according to my daughter and I need to stop going on "facebook for thyroid's" as it is just making me think I am ill.
This statement came about because I told her I had a gastro appt next week and this is how the conversation went.
Me: I've got a hosp appt of Monday"
Her: "What for"
Me: "for investigations"
Her: "what's supposed to be wrong with you now"
Me: "It's all part of my auto immune illness"
Her: "and this has been diagnosed has it, by a proper doctor?"
Me: "Yes - its been diagnosed by a consultant at the hosp"
Her: So what's it called then"
Me: Hashimotos - its an auto immune illness that, not only attacks the thyroid, but can attack other part of your body, like your gut, which is why the endocrinologist is sending me to a gastro as he thinks I have gut issues.
Her: "You do know that you can think yourself ill don't you"
Me: "Pardon"
Her: "It's true and I think you need to stop going on that "facebook for thyroid's" site as it is putting all sort of idea's in your head".
Me: So what you are saying is that it's not only all in my head but is also all in the head of the consultant at the hosp and he has "thought me ill" as well".
Her: I'm not saying that there is nothing at all wrong with you but you are making yourself worse with that bloody site"
Me: "I have you know that if it weren't for that bloody site I would be a lot worse than I am now, possibly unable to work, to look after my grandkids or to even get out of bed. Through that bloody site I have learnt to manage my condition and fight my corner with the doctors so that I get the best possible treatment"
Her "Whatever"
At this point I knew I was banging my head up against a brick wall and didn't bother to argue my case anymore. I didn't get annoyed with her as, in a funny way, I can see where she is coming from. I don't look ill and the only physical symptom is my weight gain. She can't see that I am VitD deficient or iron deficient or that sometimes I feel so tired I wish I could sleep for a week. She can't see that my heart goes into overdrive and causes me problems at times and she definitely can't, or won't, see that my mood swings (which can be from one extreme to the other) are controlled by whether this little thing in my neck is working properly or not. All she can see is that her mum spends more time than enough sitting in hosp waiting rooms going for test after test and that the pile of tablets by her mums bed is getting bigger and bigger and, in her words not mine "you are getting just like some of the little old ladies I work with" (she is a carer) and she also hears about one (in her book) imaginary symptom after another.
I can also understand that she is frightened - she's frightened that there is actually something serious wrong with me and she might lose me. She doesn't have a dad so I am all she has got and to face up to the possibility that I might actually be ill is not an option for her so she chooses to ignore it and to tell me off for daring to mention anything about it, as to do that is making her face up to the reality that there is a possibility that I am actually as ill as I say I am.
So I'm not blaming her for her attitude - we cant even get the doctors to believe how ill we sometimes feel so how the hell can we expect our nearest and dearest to understand - but I am disappointed that she doesn't even try to understand but thinks that my illness is an imaginary one. The way I look at it is that I am not wasting what precious energy I have trying to convince anyone, whether it be my family or my work colleagues, that I am not a fruit case (well not all the time.lol).
Moggie x
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ahhh Moggie, that's tough, *hugs* I, like you, can hear her fear in her comments, and yet it is disapointing when our loved ones don't believe in us and trust us. Is she young? i get the feeling that maybe a little more life experience might give her some more empathy, but I agree with you that in a way this stands testament to how well you have managed your own treatment that she doesn't really see you as being ill (despite teh pile of pills by your bedside!)
Definitely don't waste your energy trying to persuade her of anything, and in a way many of us do get a little obsessive about researching online, has she got children? did she maybe spend a lot of time online when she was pregnant, or does she not feel the need to research everything? we're all different, but maybe if you can find some parallels between how she deals with things and how you do, she may be a little less judgemental.
but i guess our families never hold any punches do they? in a way that friends might keep quiet, families tend to just say what they think, sometimes that's good and other times not so good. But the reality is that like many things in life, only people who have walked in your shoes will truly understand. good job we have this place for the listening!
