I am lucky enough to be actually very well most of the time after introduction of Liothyronine and now doing things I could only have dreamed about a couple of years ago.
But after feeling really ropey again for a few days, I'm trying to understand why I am so hard on myself. I was back to work on Wed and struggled a bit with motivation but got through the day, I didn't tackle anything remotely taxing or even read all of my emails from the Xmas break. I then took Thursday and Friday off sick. Although I could tell I was feeling a bit thyroidy, brain fog and fatigue I somehow convinced myself I was being lazy and wanting to avoid working. That I was pulling a sicky!!!
I did this despite spending most of those days on the sofa, did a bit of napping. I couldn't take my children to their after school activity and felt so overwhelmed and irritable making their dinner and getting them to bed etc. I felt heavy limbed and had to really gear myself up for a shower. All classic signs!
Today I feel so much better, energetic, patient with the kids and not stressed in the slightest. I do really enjoy my job and most of the time I get stuck into stuff and I'm productive ( although I still have some issue with concentration which I think may be a thyroid symptom and I plan to try and work to improve this).
So on reflection I definitely was unwell.
I wonder because it was kind of out of the blue whether I convinced myself it was just laziness, general January blues. Thinking about it I wonder whether a run of late nights and then back to early get ups for school actually was the cause of this blip.
Anyway I think I need to be kinder to myself that if I feel like I'm struggling to just accept it, because actually I would of course much rather be productive and feeling good.
Also wondering whether because anyone can get levels of fatigue and struggle with getting back into work after a holiday, and because these symptoms are on a scale with one end being 'normal', it's harder to recognise them as me being unwell.
I wondered if anyone else finds themselves being unkind in this way and if anyone had any words of wisdom on how to help recognise that, yes this is my thyroid, I am ill and need to rest today and not feel guilty!
Thanks for reading if you got this far😱
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RickGrimes
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You are so right; we all need to be kinder to ourselves, especially on days we struggle with our thyroid condition. I’ve learned the hard way not to push myself too much as it definitely makes my thyroid symptoms spike. On good days I can do high energy exercise, but on other days a few gentle stretches is all I can muster.
Hey I can certainly relate to all of this, but I am having a very hard job accepting this new me, who runs out of energy, cannot so things like I used too! Sorry not much help but just to say that this is definitely relatable! I hope you feel better soon x
i know what you mean... i used to do the same thing and then 'do my head in' about "am i just faking it etc etc " ..... but nowadays,..... i just tell myself this little story.
Are you sitting comfortably ?
Once-upon-a-time there was a little red racing car . It loved racing round the track with all the other cars and seeing the crowd wave to it.
Then one day , it's engine started to rattle and bang and every race , the little red car found it harder and harder to get round the track ,.
Until one day he heard the mechanic man said .. "i'm sorry mate , this little cars engine is totally buggered" ,
And so it got parked in the corner of the garage, with an old sofa dumped on it's roof, and all it could do was look longingly out of the garage doors at all the other cars being polished up ready to go to the race.
Every weekend for 10 long years he watched them all go racing without him .
And every weekend he would sigh and say "Oh, what i wouldn't give ,to be able to go to the track for a picnic and watch them with the crowd , it would be such a wonderful day out ..... it's so boring stuck here in the dark corner under this sofa".
Until one fine day , a kind new apprentice took pity on the little red car , he pulled the sofa off it's roof, , he figured out how to start the old engine , and gently oiled it's wheels until it could roll along quite happily . He polished it's red paint until it looked presentable , and put a basket and a flask on the seat and said "How would you like to go to the races ?"
The little red car beamed with happiness .
They had such a lovely day , and the apprentice said .. "if you like, we could do this every weekend"
And so they did .
Every weekend that summer , the apprentice and the little red car had their picnic with the crowd, and watched the races ,and cheered on the winner.
But then one day , the little red car got cocky and decided to itself it was going to have a go on the race track "after all, i could do it before , so i can do it now "
So ,he waited till the apprentice was in the beer tent, and off he went..... round the track , faster and faster, round and round , it felt great ... and then his wheels felt a bit funny and there was a funny banging from the engine .
And the apprentice said ... "oi ! .. i got you going again , but don't take the piss"
It's almost like making a checklist would be helpful, with a grading system for energy, limb heaviness, motivation and and other symptoms. Then I can look at this when I'm wondering if I'm really feeling rubbish or just 'faking it' and judge where I am on a scale. A kind of evidence to look at when I can't trust myself. I think part of the problem is having a bad day probably involves brain fog and it's hard to think clearly and rationalise when I can't think straight!
