I had a couple weeks away to visit a friend of mine in Melbourne (I'm in Sydney).
She had a terrible tragedy very recently - her husband committed suicide, he was in his mid 60's - so I was there more for moral and emotional support. Its been almost 2 months and she is slowly coming to terms with it but obviously still in a lot of pain.
Even the dog is clearly still suffering as she mopes around the house - probably picking up on the cues from my friend Leslea.
She loves to cook and its just her and her dog now so having me there was a reason for her to get back into the kitchen, doing what she enjoyed.
I'm afraid there was a lot of food and I didn't want to discourage her from doing something she was enjoying so a lot of food was had. I know it sounds a little like an excuse but I just couldn't find a way to say no without hurting her feelings and she was obviously enjoying having someone to fuss over so I just let it be.
I returned feeling kind of drained and low as it was a pretty intense time all in all and yesterday was some comfort eating on my part but woke up this morning feeling a bit livelier and the Fitbit is in the charger - always a good sign!
Had a quick jump on the scales - definitely not good - but instead of doing what I would normally do and spend a week eating rubbish and blaming myself I've just decided its a bump in the road and it's time to get a little more disciplined and get get going again.
Looking forward to catching up on the news
Written by
Dave1961
25kg
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So sorry to hear of your friends great loss and your emotional strain. You wouldn't have been her friend if you put yourself first. Your sacrifice was nothing under the circumstances my lovely. What a lovely man you are.
A new day and now back to your routine and remember that happy feeling. Just think how amazing you will look & feel when you return to Melbourne in the future.
Back to it Dave we're all with you holding your hand. X
Aww, Dave, don't be so hard on yourself - you were being a friend, and a good one too, by the sound of it!
I keep reminding myself that this is not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. As we go through life we will undoubtedly face challenges to our new found healthy eating. However its how we deal with the challenges that matter.
You have just had a challenge, and you did the right thing. But now, it's time to get back to normal, back to watching what you ready and how much exercise you do.
You said you were feeling drained and low... That's probably your body telling you its had enough and emotional stress of being there for your friend.
Good luck in getting back on track - it won't take you long!
Thanks so much - I underestimated how bad I was feeling when I got back but I think I am finally getting back on my feet this morning. Thanks for your message xo
Welcome home Dave. I have missed you here. Sorry that you have had a tough time with your poor friend, I am sure you beng with her was a great comfort.
Just refocus and get back to where you were. You can do this and don't let Bert say any different!
Hello Davie boy...missed you so much...welcome back after such a traumatic time...love and hugs to your friend. Nothing to say about the tragedy other than it is so sad...but you're such an amazing person to have around. back in the zone....do you think that there is a forum like this for your friend?...just a thought?
Thats a really good idea but she is not someone who easily admits she needs help - much like myself I suspect!
She did finally agree to see a grief counsellor and I think that's helping but I don't think she realises how difficult this is going to be for her. All I can do is be there for her I guess.
Thanks - you're a sweetheart
Hi Dave - glad to see you back - was wondering when you'd return Sounds like you had a difficult time, but were able to offer lots of support to your friend, which was the most important thing. You sound very positive about getting back into your routine and I'm sure you'll find any excess weight from your trip will soon just melt away
Hi Dave good to see you back (changed my name while you were gone, this is bananacake). Sounds like you've done an amazing job of supporting your friend, and really great that you've not let the bit of weight gain put you off. You absolutely did the right thing to encourage your friend to cook, if you'd been staying there for 6 months you might have had to change tactic! But two weeks worth of a few extra calories can be easily turned round and best of all you're not feeling guilty about it which is the worst sabotager of the lot. You've spent the last two weeks nurturing your friend and that always takes a toll on your emotions, now it's time to nurture yourself ☀️
Great to see you back, Dave 😃...missed you on the forum. It's sound like you were her rock and you sacrificed healthy eating to respect her wishes. I salute you, Dave 😊. You'll be back on track very soon. Look forward to hearing your journey 😊
Don't worry Dave sometimes you have to put others first at your own expense and your friend really needed you, I'm sure now you're back home you will get back to your routine good luck
Its taken me longer than I thought it would but today feels more positive than others have so fingers crossed!
Hi Dave,
So sorry to hear it's been an awful few months for your friend, the pain and loss is indescribable, I'm sure she and the dog has benefited from you being there{{{{big hug}}}}.
Now it's your turn, sounds like you are thinking back on track,
now it's the doing, but go easy on yourself it may take a bit of time for you to recover emotionally from being the rock it sounds like you've been💋
The scales will right themselves and maybe one thing learned from the whole experience is take it one day at a time and help and support is here whenever you need it.
So sorry to hear about your poor friend. What a lovely friend you are and you just did what you had to do at the time to support her. I have no doubt you will be back on track very soon. Wishing you well xx
Welcome back Dave, such a tragic time for your friend but no doubt your visit and emotional support will have been a tremendous help. Since you joined the forum you have given so much support to everyone and have shown that you are determined to change your lifestyle and eating habits. Any lbs gained whilst you have been supporting you friend will soon be reversed. Good luck with getting back to plan.
Thanks for this lovely message. Its taken longer than I would have liked but today feels better than others have so I think my brain is starting to refocus!
You've spent time admirably taking care of a friend in her desperate time of need and now it's time to take care of yourself again, because you're equally as worthy.
Thanks Elissy - I am feeling very loved up at the moment
Hi Dave - do you get the feeling you were missed on here?! Just read all the messages above, and I agree, sounds like you've had a very challenging couple of weeks and that the decisions you made were definitely right in the circumstances. But they say those who care for people need to also be cared for themselves. Do you have other friends who you feel you can talk to about this experience? It sounds like a very intense time, and the emotional stress is bound to have taken its toll. We're here for you of course, but don't underestimate the time it may take you to get back to your previous routine, you may need to just have someone on the end of the phone, or a sympathetic boss who understands you're not going to be at your best when you return to work. Reintroduce your new-found healthy habits in a gradual, manageable way, give yourself some headspace, and forgive yourself for any less than perfect food choices while you get your own kitchen habits back on track. Take care
Ruth you are just amazing - you seem to have a huge amount of emotional intelligence and empathy. Thanks for this message - it means a lot and yes as I said in other replies I am feeling rather loved at the moment
I am starting to feel OK again and something that I would usually do when I stumble like this is to go back to old habits for weeks and months before I tried again whereas this time feel different - I am able to accept what I have done and am ready to do the hard work to get back on track.
What a terrible time your friend has endured and what a lucky lady to have such a good friend, I think eating her food and keeping her company was what she obviously needed and like you said you can back onto it now you are home.
Hi Dave, only just catching up on posts on here and reading yours now has me feeling quite emotional. You are a super friend indeed, one of the most important things in life to have and be. You will be on track again by now I am sure as your post is already 3 days old, and yes it is going to take you a little while to get off what you put on, the price you paid for the warmth and love to your friends wellbeing. Friends like you are priceless you lovely man. 😊
Hi Dave, I'm glad you are back. I wondered where you were. You are an amazing friend to have. I know you will find the determination to start looking after yourself again - you deserve the best.
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