Grieving for my thyroid 😥

[Saya85]

So I had an ultrasound to check for thyroid nodules.

Doctor confirmed no nodules but a very patchy thyroid tissue lining consistent with thyroiditis in past (is that consistent with a specific attack/virus or ongoing Hashimoto?)

Anyway she showed me the scan and showed my thyroid full of holes.. you could barely make the horseshoe lining out.

But then she showed me her own thyroid (!) perfectly smooth and full and no holes!

And my heart broke 💔

I want to laugh but I suddenly felt such loss at my poor little lost thyroid. They’ve always said it’s very small due to long term treatment etc but it just seemed so stark.

Am I being silly? 😕

[humanbean]

Am I being silly? 😕

No! Anyone who loses a part of their body that makes a big difference to their lives whether it is a leg, a thyroid, an eye, always has to mourn for the life that they will no longer have.

I doubt many people mourns a lost appendix or tonsils. But most of the body is pretty damn important to quality of life. So mourning the loss is totally normal in my opinion.

[bantam12 in reply to humanbean]

For me, if the part removed was causing problems it's a time to celebrate its departure 😉 I've lost various bits of me but can't say I was ever sad about it 😊

[humanbean in reply to bantam12]

I've had various bits removed too, and I did mourn them. In my case the removals were either done too late to make a big difference or I was still left with quality of life issues and pain.

I suppose what I mourn is losing any hope that I would ever be "normal".

[Saya85 in reply to humanbean]

Thank you. Yes I had never really ‘grieved’ over it although was increasingly frustrated at the deterioration in quality of life ( but thankful I finally had diagnosis and way forward).

But seeing it so starkly like that just shocked and saddened me.

That’s life eh

[Music1]

Oh Saya, My heart goes out to you. I dread to think what mine looks like now. Despite being on Levo I feel exhausted everyday doing the simple/ smallest things. I think if someone had shown me something damaged like that and then compared with their own that isn't damaged I would have been in tears and grieving as well. I can't advise, so I'm just sending you a virtual hug and saying 'you're not alone if you want to talk or PM me'. x

[Saya85 in reply to Music1]

Aww thank you music1!

Yes that’s exactly how I felt - I expected some damage etc but when she showed me her ‘normal’ thyroid it was like a smack in the face. Lost any hope of regaining thyroid function or tissue.

I can empathise with your energy levels. Sometimes levo isn’t enough. I’m contemplsting t3 supplementation as it’s still quite low last 2 tests. However I’ve been very lax on my vitamin supplementation so that may be causing it. Hopefully you’ve got all that sorted- I’m happy to hear from you though- was going to PM you to see where you’d disappeared to 🤣

Ivf seems a long way off although il prob have another go in august /September. Life is exhausting

[Music1 in reply to Saya85]

Ivf does seem a very long time off. We're hoping to have our final go before Oct. Getting my other half to commit to some time off for it, and expecting another failure anyhow. I can't go through having another scratch under sedation, and waking up with blood all over my hand from the canular and then being told the actual ivf is cancelled again.

I've been trying to be good/ regular with suppliments. I bought one of those 'pill' boxes that I fill up weekly. I feel like a 90 year old most days and I bet they would have more energy than me lol.

So sorry about your thyroid. By giving you the 'healthy comparison' it's a huge smack in the gob and a harsh reality hit. I would have been devistated. They won't do any scan etc for me. I also seem to be losing my hearing in 1 ear which is a bit strange (glad it's just 1 ear) but I suspect that could be linked to everything. Please stay in touch. You're been such a tower of strength to me. And I'm wishing both of us success before the year is out. Best wishes x

[Saya85 in reply to Music1]

Aww definitely !! Will pop in more regularly but was taking a little break from the constant madness lol.

Good luck to you too xx

[Music1 in reply to Saya85]

Totally understandable. Sometimes it's nice to try and forget and just get on with things. You can always PM me if you want a chat Saya, you've always been there for me. x