Please acknowledge peoples efforts

Hi all,

Just a polite reminder that it is always nice for people that have answered a question or post to have their hard work and efforts acknowledged. We don't want thanks but a reply from the poster of the question/post to say that you have read the reply is always appreciated. There is nothing worse that spending 15 - 20 minutes replying to someone in detail only to never hear anything back.

Thank you.

47 Replies

It's always nice to hear back from people who've sorted out their health too, and can give hope to people looking for a diagnosis or recently diagnosed.

This is true Clutter - nothing like a success story to brighten our day - but its also nice to know that your answers are actually being read, which is what bugs me when you don't get any response. You don't actually know if you have completely wasted your time or if the poster has even bothered to come back on the site.

I would rather people came back to me and told me I was talking a load of rubbish (which I have been known to than have no answer at all.

Moggie x

Moggie, I don't think you talk rubbish at all. I find you so knowledgeable and kind. :-)

Thank you for that, although I have been known to have the odd gibberish moment (lol),

Moggie x

Don't we all? :-D

I presume everyone gets the email notifications I get which gives a synopsis of a reply.

I don't worry that my responses aren't read by the poster at all. If they are no longer interested in the response there are plenty of 'lurkers' who may benefit from my pearls of wisdom.

Maybe HU could add a button to responses indicating the OP had read them?

Good attitude - wish I could have a loan.

Moggie x

Saint Clutter! Has rather a nice ring. Shame I can't sustain it in RL:-D

Clutter, that is a good idea about a button, or if there was a way to send the notifications to your HU inbox.

The email I use for notifications is an anonymous one which I don't use very often, so I tend not to see notifications until they are very old. I'm lucky I have the time to come here and obsessively refresh my questions/posts to check for replies! :-)

If I'm honest, I'm always pleasantly surprised with how polite and constructive people generally are here, and how generously they respond to sometimes very needy requests, sometimes very demanding requests, sometimes very fragile psyches, odd and/or unintentionally offputting behaviour, etc. (I should clarify to say that only a tiny number of people here have been unusually troubled, demanding, etc, and it would be very easy to write them off a la virtually any other forum anywhere, but people don't get written off here.)

Yeah, I think responses here show that posters understand that people are ill, worried and frightened and exhibit a lot of patience and compassion.

I've seen uncalled for nastiness, sometimes quite vicious, from responders on some fora (not medical ones though).

Yes, this is a tiny oasis. :-)

Well said Moggie.

It's also rude to delete posts as well as not replying with a little 'thank you' when you've provided info by PM.

Feedback is always welcome when people are trying different things to improve their health. Knowledge is power!!

Here Here - well said.

Moggie x

Oh goodness you are making me doubt my manners now :D I can just see myself going over everything I posted to see if I've forgotten to reply to anyone :o

On a serious note though...I can totally see where this post is coming from.

No I don't mean replying to every single person that has answered you, I mean a response in general to let people know that their answers have not been in vain.

Just calling for common courtesy really.

Moggie x

...and sometimes you hear back and they tell you their story all over again without acknowledging the points you have raised to help - so you still don't know if the advice you have given is of any help....or if in fact action will be into the ether. The joys of internet communication I presume... Thanks Moggie for trying to raise the bar :-)

Grumpy Grandma - Crete x

The "off into the ether" made me laugh Marz but I know what you mean. You sometimes read their reply and think "have they read a word that I have written", as you say, the joys of internet communication - but at least some communication, any communication, is better than none.

Moggie x

We're all different and though this doesn't bother me, it obviously doesn't sit well with others. I hope it's okay to present a slightly different point of view.

With real respect for everyone here - and Moggie I think/hope you know I appreciate what you do here - wouldn't it be better directed to the poster(s) who failed to acknowledge your reply? I only say this because it seems that when this is raised as a general point, it's only the courteous people who worry about it and I suspect the others have no idea. Just a thought.

Of course its o.k. to present a different point of view - it wouldn't be much of a discussion if we couldn't.

Yes I take your point about contacting the poster directly BUT maybe people do not realise that they are doing something that upsets others.

New people to the site will maybe not grasp how we work on here and how their feedback/comments are important to encourage more dialogue on the post. If I look at a question or a post that 5 or 6 people have answered but no sign of the original poster then I will think twice about adding my comment, especially if the people that have answered already are asking for more info and getting no response.

