Family and Hashimoto's

[Maggimai]

Has anyone here had problems with family members as a result of you having thyroid problems

I ask as I get nil help and total lack of sympathy from my son and grandkids, worse still I get jeered and rediculus, and I'm a 71 year old granny.

[DaisyBelle85]

Hi Maggimai, sorry to hear about the lack of support you're getting from your family. Unfortunately people can be very ignorant of "invisible" illnesses and how they can impact people's lives, and tend to think that it's exaggerated or simply for attention seeking.

You could try printing out some information regarding the different symptoms caused by thyroid disease, or even showing the public posts from other sufferers to help them gain a better understanding of what you are dealing with on a daily basis.

No on deserves to be ridiculed or jeered about their ill health, especially not a grandmother of your age.

I hope things get better for you x

[rosserk]

My family go through all the right motions but to be honest I think they’re really sick of me! Most of the time I look ok but feel absolutely awful so I think they feel like I’m putting it on or exaggerating my symptoms. I try to explain it to them but you can tell they’re not really listening.

I can absolutely see why family members would get fed up with us and convince themselves we are making it up because mostly there’s no physical signs that they can see.

I’m 56 years old and when I first got sick my hubby convinced himself it was the menopause because of the sweating. I’ve told him dozens of times it’s nothing like a hot flash but I’m really wasting my breath. When I was diagnosed with hypothyroid and tried to explain the hormones involved he said ‘I told you it was hormone related’. I’ve tried telling him that I’m not actually hot I’m cold and saturated in sweat but it’s a waste of time. Don’t get me wrong he waits on me hand and foot but I’m not sure he does that because he believes I’m really sick it’s because he’s a lovely person who takes care of everyone.

Today my Achilles’ tendons are killing me and I’m struggling to walk but yesterday I was walking fine so I’m dreading him coming home and telling h8m I can hardly walk due to the pain.

I think this is a great idea for a thread where people can list their symptoms and discuss how no one believes them. If there’s enough responses I can show them to my family, so they can see I’m not the only one inventing strange symptoms there’s loads of people with the same problem!

I really feel for you it’s not fun having this illness because we have to waste time and energy convincing everyone including the Doctors how sick we actually are before anyone will help us!

I hope you get some help and support soon x

[Marz]

survivinghashimotos.blogspo...

Hope this helps ! My family are now at the age when for them things are no longer perfect and ailments are beginning to creep in that were not there before ... Certainly one must NOT mention the war !!

[marigold22 in reply to Marz]

Thank you Marz for that "poem'" . It's the first of its kind that I have read. It's fantastic and sums it all up perfectly. A dozen copies will be printed out and left lying around !!

[Kes8]

I am sorry that you are having problems with your family.

I don't get much help often told to "Just push through" or "Got to have a goal" which I presume they think is helpful but just makes me feel like I am being weak.

But I can rationalise that if I hadn't gone through for me the last two years I wouldn't understand properly either.

I do find it amusing that the biggest hypochondriacs are usually the very ones who don't have any sympathy or kindness for others.

[Maggimai in reply to Kes8]

tha.k you, you are so right about hypochondriacs, I smiled when I read that, I regard myself as a kind hearted person who has no bother empathising with others when they are ill etc, etc, I have experienced enough of people who lack this ability solely due to their having a selfish personality, I use to make excuses for such people but not anymore.

[dang]

Sorry to hear you’re not getting sympathy from your family. I’m lucky enough to get sympathy from my family only when I really need it, which is not often but sometimes it can happen that my mood is affected, and I’ve explained to them that it’s sometimes hormonal and has nothing to do with them, and I ask them to go easy on me in those times they understand. But the sympathy ends there.

I’m aware that they’re not conscious and considerate of what I’m going through at all moments, and how could they be? They’re not in my shoes, so they can’t possibly know. I used to try to “push” understanding on them to get compassion, but I didn’t really get it, and I ended up having lots of issues with all family members. They would often get angry at me and act out, and later when we’d finally communicate they would say that they are internally angry for my condition, but they don’t understand it and don’t know how to help so they act out.

So over time I saw that they weren’t the ones to rely on, and that I was actually damaging the family dynamic in some way (without meaning to). My realization and acceptance of that means that I don’t actually put my problems on my family or friends anymore, because I know they aren’t the “correct” support system.

