enough to kill someone without any regrets. So easy to get out of, but yet so hard to get back into!😡😁😢

[loggerslot]

hi there, first thing is you have a job and hang onto it. you are motivated to get back into so take it a step at a time. you are doing the right thing by getting in touch with your GP. I believe stress can cause adrenaline rush so maybe a trip to the gym or jogging to burn it off would be good. is your employer aware of what you are going through and have you both decided on a phased return to work if you have been off for a long time? A phased return would be good and it should be supported by your employer and my advice would be to take it easy and a step at a time, try not to panic, anything you don't understand step back and see what you are doing different otherwise ask. if you need to take notes on procedures then do that, whilst at the same time slowly building your own initiative but be careful to not jump the gun, keep asking and that will give you the confidence that you are doing it right. if you make a small mistake don't take it to heart or get frustrated as long as you make someone aware early enough then mistakes can be undone.

I'm currently back into work after fighting off depression for about 2 years whilst I was out of work but now I do appreciate having a job.

[ninamorris169 in reply to loggerslot]

Thank you very much for what you have said. I have learnt to stop beating myself up about procrastinating booking the appointment with my GP, and will get to do my NVQ soon even while I am off, and have got to appreciate that I must be in a properly fit state before I can go back to work. I must keep myself occupied, stay patient and think that I will really enjoy work once I am healthy and really appreciate it after everything that I have had to go through.