Holding on

[djv1985]

It’s 2am I’m getting ready for bed and since the new noise or sort of lack of noise I’m trying to keep positive because I know I’ll eventually adjust probably sooner than most because as I’ve said before I’m a stubborn b’stard but right this second I’m ready to break down. I’m not a cryer but I can feel the need to. I’m not in silence I don’t let myself be silent anymore because of the ringing but this roaring sort of muffled sound is annoying the heck out of me. I’ve tried speaking to family but I’m mostly given the pretending to listen nod or the blank stare like they’re wondering why they should care so this place is my only way of venting/complaining whatever you want to call it.

Honestly this is more of a rambling vent. I’m listening to a podcast through my phone tucked under my pillow to try and either drown out or match the nose and it seems to work but trying to switch off is hard. I haven’t had any dark thoughts but can feel them on the edge of my head but won’t carry them out because well I’m not brave enough. Second day with the new noise and fourth month with the ringing.

So I’m trying to hang in there and hoping to fall asleep if not well I may just snap. Sorry for the rambling disjointed post but at 2am I don’t think I can get a clear post done.

Thanks for listening/reading and AHHHHHHHHH sorry couldn’t be helped.

[djv1985]

It’s now had 8 in the morning and the sound is super loud. I think this is gonna be a problem for me. The ringing was easier to deal with this...nah this is a problem. Don’t know how I’m going to cope with this. I’m trying to stay calm and keep myself relaxed but it’s a problem now. It’s so loud in my left ear a low constant hum mixed with the ringing and all made louder because it’s like my finger is in that ear and it feels like I’m going to have a major issue with this.

I’m not in the dark place yet but it’s there trying to creep it’s way in. Almost in tears writing this! Let’s hope I can hold on long enough.

[djv1985 in reply to djv1985]

Okay just had my normal morning walk to help relax while taking the dogs out and nope I can’t. I seriously can’t. I can’t hear anything but the long annoying low booooooooooooooooooooo in my left ear and now I’m panicking and struggling. I can’t be with this for however many years I have left. I literally cannot hear anything in my left ear over the noise at all even my own voice isn’t coming through.

I know I’m venting but I’m panicking and now scared of what I’m likely to do if I can’t get help.

[ChooseYourUsername in reply to djv1985]

I hope things are better for you now.

[djv1985 in reply to ChooseYourUsername]

Things have improved a bit. Listening to podcasts with earbuds has helped ease some of the stress fear and emotions a little and the roaring has died down a little. Still there though. Just hoping it is a spike like I’ve been told it most likely is and will go back to normal soon. Getting there.

Fingers crossed it’s sooner rather than later. Thanks.