Struggling Spouse

[Tru4hockey]

Husband has had Graves for sure for 1 year although I think was 2 years And trigger for him was the death of his sister and the grief just took him over . He since all the Graves’ disease struggles with who he is his character is so not him and his anger and lashing out and just awful cruel irraraional behavior ! About 6 weeks post op he decided that two year was the worst years of his life and wanted to end our marriage of 26 years and 5 children . He is erratic And hormone levels still not normal after thyroidectomy and removal of one para thyroid. He has pushed everyone away ! This man lived and breathed Family . “He is not going to do him and not going to going to worry about anyone else” The best way I can describe him is like dealing with him is bi-polar, adhd , dementia , and just our right mean! I seem to be trigger for him yet he makes comments like this is worst 3 years of his life he lost his sister now me and his kids ! ( by his choice ). I love him and do anything for him and he continues to lash out and tear me down one moment the next he is nice . I don’t know this man anymore does anyone else have this ? I have told him you will not break me I love you unconditionally and I am here ! But self care is getting harder and the kids are now struggling due to his behavior and is being sent to stay with my family . We have lost everything he has no desire to work can’t get out of bed. His endo is worried and sent him behavioral health ! Awaiting this appt and wondering how are they gonna help when he thinks he is fine ! He tells me I’m good or I’m fine ! How do I just keep standing by when he does not care afraid I have lost him .

[shaws Administrator]

Welcome to our forum and I am very sorry your husband is very unwell shown by his behaviour.

I think an appointment should be made to see the Endocrinologist urgently who suggested the removal of his thyroid gland. If your husband is on T4 (levothyroxine alone) when he should be on a combination of T4/T3. They just cannot whip it out and then forget about the patient.

The Endo should test his Free T4 and Free T3 and both have to be at the top of the ranges and TSH 1 or lower. Levothyroxine is an inactive hormone and your husband may not be converting it to T3 and it is T3 which is required in our millions of T3 receptor cells and heart and brain contain the most.

Your family life is upside/down at present due to husband's behaviour but if could well be due to the lack of T3 in his blood.

Another's story.

thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/TUK_PD...

thetimes.co.uk/article/thyr...

All blood tests have to be at the very earliest, fasting (he can drink water) and allow 24 hour gap between last dose of levo and test and take afterwards. Levo should usually be taken first thing with one full glass of water and wait an hour before eating.

[Tru4hockey in reply to shaws]

His thyroid was toxic And parathyroid was 5 times normal size and he is in synthroid 112mcg he is raking he also had vitamin and calcium supplements they are weening him off of to see if he can have his parathyroid kick back in . He has heart cath ablation done in January and Graves was found after atrial fibrillation was fixed and thyroid / Graves causing arrhythmias still happening he saw endo last week and has gained since August 45lbs and ordering labs in 2 mths she only tested his calcium levels she said oh since you have gained so much weight at next visit we will

Check thyroid levels ugh !!!!

[shaws Administrator in reply to Tru4hockey]

It's a disgrace. Unexplained weight gain can be due to levothyroxine and not being on a sufficient dose or the need for some T3. However I don't know why they cannot give your husband a T4/T3 combination. Surely that's easy for them today when someone is clearly suffering badly. It is also reflected across the whole family.

The endocrinologist can go home but you and family have a very sick individual who's not being cared for as he should be by the experts. The very, very least is a combination of T4/T3 and some people only recover on T3 itself as they sometimes cannot convert T4 (levothyroxine) into sufficient T3. The aim is a TSH of 1 or lower (some professionals think up to 4 or 5 is acceptable) with the Frees in the upper part of the ranges.

[shaws Administrator]

Always get a print-out of the blood test results for his own records and you can post with the ranges for any other questions you may have.

The aim is a TSH of 1 or lower, FT4 and FT3 in the upper part of the ranges. Also B12, Vit D, iron, ferritin and folate should be tested by GP and made optimal.

[Tru4hockey]

Does synthroid not have T3 and T4 combo ?

[Tru4hockey]

Ahhh I see and his levels of t3 are low as a matter of fact ! I refuse to give up on him he is sick and I know this is not him !

[Boohbette17]

Oh my Tru4hockey, I agree more help w/thyroid meds & levels are needed . I had a few thoughts : sometimes blood sugar levels are at play with erratic behavior. We all have ebb&flows daily not only from what we eat but also actual illness ( such as infection) , emotion, sleep deprivation, even wrong breathing ( as in holding breath as one drives) - all these raise blood sugar.

2nd, I have a friend which I witnessed go into the other realm of mental health w/true bipolar1 .Its scarey & sad . Its not only weird behavior but also genuine psychosis . They cycle episodes of mania ( think high energy ) and lows & during them they have delusions of persecuton & grandure . If you are lucky to talk to them ( they often run away & far ) they talk /look THRU you. They are barely present . It lasts days to weeks and inevitably they usually hurt themselves ( such as a car crash) that causes someone to take notice & finally hospitalize them.

