Gaining control

[Bluekipper]

Hi, just joined group after another binging session. Custard creams and bourbons. Now feeling😩. I went to a party and felt inadequate. Nothing could stop my coming home and feeding my sense of failure. Decades of comfort eating. Don’t know how to stop. 200lbs. 5ft 9. Nothing fitting in the wardrobe. Feeling better just writing. Any ideas 💡??

[moreless Administrator 7 stone]

Hi and welcome, BlueKipper

I'm sorry to hear you had such a horrible evening. Please don't worry, learned coping mechanisms can be unlearned and replaced with non-eating varieties. You'll find that being here will not only help you with weight loss, but with confidence issues too. We have so much going on, you won't have time to eat any biscuits, but, to be on the safe side, why don't you get rid of all the trigger foods, or ask someone to hide them, then temptation is out of the way

Here's a link to today's weigh-in, to get you started healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

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Please take the time to read it carefully, so that you're able to enjoy everything that we have on offer.

We ask that you also read this important information about internet privacy and security, especially as you've left your post unlocked.

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Wishing you all the best

[Hidden]

Hi Bluekipper I agree with moreless-being here will be the best thing you ever do. Try to concentrate on the positives and not the negatives-think of how good it will feel to get back into your clothes and being in control of your eating. Binge eating is awful and I remember feeling so bad I had to literally lie down. It was like being in a trance and I never thought I would get over it but I did and you will too. 👍

[Bluekipper 3lbs in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. Yes, a trance is exactly how it is. A food zombie. 🤔

[PippiRuns 3kg Restart Nov 2023]

It sounds awful Bluekipper. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I haven’t experienced binge eating on my own body but I remember hearing about an American woman why managed to get her binge eating under control by changing her perspective from “I have to stop this binge” (which of course was impossible when she was in the middle of a binge) to seeing her binge episodes as cycles and the effects of other things in her life. By keeping a diary of food and feelings she found out that her binges often occurred after days/weeks of extreme dieting/calorie deprivation and by stopping that she was able to reduce the number of binge eating episodes drastically. It makes sense, I think, but I of course don’t know your situation.

I found this resource. I think it is worth a read helpguide.org/articles/eati...

I hope you will stick around for support. There is a way out!

[Brightfeather Maintainer Healthy BMI in reply to PippiRuns]

Good thinking and I agree Pippi

[Bluekipper 3lbs in reply to PippiRuns]

Great comments. I kind of know what my triggers are, but getting to step away during mindless-eating is a hard thing. Just being prompted to air this really helps though, so thank you.

[Pineapple27]

Hi Bluekipper and welcome!

Here are a few things that I have noted about how to make weight loss a permanent / long term thing....

If you want this to work for the longer term, you need to think about it as a lifestyle change rather than a diet. That lifestyle change will need to happen a bit at a time and will involve many things : changing your behaviour around food, portion control, emotional eating triggers, increasing your activity levels, trying new foods, making healthy food swaps, etc.

Commitment to diet/lifestyle change and resistance to temptation doesn't just happen! It has to be worked at.

The only way I have succeeded this time is to change how I approach food and eating it. I have learned to resist temptation! BUT please believe that this has taken a LOT of hard work and practice!

It's about "normalising" or "modifying" behaviour around food... and I think that with enough "practice" it becomes more and more easy until you get to the point where a behaviour is modified to the point of it becoming the only way!

I am sure that even some people who are not over weight do sometimes over indulge - but the fact is they don't do it very often!

Those of us who are over weight have been used to "treating" ourselves, eating portions that are too large, eating the things that we know are calorific because we can!

It's been a combination of changing all of those aspects of how I behave around food that has meant I have been successful this time.

I have developed a respect for the food I eat. Not everyone has the ability to eat as well as we in the western world eat. We should not abuse the privilege!

I rarely eat "on the hoof" any more, I rarely eat between meals. I take time to sit at a table and present my meals nicely. I take a moment or two to really look at my plate of food before I pick up my knife and fork.

Almost daily I say to hubbie "Aren't we lucky to be able to enjoy such lovely food". I really mean that too, I am not saying it for anyones benefit but his and mine. We should never take for granted having easy access to delicious food stuffs and our ability and love of cooking!