For me , part of it is developing the confidence that i DO recover.
I think it seems to take longer to get over 'stuff' once we are having to replace out thyroid hormones 'manually' than it used to when our own regulating system was still in charge.
'stuff' can be anything from a sudden change in routine , jet lag, winter turning up, some nerk putting the 'clocks back' , having a few late nights , having to 'do' Christmas, having more than one drink, having a difficult few days at work .... not to mention actually catching something and being 'ill' in the normal sense. So i don't think it matter's if you were really 'ill' or if you just needed to slow down a few days and catch yourself up .. if you need it, you need it , and that's all there is to it .
I just find things hit me harder , and it takes a bit more 'kindness to myself' to recover from 'anything' than it used to , and the biggest problem for me was feeling guilty about taking enough proper rest to allow myself to get 'better' again as quickly as possible , it feels self indulgent and a bit of a con , and you worry what other people will think.
But by allowing yourself proper time to rest and do nothing much until you feel ok again .. you are actually doing the best thing for everyone ... nobody wants you at work when you can only give it 25%, the kids want you better , not too wrung out to read them a story.
If you are not kind enough to yourself when you feel you need to rest ,, you just stay 'wrung out' for longer,
This post has really helped me thank you! Totally agree that it takes longer to get over 'stuff' when replacing thyroid hormones 'manually' than it used to when our own regulating system was still in charge. It makes complete sense that this would be the case! And I will use this explanation to others in the future too help them understand.
And I'm beginning to realise that 'stuff' can be varied and things that non hypo people wouldn't bat an eyelid at. I once explained to my boss ( who is a friend too) that I thought having a shower knocked me back and wore me out. I think most people here can understand this but the thought was so alien to her, in her mind a shower was energising !
As I get older I definitely care less what people think so I need to apply my thinking to rest and recovery days too. Others don't know my reality and so who cares what they think? Right!
And yes, resting up is actually being really productive and aiding recovering! It's not self indulgent, which is exactly how it can feel sometimes!
I will reread this when I start to gaslight myself in future "So i don't think it matter's if you were really 'ill' or if you just needed to slow down a few days and catch yourself up .. if you need it, you need it , and that's all there is to it"
i once had a telling off from the community i lived with., and as a result the lesson finally sunk in to my thick scull ~ " resting enough to get better IS the most important job you are supposed to be doing" .
I'd injured my back (doing something stupid) and had spent a couple of weeks flat on my back.. lot's of work to be done ... constant firewood hauling and chopping / water/ wheelbarrows to get shopping and lorry batteries down the track , and laundry /rubbish back up. Everyone needed to pull their weight to make life work ... i felt really guilty and very uncomfortable about "letting other people do stuff for me" . i mean , it was ok for 'a couple of weeks' but it just went on and on ... so i kept trying to do stuff when i could "don't fuss , i'm being very careful ,don't worry .. blah blah" .
6 weeks later "Look , we're all F***ing sick of doing your work , we don't want you 'helping out' , you are just making us do your jobs for even longer .... your only job at the moment is to get it better properly ,.... sod off and lie down "
Its hard to determine what normal is anymore......what's the same as everyone else is feeling at this time of year and what's because we're broken again. I've learned there's no definitive answer with this and you just know........my personal measurement is that if its just a bad couple of days, it probably the normal life stuff. If it goes on longer I start to pay attention.
I have a very hard job with a lot of responsibility and have always operated at a thousand miles an hour. My thyroid issues have made me stop and take a breath since my diagnosis 6 years ago, but my recent hashimotos diagnosis and the resulting issues have made me feel like my "normal" and everything else has flipped on its head.
It has however made me stop and say to myself, take a breath love and stop pushing so hard. Concentrate on being good for you and the kids and work can lump it. If you're a bit moody or not firing on all cylinders, work will have to figure it out. My energy goes on home, as little as I have right now.