In a way it’s like asking a taxi driver to pilot a plane, if you’re asking for sympathy you can’t always expect to get it from someone who can’t possibly relate to your condition. That’s what this forum is for, you should rely more on people who are in your situation and can actually relate to you. You will get sympathy here. And you may also find that things get easier with your family.

I didn’t intend to put the blame on you, I hope it doesn’t come across this way. I’m just speaking from my experience, my life with my family has gotten a lot better since I stopped expecting their sympathy, and once I took a little more control of the situation myself rather than asking from others.

Your situation might be completely different, so maybe my advice doesn’t work for you. But either way I really hope you find a way of better communicating with your family

[Supul]

Dear Maggimai (love the name!),

Oh yes, indeed I have!

When I suffered my thyroid crisis, I had no idea what was happening to me. Such a frightening experience! And, I had suffered hypothyroidism 25 years, no problems taking meds, working...

Well, all I can say to you, on reflection, (purely my own experience), is don't waste time or energy concerning yourself over anyone who does not have, 'best interest for your wellbeing'.

Worse for me, was my GP of 28 years, would not accept my thyroid was causing horrendous symptoms. She is no longer my GP, I changed practice, after getting a hashimotos/thyroid toxicity, diagnosis from a London hospital consultant.

Because my GP was so dismissive, of my own understanding of what was making me feel so unwell, my husband took her word that I was merely suffering anxiety. Well, I was suffering anxiety as well, because 2 people I thought cared about my welfare, did not listen, nor act, in my best interest.

GP refused a blood test as the yearly refer was not up. She refused endo referral despite the fact I had never, ever seen one. Then, my husband of 45 years, frequently told me, he 'had to leave me as he did not sign up for this'!

I was so exhausted, wired and tired, trying to hold a marriage together, get my GP to understand, one day, I replied to my husband threat, by just about managing to lift my throbbing, foggy head, and say, ' go on then, and remember, you did sign up, taking your vows!'. I just did not have an ounce of energy to battle on!

Hearing those words come out of my mouth, was the turning point for my recovery. I knew I was on my own, would concentrate on getting my health (thyroid!), sorted. What a blessing in disguise.

What a journey! I searched the net. I found the help I needed. I came across Health Unlocked.... reading, researching, I didn't utter a word, I started to see that I was not going mad, not imagining my symptoms... HU brought me into contact with lovely people, who got me, and I got them!!!! Happy days! No longer alone, no longer isolated, my renewed self belief drove my need for diagnosing thyroid problems. I visited a consultant in London.

Before this reply turns into a book, (lol), suffice to say, I am on the road to recovering me! Yes, I will always have hypothyroidism, however my antibodies are now near non existent regarding thyroid.

I have a new GP, I have now seen an endocrinologist, I'm on a health plan, titrating meds to bring thyroid back to balance ... I will be seen after 6 months (which will be end of June), where the endo will decide if I need t3 added to levothyroxine..

I follow advice on this site, supplement vitamins etc, gluten free diet, barely any dairy, joined a walking group, kept friends who cared, ditched those that didn't appear to, kept my family, including my husband (lol)... however, most importantly, for me, the awful experience forced me to check in with myself. I found the hero, me, the one, that knows how I feel, when something needs attention regarding my health, I found that actually, I do have resources that ensure I never waste precious energy on hoping, expecting, loved ones will always support me... I let family believe I was putting up, and shutting up,.. all the time, saying no thanks to functions etc, I'm seeing so n so... (staying home researching, reading, down days getting support HU).

I'm in my marriage, family, friendships with my eyes wide open now. I can forgive my family and old friends, they did not have the knowledge or skills; I find it harder to forgive my old gp, she had a duty of care. If we can find research, get diagnosed elsewhere, why couldn't she have helped me in my time of crisis? It is insulting telling women they suffer anxiety only. Thyroid issues are not a new phenomena, in my opinion she should have known (and treated), better.

I send you much love, I empathise with your situation, I pray that you will get through this. Please post here often, I know you will be getting all the support we each give one another.