She's not so young - she's 25 and has one child who was born cleft lip and pallet so has had more than her fair share of hosp appts, although I must say that the treatment her daughter received was exceptional and my daughter has now got the mentality that all doctors are as good as the team my granddaughter is under and that they shouldn't be questioned or argued with as they are very rarely wrong.
hhmm 25 is still quite young these days, but i agree it does sound as though she's experienced enough to have some more empathy. But if her experience has taught her to have total faith in the medics then it might be hard for her to see that there is another side. all i know is that the older i get the less judgemental I get and i am much more able to try and see things from a variety of positions, let's hope she gets there too. But if you continue to feel upset you could try writing her a letter just telling her how her comments make you feel?
I'm not really upset by her comments because, as I said, I can see where she is coming from. In actual fact I ended up smiling to myself at her naivety and thinking how like an ostrich she is - her head is well and truly buried as far as my illness is concerned.lol.
Moggie x
Do we share the same daughter???!!!
My 27 year old thinks I've lost the plot and shouldn't go near forums. However, she herself has experienced a Consultant prescribing ADs when she had a chronic stomach condition etc so realises that the NHS can treat people badly.
Your daughter will be concerned for you but also she may secretly be pleased that you're looking for answers and being pro-active.
Don't take it to heart and tell her that we all love you on here!!
Has your daughter got mauve hair at the moment and would she put the Catherine Tate character of schoolgirl Lauren Cooper to shame - if so then we may share a clone.
She hasn't really "bothered" me to much with her comments but it would be nice to get a bit of sympathy now and again.lol.
Looks like I'll have to turn to you's lot on here when I need a hug.
Here's the thing; I can see both perspectives - yours & your daughters'! I've been very recently diagnosed as hypo, probably for at least the last 10 years (!) having masked all the symptoms with my own, "mind over matter" approach by telling MYSELF it's "just" early menopause, normal ageing, the pressures of life etc. & to get on with it! Now the GP's named it, put me on 100mcg Levo, Calcium & Vit-D I'm being a little kinder to me... as naturally you'd want your daughters to be!
However, I will also confess that at twice your daughter's age Moggie, I'm still secretly less than sympathetic at times with my own mother when I think she doesn't help herself/ listen to my opinion... LOL!!
As you say, because our symptoms are unseen they can be easily dismissed. Personally (& yes, I know my situation is unique to me!) I believe the mind/body link is highly underrated & our mind-set has a huge overlay on our physical wellbeing (& of course, vice versa!). So, having joined the Forum last week I'm already sifting out what's useful, helpful, supportive & sympathetic... or not! It is good to know I'm not alone & others' experience, knowledge & wisdom can really help.
Yes I agree with you on the mind/body link, as it is well documented that cancer patients with a positive attitude can do a lot better than the patients that just give up but burying you head about something can be both very annoying and really frustrating.
Will have to remember NOT to mention any further hosp appts in the future as her lecturing me doesn't go down very well.lol.
Lol Moggie i have this with my daughter too she is 28, but she has had to help me a lot over the last 13 years she has moved out now with her daughter, she will say whats up with your face Me i dont feel well - her well you dont try and help yourself do you,get out of that chair, you spend all this money on endos and not one of them have helped you, get off facebook and help yourself, easier said than done when your heart and adrenaline are on overdrive everyday, i also have a son who lives with me, he never says to me anything about my illness, she will say all i want is for you to get better so that we can go out like mothers and daughters do so i can see where she is coming from x
.....oh dear Moggie - so good that you were able to share and offload with those who certainly love you and the support you give. I have always tried to be positive and light hearted about the 13 operations I have had - making jokes about surgeons not having any experience in packing holiday cases - as they never seem to put things back inside the way they were before Have come out of hospitals after serious surgery and cooked the family suppers on day 1 and so on....all many years ago....never wanting to alarm the family. In my first marriage it was certainly a case of - 'don't mention the war ! ' However - recently my eldest - now 46 - commented that in the past I talked about my ops as if they were Hollywood Oscars Hadn't realised I had been that upbeat !!