You're doing amazing and it's OK not to be ok sometimes. But if not being OK starts to span over weeks, get checked xxx
Tatty ogle, what a brilliant story you've written there. An absolute exact summary of me. Some days I think I'm 34 (I'm actually 54) and others I feel 104. This week has been a real struggle to be perfectly honest. My whole body feels like a lead weight. I'd been running OK like your little red car for a while but keep going through phases, which are quite long, of feeling proper rough. I thought once medicated to the correct level, you should be pretty OK unless levels alter and you need another blood test to re"determine your new medication levels. I do play golf and tennis but sometimes can't face it. Maybe I'm 'taking the piss' like your red car but I didn't think I was???
I can say now, in hindsight my menopause was horrendous. I did not know I had my thyroid condition but I was in the early stages of Hashimoto’s and I had episodes as you describe and I’m convinced now it was in part the changes in my hormones as well as my thyroid. I only mention it because the hormones affect sleep, body temperature, energy levels etc. which are also affected by the thyroid. I had hot flushes for nearly 20 years before I realised I’d gone from menopause hot flushes to thyroid hot flushes!
Be kind to yourself then you can be kind to others.
While reading your post, I actually thought to myself “did I write this and forget” 😅 this is exactly what I did last week. I went back one day, really struggled then took the rest of the week off. I even started debating whether I need to change jobs until I realised it was probably my thyroid being annoying again. I’m newly diagnosed (July last year) so I’ve booked myself in for another blood test. However, I totally have those “oh I’m lazy” “why can’t I do what everyone else does” days all the time. I have a meeting with my manager on Monday and just intend on being completely honest with him. I’m glad I took a few days off, without them I would’ve been miserable. Don’t be hard on yourself, sometimes we just need to recharge.
Haha, it was definitely my post but how interesting we follwed the same pattern!!Thank you for your message, I will try to be less hard on myself and speak to myself as I would a friend or anyone on this forum who was struggling in the same way.
I absolutely needed to recharge, and after a couple of days rest I felt much better. But to the uninitiated it seems bonkers and unbelievable to need to recharge after just having 10 days off work! I think the optics of this to my colleagues was playing into my gaslighting, but as in beginning to understand it's not always the obvious things that set us back
As you can see, you have described what so many of us experience here. We all look for the magic formula that returns us to ‘normal’. I think it can feel hard to cope with because what it means to have ‘hypo days’ is invisible to others, particularly employers and colleagues - hence the feeling of the need to gaslight yourself. I’ve done it a thousand times ……..
You’re not indolent or stupid, you’re living with a lifelong condition which is affected by many different factors, the complexity of which, often isn’t even acknowledged in treatment providers.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Absolutely the invisibility to others, especially colleagues is problematic and also the complexity. It's so nuanced that even healthcare professionals are so far away from understanding apart from in broad brushstrokes, hell I don't even understand. But this forum is invaluable in feeling seen, so thank you.
I think I will make I am not indolent, I just need to rest into a mantra when I feel myself slowing.
Yep, like many others I recognise those thoughts too. But of course you're not faking it/ gaslighting yourself. You needed a rest and you recognised it. Well done. It really doesn't matter whether it's due to thyroid, a flue or nothing so to speak. Of course you would have probably been able to push through and keep going another day. And what would have happened? The wheels of your red car (Brilliant little story, tatty!) would have fallen out from underneath it and the engine would have bursted.
In psychology it's called a burn out cycle.
It's really hard to not fall into it, because it society places so much importance on productivity. Rest needs to be earned and all that. (You can find plenty to read om this.)
The good news is that when I've been listening to my energy levels, my irritability has disappeared. Which is a massive relief to not put that on my family anymore. But I often still feel guilty about resting or about having been irritable in the past.
Thank you, I really appreciate this. And you're so right that we as a society have the idea that rest needs to be earnt! I think this definitely played into me beating myself up!