Please be aware, I did try all of Daisybelle85 lovely suggestions. Perhaps that approach will work for you?

Sadly, for me, my family were not willing to contemplate that my GP could be wrong. Anxiety is a very hard label/diagnosis to overcome.

My GP perception cost me a lot of grief I really did not need, on top of hashimotos.

[Marz in reply to Supul]

Great post - so much many of us will identify with. Thank you x

[Maggimai in reply to Supul]

Thank you so much Supul, you are so brave and strong person you didn't cave in, your post inspires me to be a stronger person and yes you are so right about HU, I am so glad I found this site, although I don't often get involved I do check in and read the posts, I do so admire those who have educated themselves about their condition, our condition I should say, I am reading up everything available about thyroid disorders.

Thank you so much for taking time to write post to me

Bless you.

[Supul in reply to Maggimai]

Thank you for that lovely response.

Trust me, when we get rock bottom. We have but two choices. Lay down believing we never get up again, or fight back. Sure enough, my rock bottom was a blessing in disguise. When no one is for you, we have to reach deep, and help ourselves. A very hard task but so worth it!

[Hidden]

I have had issues with certain family members for years and I think the difficulty in resolving them is very much related to hypo-maybe mine-maybe theirs.

[Marz in reply to Hidden]

Agree ! 😊

[Maggimai in reply to Hidden]

It is definitely our condition that cause conflict within some families, however, there are people who can show empathy and others who are simply selfish and only want to be around people who make them happy 24/7, and when you have been brought up by someone who went all out to make their world a happy one, when happy provider is no longer a barrel of laughs

The spoiled selfish person look on you as behaving in a manner that they see as spoiling their day/life.

They think you doing it on purpose. you are then feeling stressed by such behaviour and stress is the last thing you need. I know I must ho my own way, manage my stress by avoiding stressors and if stressors are people then I must avoid those people, I will explain my situation to them.

I'm going to see how it goes.

Thank you all for your support.

kind regards.

[Hidden in reply to Maggimai]

Good advice for many of us. For me, I seem to pick up negative energy from toxic people and have been told I'm sometimes too thin-skinned. I have come to not be bothered by this assessment as I see it as being aware intuitively of what others are feeling. So I need to make sure I have enough downtime for myself and I think this is the reason senior living is not for me. Too many people (and their issues) to deal with 24/7 in a close environment. It's not anyone's fault-just the way we each come off the assembly line. So my goal this year is to save my money and go back to very independent living and get out of the US system for seniors that starts with independent living, and moves onto assisted living and nursing homes for many of us as, in my opinion, social workers, and others, keep a close watch on us and have too much say in the level of supervised living they think we should have as we age. This is not where I want to live for the rest of my life. I need to go back to totally independent and unsupervised living asap. Everytime I go through the lobby on my way out I have to pass this big glassed in office where staff is always watching who we interact with, what our mood is like. I t reminds me of hospital nurses stations where everyone sits behind glass constantly watching over their charges. This is no way to live. There is a money component here too. These levels of care are moneymakers for many and to afford it often we have to sign our social security checks over to the institutions. I feel like my life and mental health depends on getting out from under the "shelving the elderly" system this country thinks is the way to grow old. I really needed to rant about this tonight. Thanks for listening. irina

[Cooper27]

My mum was hypo, and we did underestimate how difficult it made life for her - but you do, unless you know first hand. The problem is, you see someone is taking medication and you see others on the same medication, who feel fine because of it, and you therefore think it's just that this person is milking it a bit (maybe a bit like we all joke about "man flu") or that they're lazy. It's only since I've developed thyroid issues that I understand how much of your life it affects, and that feeling too tired to wash the dishes is a sign of illness, not necessarily laziness.

[Supul in reply to Cooper27]

How sad, Cooper.

I think my sister and my brother thought the same of me... to this day, I still don't understand how they couldn't see I was really suffering. They just judged me and saw me as moaning when I was so poorly.

[Cooper27 in reply to Supul]

I would add though that my sister and I were only kids when my mum was diagnosed! So I'd guess she also attempted to shield us from some of it... But in all honesty, I doubt she was ever on quite enough thyroxine (with the benefit of hindsight).