Moggie x

I guess I suggested it because you are probably right: people don't realise it upsets others. Especially if someone does it repeatedly it might be worth bringing it to their attention. But if you wanted to be gentle with newbies you could be. :-) A reminder that others are waiting on more info would probably do it.

I wonder if some people feel shy after they post, or if they don't have the info they think they should have and maybe feel a bit stupid for having asked a question they don't have the appropriate details for.

Equally if you ask a question and don't bother to come back to add to it, then people will lose interest in the question and (if it happens repeatedly) eventually in the individual and it will be a self-limiting exercise.

This point has come up before and the only people who seemed to take notice were the already considerate, painfully polite people who apologised profusely just in case they'd ever accidentally left someone out (or that's what it seemed like to me). :-)

Anyway, we all have stuff that winds us up and stuff that doesn't. I get wound up by other things here. :-) I won't get into the specifics - it would only point up my own lack of generosity - but it has been mentioned here before.


Surely what it boils down to is Forum Etiquette although I appreciate there are no written rules on this, as far as I'm aware.

Personally, I don't start endless posts with endless questions as it's easy enough on here to do a Search. My eyes glaze over with some posters as it's very easy to spend the whole day on the internet.

Yes, it's very hard for newbies who can be overwhelmed by their condition and they do need support which they will get here. Obviously appreciate that they can forget to reply or update but that's OK, we all understand.

The Admin team do a sterling job and genuinely want to help people educate themselves. I think we're all very lucky that there is such a wide range of conditions shared by so many here. We're always learning!

Lol, sometimes I *do* feel like I start endless posts and I *can* spend the day here :-) but it's invariably when I feel like I need the contact with others. You can do a search, here or on the internet in general, but it is different than engaging in a conversation with like-minded people. Information is available in many places, but empathy and acknowledgement are important too.

I think some attention-seeking behaviour ('endless posts' etc) can be explained by the fact that some people are ignored or even scorned/ridiculed by their families, doctors, colleagues, etc.

The internet is obviously a fantastic resource when it's used wisely. Also very easy to over-think/over-research to the extent that confusion sets in by not seeing the wood for the trees.

Yes, I'm quite sure that you're right with regard to attention-seeking but as someone who's been ignored by doctors and even my own family, I prefer not to dwell and do something about it/get on with it.

For sure this condition can be very isolating and I would love to be able to have some sort of social life again. The days of me joining or leading mountain bike rides with random people has been well and truly over for years!

I agree, sometimes people have incredible problems and you really worry for them, loads of people in the group offer what help and support they can - then that's it - after all that effort you never hear from them again. I agree that even if you don't hear Froom the person you replied to, your information might help someone else, it would be nice to know what happened in the end rather than be left wondering.

I've also had no acknowledgement of some comments I've made in the past - but won't let that stop me! For me the point coming through here is that we're a community of individuals & so may not all share the same values, beliefs, lifestyles etc. anyway?

What I do find heartening is how (a) without exception, the administrators all contribute informed, helpful & supportive responses to postings & (b) the majority of fellow members are kind, supportive & well meaning. Thanks everyone & in the spirit of the current award ceremony season - too many to name, but you know who you are!!

No it definitely won't stop me, it's just that sometimes it would be interesting to know people get on.

I agree - it would be good to know how things panned out...

However, I've worked as a therapist since 2006 & learned very early on that you can give time, energy, support etc. to some individuals who will take from it what they believe they need then move on without a backward glance, most likely wanting to put that episode behind them. In my experience people will come back only if they believe they need to.

So maybe, no response is a good sign - that your words have made all the difference?!

Very good point.

And if you wonder what ever happened to a particular poster, why not ask them?

Ha ha - that's my big problem, I sometimes end up forgetting who it was and other times when I go back I can't even find the postings. I was just thinking at the start of this discussion I ought to make a note of everyone I reply to and then I could contact the people I feel worried about. Just got to suppose that things worked out for the people who don't get back in touch and that they got the help they needed :-)

I don't reply because sometimes there is nothing more to be said and i just think mmm thats answered that. Or posts can go off track and it ends up that the original subject has veered off and I think to myself its not relevant to me anymore but it's helping someone else. Or i have been off line for a few days and time elapsed and I think gosh that will be all forgotten about. It's not intended to snub or offend.