I have so much admiration for those of you still working and raising children 👏👏👏. Well done. Be proud of yourselves. I’m a little jealous really as my life consists of living on the sofa with no energy from the moment I wake up. Walking through treacle all day. Sleeping at lunchtime. So please don’t give yourselves a hard time ….. you got this 💪
I can see you are a big fan of “The Walking Dead” (TWD). Me too. Do you remember the quote, I think it was around the time they were approaching the prison, when they were all having a discussion and finding out more about each other and Rick referred to his father as describing the living soldiers as TWD? I am pretty sure my fascination with TWD is more than partly related to my own experience of hypothyroidism. From the supreme efforts TWD must make just to survive. Heroic efforts. My heroic moments were hashi flares or excessive T3 production from my thyroid, to help my body with a failing thyroid to be ‘normal’. However these fantastic efforts/episodes of the body were not in fact normal. I was a bit superhuman at those moments. If I am honest I loved them. Over time I began to comprehend those moments as ‘normal’. Anything less was utter laziness. This I still find difficult to shake off. It’s seductive feeling that powerful and it sucks when I don’t feel that - which has mostly been the case for a number of years. Rick Grimes, Carole and Daryl have been my heroes, for years, doing all the stuff I can’t. I think we have a very skewed idea of normal, especially if we have experienced the ‘hyperthyroid? highs’. I ALWAYS overdo it if I feel at all well. It’s one of my particular issues. I am getting better at it. I am so glad you brought this up, even after feeling well for a good bit. We all need to know and understand it a bit better. ‘Normal’ people probably never give it a moment’s thought - because they don’t need to. It’s just us.
I relate to that experience very much . i've been superhuman quite a lot , and i got to believing it was normal and anything less was rubbish . it's a difficult mindset to change,, but if we don't learn to change it ourselves, our body will force us to learn it.... the hard way.
I think it was Oprah (now diagnosed with hypothyroid herself I think) who said that we get reminders. At first it might be a pebble thrown at us. But if we don’t listen it will be a brick! Honestly even although the brick has been thrown and received, it’s still difficult. That’s why RickGrimes point is so important. Even when ‘well’ it happens. In a funny way it gives me hope.
Hi,
I suffer from really bad fatigue and muscle weakness (I have Graves disease and had a total thyroidectomy last year). On a good day, I can get stuff done. On a bad day, I can struggle to get off the couch. Exercise is pretty much a thing of the past - this from someone who used to run, do cardio and lift weights.
A few suggestions: have you had your bloods tested recently? Could any of the symptoms be hormonal. I had horrendous brain fog last year which thankfully has lifted after I started HRT. Another area to check on is anemia and B12 deficiency. Both can also lead to tiredness. Similarly, Vitamin D levels are worth asking about. Following the advice of a doctor, I now take vitamin D, folic acid and B12 supplements.
Hope helps.
(I loved the car analogy. When I was first diagnosed with Graves disease I felt like I had aged by 30 years)
Of course you were sick , and when it happens we all need to be kinder to ourselves.But I think that is true of people whom are generally healthy , not just those with Thyroid issues and other chronic issues too.
No body should beat themselves up for getting the January Blues or suffering from Stress that's the type of behaviour that causes triggers of poor health at the start.
You were sick but you were also probably being effected by the " January Blues" , or change , from festivities back to routine too.
I think we often forget that we also used to have down days , sick days and low days which fitted into a Seasonal or work pattern when we didn't have a chronic problem and that we still have them now , it's just that it effects us so much more because we have a health issue.
Basically, we all go through the same real life stresses , high and lows , but our bodies aren't as capable of dealing with them or pushing through the symptoms as we were before.
Sometimes , it isn't that our thyroid levels are out of balance , sometimes it's our thyroid effected body just reminding us to live life by " New Normal" rules.
Your story is very insightful, and will hopefully make us all think about how we plan and pace our days even when our thyroid is behaving itself. Take care
I was busy in the lead up to Christmas, but, I thought, not too busy…….Christmas Day had my family over ❤️ and we had a lovely day (I only did roast dinner and my daughter brought the Yorkshires). But my son and daughter-in-law stayed till nearly midnight. I don’t care, it was lovely to be with them.
Needless to say, the day after I had a migraine and we didn’t pop over to my brother in law’s for a few hours. It took me all week to even feel ok to do more than just wash up. But I know my mother-in-law thinks I wasn’t ill and my sister-in-law hasn’t even messaged to see if I feel better……it hurts, but I have to try and remember that they have no idea what it’s like to have thyroid issues.
You be kind to yourself and enjoy your family time. They grow up too quickly ☺️🧁
You know, a lot of people work really hard or are very busy with many things, especially before Christmas. I have a friend who gets sick at Christmas almost every year (and school holiday, she's a teacher). When we go so hard and then suddenly stop for a break, our body sometimes just rebels and shuts down to get the rest it really needs. Perhaps we just need to pace ourselves better and take mini breaks, time-outs from stress etc. Hope you are feeling better soon!
Thank you to everyone for your really supportive and insightful replies. I've run of of steam to reply to everyone, but I've taken something from all the comments. Thank you X
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