If you log your food - keep track of how many calories some of those "treats" contain, after a while they kind of stay in your head (medium egg = 70 cals, slice of white bread 100 cals, meringue nest 57 cals, 30g (matchbox size) of cheddar, 122 cals)

I do have sweet treats, but I buy my own choice, so things like 2 finger Kitkat, single finger Twix, Club biscuit... these are all around 100 calories. I keep them in a tin and I can have one whenever I want to, but I limit it to no more than one a day and usually with my afternoon cup of tea. That's not to say I eat one on a daily basis (usually about 2-3 times a week). They are always logged into my diary.

If you don't keep a log of what you are eating and the calories foods contain, then it's a bit like trying to travel from one place to another without a map! You might get there eventually BUT it's likely to take you much longer than if you planned the route and used a map PLUS you might take a few wrong turnings and end up going back on yourself!

I have also learned not to plan each trip out of the house to include food. Once upon a time, I'd have included lunch with a trip into town, coffee and cake with a visit to the garden centre.

I now plan or even prepare a meal BEFORE I go out (usually a salad) so that I know exactly what I can eat as soon as I walk into the door... and don't turn to "what I fancy" (usually high calorie carbs that don't keep you full for very long...)

Make a list of the reasons WHY you want to lose weight. Keep it somewhere safe (stuck to the inside of a kitchen cupboard door?) and look at it from time to time, especially when you are raiding the kitchen for treats!

I always ask myself before eating something really calorific "Do I really want to eat this thing more than I want to lose weight this week?". It's called "mindful eating" - being aware of why you are considering eating - real hunger? Boredom? Temptation? Feeling fed up?

Have a glass of water, wait 5 minutes and consider whether you still want the food. Once it's been snaffled down, it's too late and you may end up feeling cross and angry with yourself....

....and that feeling (guilt, failure) lasts for a long time, much longer than the temporary enjoyment of whatever treat you ate....

Oh, and I always remind myself how good the feeling is of seeing a loss on the scales at my weekly weigh in! That wonderful feeling lasts for days! Don't forget how that feels - you need to remind yourself of that feeling next time temptation strikes!

[Brightfeather Maintainer Healthy BMI in reply to Pineapple27]

Morning Pineapple. What a lovely insightful and spot on reply. This applies to all of us. My main challenge is portion control. Last night I had thai food in a resto. When I first looked at the portion of rice and veg/tofu - I thought I could eat double that! I then ate mindfully feeling deep gratitude to all the plants and people who had made it possible for me to have this food. I really enjoyed each mouthful. When I came home I had some cocoa with rice milk and a few nuts - not wine and olives etc.

Thank you. Feeling grateful🙏

[Pineapple27 in reply to Brightfeather]

Glad you liked my reply Brightfeather - this is just what I have learned along the way - and think others find it useful to gain an insight into how what goes on in ones head has to change as well as what goes into ones mouth! The biggest struggle of all for me has been the shift in my thinking around food and eating it.

[Alisongold in reply to Pineapple27]

Dear Pineapple,

I woke up this morning and read your inspirational reply, your advice based on experience is very sound, I will try to incorporate your suggestions into my eating and drinking pattern.

I need to start a daily diary, I try to reflect each morning on what exactly I ate the day before and where I could have switched ,reduced or resisted .

I often mistake thirst for hunger and making myself a low calaorie drink is just as effective as eating if I feel hungry between meals. I often drink too little fluid each day. If I am still hungry then I eat fruit as part of my 5 a-day but I am trying to keep this to mealtimes.

I used to binge on biscuits especially in the pre menstrual phase of my cycle, It is really hard not to eat the whole packet after eating the first one.

I wish Bluekipper all the best.

[Pineapple27 in reply to Alisongold]

I don't have biscuits in the house Alisongold - otherwise I am sure I'd eat them too!

I've significantly increased my water intake. I used to think I didn't like the taste of water, but now apart from tea and coffee, I easily drink 1.5 litres a day - I recognise a feeling of thirst that I never had once upon a time and find it easy to chug down a 500ml glass of water.