So whichever way we play it we cannot do things correctly.....should have ditched the fake tan to hide the wan complexion - and malingered longer on the chaise longue ! If only I had one !
Keep smiling Moggie - and as is happening with our three forty-somethings - they are not as indestructible as they thought they were in their 30's - so just stick around and watch things turn full circle.
makes me so glad my little fella is at the age where if i say im not feeling great today, says "its ok mummy, i`ll look after Lydia and cook dinner and you can watch tv".....bless his little cotton socks
(not that i would let him, mind you, he`s only 6!!)
I think kids understand more at that age than when they get older. They definitely seem to feel and understand more when mummy says she isn't feeling very well at 6 than they do at 26, so enjoy it while you can. Saying that you might have a total gem there who at 26 will still be offering to cook dinner.
Sorry to hear of your daughter's attitude Moggie. I have a son like that (45) who is just about to go into hospital for an operation for Reflux. When I tried to tell him to have his Thyroid checked as it could be familial he just did not want to know. I feel so frightened for him as I understand this to not be a very good operation and feel it could be totally unnecessary in his case if only he would bring up the question of Thyroid troubles. Luckily my daughter understands and is supportive (even telling me information she has found on TV or the internet, if she thinks it might help). I am scared to bring up the question of Thyroid again with my son as he has threatened not to talk to me again, and this would be quite easy as I only see him two or three times a year now. Am sure your daughter and my son will see things differently as they age, but it is so hard now. Do wish you well on your thyroid journey. Janet.
Sad isn't it when someone closes their mind on something that effects a family member. My daughter hasn't gone as far as to threaten to disown me and I think her attitude is more out of fear than anything, if she doesn't have to face up to it then it isn't happening.
I wouldn't even try to tell my 83 year old mother anything - she is of the age and mental attitude that you need to keep a stiff upper lip and you just get on with it.
sounds just like my son who threatened me with my grandkids for buying medication on the internet. but I think thats good advice just dont discuss it with them it makes life a lot easier. Hugs and prayers xxx
Thanks - yes I remember your blog and it was heart wrenching as, for other reasons, my eldest daughter has always used emotional blackmail on me with my granddaughters but, after speaking to my brother, I called her bluff and she has never done it since. That fear at the bottom of your stomach that you wouldn't see your grandkids again will stay with me for a long time so I totally knew where you were coming from.
You say your daughter is a carer???? I'm not quite sure she is in the best profession for her. I wonder how she is with others who have problems which are not quite obvious.
"you are getting just like some of the little old ladies I work with" that makes me feel rather uncomfortable.
My daughter is a brilliant carer and gets very upset and emotional when something happens to one of her "little old ladies".
She recently had to accompany one to the local hosp after a fall and was so upset that the doctors would not listen to her when she was telling them that the elderly ladies confusion and sickness was not normal, she was only in the care home due to lack of family and was a very independent lady. The hosp sent the elderly lady back to the care home after a few hours observation only for her to be re-admitted the next day. Turned out the lady had a bleed on her brain. My daughter was so upset and felt that she should have MADE the doctors listen to her.
I think you might have missed the bit in my post about my suspicions behind her attitude - which is fear - and fear can definitely cause some people to bury their heads in the sand.
You really have nothing to feel uncomfortable about.
It's probably best not to discuss any of your health issues with her. Maybe she's got a lot on her plate with the job she does, children she is bringing up and does not want to hear for various reasons and if so best to talk about it to someone who does. I have husband and three adult children - I rarely talk about my health to them - unless they specifically ask - and even then I skate over subject because other people's health when it is a chronic illness(even for nearest and dearest) unless it's an emergency 999 situation can be depressing. I don't want to sound cruel, it's just true. This site is an excellent place to vent and express yourself and then try as best as you can to get on ....
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ALL IN MY HEAD
Endo confirms it's all in my head! :p
Thanks to you all
CFS Doc is listening
