I had my two year post transplant check up on Wednesday and it was a mixed bag. The doc was pleased that I've lost 65 pounds since the surgery. He was concerned that my blood pressure continues to rise despite being on four blood pressure meds and a diuretic, but didn't want to make any changes since he only sees me once a year. (At my pharmacy appointment the next day, she added yet another BP med, which didn't surprise me, but did disappoint me.) And my tacrolimus level continues to bounce around like pinball in a pachinko machine.
I keep a log of ALL my lab results and I compare them from time to time. I average the creatinine readings for each year and compare them to the average for the six years prior to the transplant (as far back as I have records). The frustrating part is that they're not significantly better than before, although the average has improved a tenth of a point each year for a total of 0.30 better than the pre-transplant average.
I asked my doc why there wasn't more improvement, if I was doing something I shouldn't be, or wasn't doing something I should be doing, and he said no. I was adhering to my food and med plan like a champ. His best explanation was that the (deceased) donor kidney was more damaged than they could tell at the time and that several of the blood pressure meds I'm on tend to raise the creatinine. So basically, this is as good as it's going to get, which is really frustrating.
The first stanza of the Serenity Prayer says "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This definitely falls into the "Accept the things I cannot change" category, and I am SO far from acceptance. I'm on a total of 16 prescriptions and and seven supplements, compared to three Rx's and no supplements prior to the surgery. The worst part is I really don't feel any better than I did before. Two of my brothers had transplants before I did and they both spoke of the burst of energy and clearer thinking they had afterwards. I'm still waiting, but not very optimistically at this point.
For the record I want to state that I am grateful to be alive, but I was before my surgery as well. I realize every breath I take is a gift from God, and I'm still here for a reason. I'm not sure what the specific reason is, but I'm okay with Him revealing it a bit at a time, as I continually yield to His leading. What I want to know is how do I get to the point of acceptance? Right now I feel more resignation, which carries the weight of defeat with it. How did you cope when things didn't turn out as you had anticipated? I know this is long, so thanks for reading all the way to the end. And thanks for any input you have to offer!