[CCGoGirl in reply to Pineapple27]

This is so good! I wish I'd read this four months ago when I started. I totally agree about its being about changing lifestyle and attitudes towards food. I think I have made some progress but also have setbacks. Yesterday, I ate too much at supper (partly because I hate waste - I'd defrosted something I need to use up but then I'd met a friend out for lunch and simply didn't need so much in the eve). Afterwards, my stomach get really distended - what was different was that, instead of thinking it's normal to feel like that after eating so barely noticing it, I really did notice it! I thought 'why on earth have I eaten so much that I feel over-full and really uncomfortable?' I know it's too late now but I hope I did at least learn something from it. Thank you for your really helpful suggestions.

[Pineapple27 in reply to CCGoGirl]

Ohhhh CCGoGirl , I used to think it was wasteful to leave food and so overeat regularly! I've overcome that my weighing out portion sizes of things like rice, spaghetti and pasta (50g of wholegrain) and bulking it out with a lot of added vegetables. We only ever prepare meals in 2-4-6 portions - when I serve it out I serve just the two portions and freeze the remainder in portions of 2.

With meat, we usually eat about 100/120g, with fish - 150g.

Things like grated cheese, mayonnaise, cream, butter, oil, nuts - it's REALLY useful to weigh out as these things are hugely calorific and not good if eating in huge quantities.

My diet contains anything and everything - nothing is forbidden. But some things I choose to eat less of because of the calorie content. As a very short, sedentary and middle aged women, I simply cannot afford to eat too many calories in one day.

If some event is coming up (holiday, social activity) I tend to plan to eat less calories before and after to try and build in the extra calories I know I'm not going to be able to avoid.

So it's a constant balancing act - but just like learning to budget a household budget, I have learned to balance my calories.

Choices have to be made, but what those choices are are up to me, and me alone.

Interestingly, we rarely throw food away - I plan my meals around what needs to be used up in the fridge. Any leftovers (very rare) go straight into the freezer in a plastic container.

[Brightfeather Maintainer Healthy BMI]

Welcome bluekipper. You are in the right place. I have been here for about 6 weeks and it has helped me so much. It took me a while to navigate the forum. You will get good support and advice. I try to keep things in the day. If I go off piste, I put it behind me and get back on track. 😊

[Bluekipper 3lbs in reply to Brightfeather]

Thanks Brightfeather. I hope my journey continues as well as yours appears to be.

[CCGoGirl]

As they say, the first step is accepting that there is a problem.... Sounds annoying, bit I do think it's true! I had been telling myself for ages that I was 'a little bit overweight' and would get round to losing weight 'at some point', then one day I had a Pilates session and I was lying on my side facing the mirror, and I just thought, 'who the hell is that!?' I mean, I'm not mad, I did know it was me - but it looked as if I'd been swallowed by a blubber mountain. Right - to the matter of biscuits. Only you know what your willpower is like and where your weak points are. My suggestion is to be really honest with yourself about this. I find it really hard to resist biscuits, so for now at least, there are none in the house. None. Not for guests, not for teenage son. Because if they're there, then sooner or later, I will sneak 'just one or two....'. My son is very slim and is also growing so doesn't need to diet. If he wants something sweet, he either gets it himself or I buy him a bar of choc. If a friend pops in for coffee, I offer cut-up fruit (I know it seems a bit odd but no complaints so far). Yes, i know it's not the same thing as a custard cream. I suspect that the only way to change habits is to..... Change them. Do one thing different to start with. There will be lapses. Don't panic. Keep going. Is it hard? Yes. But bits of it get easier. Now when I make myself a cup of tea. I no longer think, gosh this needs a biscuit with it. I wish you best of luck.

[rachiegirl]

Hi Bluekipper - I joined here a week ago after yet another week of binge eating and didn't think I could stop. I've been following the NHS plan and counting calories and recording what I'm going to eat the next day on here and it's really helping. It feels like a re-education for me with regard to food and exercise too. Wishing you the best of luck on your weight loss journey. I'm sure you'll soon be fitting back into your clothes again

[Healthenthu09]

Hi and welcome! I can totally relate to your problem and in fact have made some real lifestyle changes. Most important is the change in the diet and then complimenting it with a workout plan. Well you can start with small yet firm changes. You can check this link for more ideas.

banishbelly.wordpress.com/b...

hope it helps!

Rgds