Having a rant

[Edgar77]

Don't be fooled by the name. I am a 64 female. My husband often tells me to Stop moaning. Deal with it, Or even Man up!! So I try to keep it to myself. I get things done. It's a struggle. I managed to leave the house before 10am. So now he thinks I can do it every day and I'm getting better.! As you all know this can flair up any time. He tells people I'm OK now. Then they wonder why I don't want to go out. If I say anything I'm moaning BUT if I keep quiet he thinks I'm OK. I can't win!! Just cos he wants to go to the party, holiday etc etc I feel manipulated and have to tag along furious inside.

[Maureen1958]

I feel for you. I have had IBS for almost 40 years now and also have fibromyalgia and TMJD (Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction). Please don't let him talk to you like that. Stand up for yourself.

[Luisa22]

I hear you.

For some unknown reason, some people cannot cope with an illness that is chronic, and somewhat unpredictable. Maybe it offends their idea of what is fair and right? Okay, we have to live with that every day.

My husband cared a lot about me, bless him. If I was ever unwell he was so kind to me, would do anything for me....until the 3rd day usually. About the third day if I wasn't "better" he was baffled, confused and felt helpless.

It took me some time to accept that was "just the way he was" and it had no bearing on how he cared about me. He was stumped, so turned away and went out or did some other thing, or tried to encourage me on to "you'll be better tomorrow". His brain simply couldn't cope.

(not talking about IBS there. I didn't have IBS in those days. Just anything that made me unwell for longer than he couldn't "fix" or thought rationally impossible.)

It might be that some people get a bit scared of chronic illness if they are lucky enough not to have it themselves. Especially when a chronic illness does things that make no sense most of the time (cue IBS!!)

And of course there are people who just don't understand IBS at all. They should be so lucky!

Plus, they don't even want to think about anything like that ruining their plans for a happy life, holidays, trips out, etc. They probably wonder why you do too!

Welcome to the horrible IBS reality!!

I do feel for you. I am lucky to be alone in fact even though I do miss companionship sometimes. But at least I can do what I like, or what my IBS allows me to do...on any given day!

Honestly I think dogs are better companions than humans, except for the fact that they would wonder why we aren't going for our 4 mile hike today...and why does my human stay so long in that awful "bathroom place" when we could be out chasing Squirrels?

[th1976]

Feel free to rant away. It helps! Tell him that he is making you stressed and that doesn't help. Tell him to do somethings on his own if you aren't up to it. If there is an activity on holiday that I can't do, I tell my husband to go off and enjoy himself.

[greylow]

My wife is exactly the same, always saying "just ignore it" ""or let's go out for a meal ",...you seem ok today ". I understand it impacts her life too, but there's nothing I can do about it. I haven't had a holiday for 20 years ,and she thinks it's because I don't want to go!!!!!!! that's my rant over.

[JanetJAM]

I know exactly how you feel my husband is much the same if we are going somewhere and I say I’m worried about going he says just forget about it you will be fine but I know I won’t be he just doesn’t to hear about it.

[XDjames]

It's very difficult to get across to someone who isn't going through IBS how it works, it's a learning process, with some bumps along the way. There will remain an element of resentment, and it adds to the distress that others around you are also suffering -they may need support too. I guess some people react in different ways, and you're hardly in a strong position to influence anyone. Quite simply you can't help how your body limits you and you should not be blamed for it. If you can't do it you can't do it. You have value in who you are and what you achieve even if it isn't going out to parties! You can plan a holiday but it's high risk. If I make travel arrangements it's always with maximum opportunity to cancel at the last minute without losing out (Premier Inn step forward .....) and the very cheapest flights. Or if by train, pay on the day. Driving is a risk because I may feel OK on the day to drive out but can't guarantee to be OK on the return trip. Hence day trips -and happily I live somewhere that's good for that. Alas having IBS makes your living more expensive.

[RuthBlossom]

Hi there,

I just read your message and wanted to reach out with some encouragement. It's clear you're dealing with a lot, and I admire your strength and perseverance. Managing IBS is incredibly challenging, especially when those around you might not fully understand what you're going through.

It's important to remember that your feelings and experiences are valid. You're not moaning—you're expressing the reality of living with a chronic condition. It's not easy, and you're doing an amazing job by pushing through each day, even when it's tough.

It sounds like your husband might not fully grasp the unpredictable nature of IBS. Have you considered having an open and honest conversation with him about how you're feeling? Sometimes, sharing specific examples of how IBS affects you daily can help others understand better or showing him other peoples struggles with IBS. I had the same experience, my BF couldnt understand things.. The more I spoke to people infront of him that had IBS struggles the more he came to understand me. The doctor even told him how painful a flare up is..

Remember, you're not alone. Many of us in the IBS community understand exactly what you're going through. It's okay to advocate for yourself and to seek the support you need. Whether it's through talking with your husband, educating those around you, or leaning on this community, there are ways to make your voice heard.

Keep going, and don't hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. You're doing your best, and that’s more than enough.

Take care and stay strong,

[Grassmower]

Inside you are furious. Outside you are....?

I suggest exploring that more.

This is a classic conflict that some think is played out in IBS, the bowels being the site of psychic conflict that is a reflection of possibly unvoiced conflict in your life.

[Health650]

People, even nice people don't understand the effect of a 24/7 problem...how you have to manage everything, plan everything, how much effort goes into trying to do certain things which other people just dont have to consider and the worry of what might happen if....... Also there are those who think they have some good advice for you( because obviously it worked for their great grandma....then there are the optimists that think somehow one day, you will magically righten. My husband is amazingly kind and supportive but I have had to piece by piece spell everything out in triplicate so many times, especially in the early days.Also many people think a good gastroenterologist will know your problem and sort it......if only.