I of course am not there w/you to see but please go thru all the thyroid & the key hormones before having anyone convince you of psychiatric issue. The meds needed are nothing to play with ( which health providers are often too eager to give) and it doesnt get to the ROOT CAUSE.

Im not saying if there is mental health issue to not take meds but rather check EVERYTHING else first UNLESS there is an episode of psychosis. ALSO at the time my friend was admitted she had a RAGING UTI - that kind of infection makes a person behave weird too.

BTW prior to her issue , my mom was bedbound & suffered from UTI's, once into sepsis so I learned about this - That I demand the hospital to do a CULTURE iof the blood & urine of my friend.

Have your husband checked for UTI too. A person doesnt always show "clasdic" fever signs. STAND FIRM to get your answers - Im rooting for you & him & your family🙏🌤💗

PS here is some info on other key hormones & the way food interacts

saragottfriedmd.com/what-to...

PS PS during her worst time my friends' family abandoned her so I jumped in & became her rep payee - its much more care than finaces , its a commitment to not let go

[Littlebowpeep]

Dear Tru4hockey, Iam so sorry you and your husband are going though this terrible time. The picture you showed at first, the woman and man, attached by vines, shows your feeling of commitment towards your husband and your marriage. The blossoms on some of the vines shows the good times and bounding times you have had with this person you deeply love. The womans head is held looking down in sadness, the mans face is looking straight ahead, with a kind of determination. You have heartbreakingly shown how you perceive your marriage in its present state. I feel that once your husband gets the right medical treatment and medicines, things will start changing for the better. However, having gone through the same operation, and having had the same things done, I am seeing in your husband what I have been feeling myself. They cant get my thyroid level right either(its been over a year) Iam very depressed, and have mood swings as well. Also feeling detached from people around me. I dont want to be around my family, not because I dont love them, but because I have no emotional energy, and its causing problems. I think, that after the death of your husbands sister, he has a grief that feels like its burying him alive. This huge huge life event, coupled with all the physical problems that he has, probably has thrown him into a major depression. cognitive behavioral therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy both can help a person navigate their way through the darkness that makes them feel helpless and hopeless. Your husband is really blessed to have someone like you standing beside him, through the hard times, giving him unconditional love. Its my prayer that he will accept the fact that its ok to get help, it shows uncommon bravery to allow help, he would be doing this for you and the kids, as well as for himself. I will be praying for you, you are so strong and brave, and loving, to try and do all that you can for your husband and marriage. You need taken care of as well. You cant do your best in this stressful situation unless you are making sure you are mindful of your physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Know that everyone here will be more than happy to keep in touch with you. And there is a wealth of collective wisdom that you have to help you through, blessings,❤, littlebowpeep

[Tru4hockey in reply to Littlebowpeep]

I love him so much And he is so cold and just our right not himself kids and I are truly suffering and he is just like he is single and I am doing everything on my own and I still help him also

[Littlebowpeep in reply to Tru4hockey]

Dear Tru4hockey, you can only do for your husband to the best of your abilities. Be sure you ask for help from family and friends. You have to stay well for your kids, and for yourself. Iam so sorry for your situation as it is right now. Iam praying God will protect your emotions, and the drain on your energy. And bring some answers for you and your husband.❤blessings, take care of yourself❤

[Tru4hockey in reply to Littlebowpeep]

I have a great support system I just wish I could careless and not worry about him but my love for him is so strong and I am in therapy and he is scheduled for behavioral health evaluation with psychiatrist and I pray that he stops the denial he has and gets the proper health care to bring him back to his family

[Littlebowpeep in reply to Tru4hockey]

Dear Tru4hockey, I am so glad to hear you have support and getting help for yourself. You can only do so much, and your doing all you can. I will be praying for you daily. Keep your eyes on Jesus, and keep on praying for your husband, blessings to you and your family, ❤littelbowpeep

[Tru4hockey in reply to Littlebowpeep]

Behavioral health called yesterday and have him set up but not soon enough dec 20th he has been very bad last 3 days and my son cries as much as I do I just pray he gets help needed and he went to cardiologist yesterday first time in 26 years he asked me not to go he now needs another heart surgery I am strong but he is pushing me away more and more and my heart hurts . I just hope for some peace these up coming holidays with 5 kids is gonna be rough but everyday I wake up forgive and forget and go back at it thank you for your kind words

[Littlebowpeep in reply to Tru4hockey]

Dear Tru4hockey, you are truly going through a firestorm of trials. I loved how you said that each day you wake up, forgive and forget, and go back at it. You are truely fighting an emotional war everyday. Bless you dear lady, you are honoring your marriage, and loving your husband unconditionally, keep your chin up. Remember, you can only do what is possiable for you to do, keep praying and asking for guidance. Stay safe, take care of yourself, rest in Gods provisions, blessings,❤Littlebowpeep

[silverfox7]

I can't add to what has already been said but I had a very difficult husband after an accident causing brain damage and we also had a young family so I do understand. Being able to get the right tests done and the answers would be a good start to unravel the problem and hopefully lead to improvements. I hope it's helped you by sharing as well.