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Above & Beyond
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Depressed Partner

I am very new to all this, and I am seeking advice. I have recently started a relationship with a wonderful women. We share so much in common, and get along wonderfully. We started dating about two months ago and she told be very early in the relationship she had been diagnosed manic about 4 years ago. She said the episode was so bad she had to hospitalized. I have had my own bouts with mental health problems, anxiety, and was not at all put off buy her problems. She has been off her meds completely since July, and has been trying naturalistic remedies. But I have seen a slip over the past 3 weeks. She had some personal issues, and is also very dissatisfied with her job. I have read lot lately on depression and how it affects those around them. I am willing to go to support groups with her, but as of right now I am feeling very frustrated. I know she cares about me and she is really trying to make this work between us, her communication is great,but she been cold, and drawing back into her self. I guess I really need suggestions on how to proceed. Should I bee supportive, should I give her space, I am not a huge fan of treating mental illness with Rxs, but should I suggest she go back on them, should I push us going to support groups together (she already goes to a group alone). Any advice, suggestion or support I can get would be appreciated.

4 Replies

Hi Nick, your support needs to be tailored around her. if you try to give her support that you think is right for her then she may feel confined and possibly confused, which is not good for her. so ask her how she wants you to be there for her and tell her that you want to be very supportive at every step of her recovery and to share her thoughts good or bad on what she is thinking face to face or over the phone. when she does then try to help her to see a particular scenario in a different more positive light, kind of like making her see that there is another way to resolve whatever she is thinking. i feel it is important to give her space to breathe, it will give you a chance to recharge your batteries.

regarding the medication, did she come off them with support from the GP?

from my own personal experience when it comes to jobs i personally felt that if i didn't suffer from depression then the job wouldn't have been the problem but given what i went through, the environment, people around me were not helpful so best thing was to quit. try to understand her situation regarding work 1st before making any decisions. if you can't then there are career support teams in place that offer free advice and perhaps you can persuade her to come with you to see the advisor and book an appointment and talk about it. also try to ask about the legalities that if she faces discrimination at work then what to do. big organisations are very supportive but its the little ones that can be petty and troublesome.

let us know how you get on and any more advise then please come and ask us all.

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Thank you Logger I appreciate that. She went off her meds on her own with out consulting her GP. S that is worrisome.

She says she needs some space to deal with her emotions, but when I giver her space she texts me all day asking what to do. She ends up sitting on her couch and does not get he goals done, then feels worse for not accomplishing anything.

We got very close very fast and I think that scared because she is not used to such an intense relationship. But she is very good at communicating her needs and want she wants, so that is a BIG plus in trying to make this work.

As for work I think there is some discrimination. Before we meet she had taken about a few months of medical leave for her depression. Now that she is back she is getting a lot of pressure from her supervisors about job performance.

Lastly she is becoming very self loathing, saying she stinks at life and can not accomplish anything. This is also worrisome to me.


firstly, she shouldn't have come off the meds quickly, the GP has to decide the best approach to come off them and if GP thinks she is ready to do so. My advice would be to ask her to see her GP and see if she allows you to go with her as support, see if you can encourage her its a good idea for you to go along. what natural remedies she taking? if she is taking saint john worts then what I've been told is they have side effects as well and take just much time to kick in about 4 to 5 weeks.

secondly, it is good she is a good communicator. I know like many others on this site what its like to set goals then not achieve them only to feel down hearted but you can help her develop an approach that on one hand she is setting goals and on the other coaching her on how to deal with feelings and thoughts so that eventually those thoughts have a minimal effect and she can slowly achieve her goals. I feel this is a gradual thing that can take a few months depending on how bad her depression is.

thirdly, how big is her organisation, do they have an intranet, website, do the HR department have a support team for supporting employees through bad times? see if you can find this out or ask her if she can without telling anyone about her situation. If her manager is aware of her situation regarding mental health then he/she should ensure no one discriminates becuase of what she is going through. the law does state that if a person's ability to do her day to day job is affected by her mental impairement then its classed as a disability and against the law to discriminate against that person. i strongly advise you to talk to her about seeing a career's advisor and seek advise and if they are able to recommend an organisation that gives free legal HR advise and if they are able to do anything about it or put a stop to it. have a look at this link gov.uk/definition-of-disabi...

Everytime she talks low about herself, tell her to let it all out, don't bottle it up inside. tell her to talk about whatever she thinks, and you have to be that inspirational person that turns that negativity into something positive. maybe you can do cooking/baking together, its not about doing the recipe spot on but just fun and it takes her attention away from how she feels. maybe a trip to alton towers, blackpool,

I've done a blog that talks about what i've been through and advice on how I've approached a way to remedy most of my depression. I hope it helps in some way


let us all know how you get on.


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