[Supul in reply to Cooper27]

I know what you mean. I struggled alone. Thyroid treatment has always been oh that's ok we can give u a little pill, you will have to take every day of your life, or you will die. No explanation, no support. Nothing.

How can any disease that requires medication every day, or death, not be worthy of raising awareness so that we, and the public understand just how hard it can be to function compared to non thyroid people???

Things are improving, due to places like HU. Thank God.

Your mom probably found not one person understood what she was going through because its never seen as an illness. I was the same. Yes, my children probably thought I was a killjoy as not as much energy as everyone else.

I've been diagnosed 28 years and have learned, and been helped, only through this site, thyroid UK. I owe them a lot!

[Cooper27 in reply to Supul]

Now I know better, I've been sticking up for mum more though - she passed away a few years ago of heart disease, so when people "don't understand why she couldn't have kept her weight in check", or "can't understand why she didn't exercise more" I tell them it was all down to her thyroid condition.

Sad thing is, I potentially see some symptoms in my sister, and told her it's so important to get tested, but I can see how my mum must have felt, because my sister has been dismissive thus far.

[Supul in reply to Cooper27]

I love that your "sticking up for Mom now". Though, don't beat yourself up. As you say, you were a child. If the medical establishment had supported thyroid patients better, things would have been so different.

My own Mom was never diagnosed autoimmune disease, though on reflection, I believe she had a fair few. (I have diagnosis of 3). She was unable to tolerate prescribed meds for joint pain, sadly, she self treated undiagnosed symptoms, using alcohol; eventually becoming alcohol dependent. Family persuasion helped her attend AA meetings whereby she remained in recovery for the rest of her life. I believe the experience of being able to bear her soul explaining what lead her to self medicate helped enormously. If only medical practitioners listened, without judgment.

Alas, she (and her family), lost 10 years of wellbeing because her GP thought her on going symptoms were in her head. He was annoyed she said prescription drugs made her feel worse. He told her he couldn't help if she didn't comply using prescription meds.

However, today there is a growing body of evidence that the gut must be healthy and often times needs supporting. Environmental issues cause damage too. My Mom worked in a factory. Imagine the toxins encountered daily, let alone the heavy demanding, stressful workload. (No benefits given back in the day; work and provide or go without). Of course, such knowledge wasn't available (well, to the public anyway), then.

All we can do is research, raise awareness, and know that our body informs us, via symptoms, when something needs to change. If Drs are too arrogant or ignorant to help us, we must keep shopping around. We need to address each body system including mind, body and spirit.

I love HU Thyroid UK etc. I thank God for such communities.

We research, support, share experiences, offer advice. Always, remembering what our own parents suffered in the past; as well as looking ahead to a healthier future for our children and for ourselves.

See what empathetic people we become through ill health? I bet your Mom, like mine, would help anyone in distress.

Let's not rely on Drs for all our needs. Together, we will become more wholesome.

Take care.

[ShootingStars]

The only people who can fully understand what we have been through and what we are currently going through with this disease are those who have it. There is no way that anyone can truly understand unless they have gone through it or through something similar.

I too have encountered family and friends who are rude, and who lack empathy and understanding. I have distanced myself from the toxic rude people who lack empathy and the ability to attempt to understand. I have a few family members and friends who also suffer through their own chronic conditions that rule their lives, and these are the people who understand the most. There are a few people who have never suffered through any chronic conditions who are nice and empathetic people who kindly try to understand and be supportive. I appreciate these people and the ones who are also suffering through their own chronic conditions. I do not appreciate the others.

I have learned not to try to even explain it to most people because their response is often unreal! Sarcastic comments about the word Hashimoto's, ridiculous and bad unsolicited advice, comments about how wonderful I look and how could I possibly ever be sick?? It's just not worth my breath to try to explain it. Most people don't even understand how the human body functions, so when I get all technical with them, they can't comprehend something as complex as thyroid function, thyroid disease, autoimmune disease, anti inflammatory diets, or taking any precautionary measure to try not to get sick.

Hashimoto's and hypothyroidism group hug, anyone? We all understand each other. No words are necessary.

[Supul in reply to ShootingStars]

Well said! Hugs yes! X

[ShootingStars in reply to Supul]

Hi Supul! Thanks for the hug!