I absolutely agree & presumably eventually all posts must end!!!

Yes, exactly this.

Thanks guys for all your interesting comments and points of view but I am sticking to my original opinion that peoples efforts and hard work should be acknowledged. I am not talking about my own efforts but everyone that has their efforts ignored on this site as I think some got the impression that this question was written on a personal note.

I wouldn't dream of writing a blog or question, receiving loads of replies and comments, and then never going back into it - it goes against everything I have every been taught. Its the same as when a driver stops at a zebra crossing for you - if that person has taken the time out of their day, and the trouble of stopping then why wouldn't you put your hand up to thank them - saying thank you or acknowledging a persons efforts costs nothing but goes a hell of a long way.

Yes I get that people are ill on here, aren't we all, but how is it that some ill people can show appreciation and some cant. So I'm sorry to say that, excuses aside, I believe this all boils down to good manners and appreciating what others are doing for you.

Moggie x

I agree :-)

I also think as you do, I mean if somebody got no replies from a post or question they asked, they would be wondering if anyone read it,

it's the same as a normal conversation really, you just have to say at the very least, "thanks for all your advice and replies" simples! :)


Moggie x

I agree - basic good manners/ forum etiquette etc. cost nothing!

Moggie, isn't it interesting how your original comment has engendered such discussion - & I'm not sure any of us really disagree with you? Thanks to you for raising the issue & to everyone else who's contributed, it's certainly helped me explore reasons why some people might not respond (& yes, I suspect a small minority are just self-absorbed & not thinking of others' efforts & kindness, but I'll put that down to either a different upbringing or even that they're on the autistic spectrum & lack empathy!!) & that I have choices as to how I react to that.

I know only too well the frustration felt when I've done long reply to a post which Inc perhaps couple of questions in order to facilitate me helping further,,, then I get zero reply . But also when I return to that post perhaps a day later only to find that there's been half dozen more comments which I got no notification of only because that's how hu works,, indeed I only get notifications if someone replies to my comment. I prefer how Facebook works where when I show an interest in that post then I receive notification of all comments. so yes, my frustration is two fold. where on hu,, the poster may have actually said a general thank you and Inc some further detail, but I don't know about it. I can see that we all generally agree with moggie here and I for one, will make certain I make effort . Thanks for highlighting this,, plus thank you for your efforts on here,, you've always been great help. Ian

Hi All

We have asked HU for other ways to express that we have read something or found it helpful. Watch this space...! :)



Yes I have been using the recommend button, rather than clog up the replies just saying thank you, so a better way of acknowledging the answer would be good

One thing I have found very off-putting about HU is the fact that finding my own questions and posts is ... how can I say this? ... seriously non-obvious.

I wonder how many questions and posts are not responded to by the original poster because they forgot they had asked the questions or the post in the first place. Or if they remember about it, they can't find it? I don't use the email notification options in any forum I use, anywhere - I really consider such things as spam. I expect to be able to find all my activity simply and easily on the forum itself, but in HU that really doesn't happen. Instead, it is easier to see the activity, questions, and posts that others have done which is very strange. I think the My Activity option should show everything I've done, not just my responses to other people's questions and posts.

I wrote a post about this, and how I discovered how to see my own questions and posts, just in case anyone else has the same problem :

Going back to the OP though - I agree that people should acknowledge responses they get. It is simple courtesy. :) I like the idea of an acknowledgement button, to say that the OP has read a response they get.

And now I've just read that clicking on my picture will do it. Hmm, that is annoying. I'd never grasped that before!


Moggie x

What did I say? (That deserves that response, I mean?)

The clicking on the picture thing - how can it do it? and what will it do?

Moggie x

I obviously didn't express myself very well. I was annoyed with myself because I hadn't grasped it was possible!

I've been going into "Profile" then "View my public profile" every time I wanted to check everything I had done. I hadn't realised all I needed to do was click my picture. And I know that others have asked how to find their own posts and questions before, so I am not alone in having been baffled by this.

I see - and now it's my turn to apologise as I totally misread your answer, don't know how but I did - hence the "pardon" reply which was meant to be saying "come again".

One of the joys of internet communication is that you cannot gauge someone else's personality can you so could have easily taken my "pardon" totally the wrong way - seeing as I had misread your answer as well you must have wondered what the hell I was going on

Moggie x

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