Over the years I have had many friends, but as my health declined they have all drifted away. I'm not surprised I was often unable to go out and join in any fun. Now I have no friends my parents recently died at a good age. Both my sons have had to move where work takes them and a two hour drive there and 2 hours back is just too much for me now. My 2 and half year old grandson does not even know me. My husband is always out with his friends cos I'm no fun anymore. He says I'm not trying, stop attention seeking and moaning. So I stop then he thinks I'm OK so why don't I go out. Apart from the fact I'm in pain and exhausted I dare not be far from the loo. IBS destroys relationships. I need a doctor to sit my hubby down and tell him what it does as he is not listening to me. He is always making plans to go out or booking a holiday as a "surprise" so I am backed into a corner and can't get out of it. I pretend I'm enjoying it but we are with his friends and I just want to go home.
IBS and friends: Over the years I have had many... - IBS Network
IBS and friends
Try not to despair too much, i have written to you recently, I certainly know what you mean about losing friends, I us d to love to go out and about, but I am in constant pain and have to be near a toilet all the time, I used to be so confident. I am going for a sigmoidoscopy this coming Tuesday I really hope they can fix it, I have rector, defication, rectocele, plus I have Sibo and they say IB S whatever it is it is making my life hell, they have virtually done nothing to help me in the last two and a half years, I am over seventy and I wonder if they can’t be bothered with anyone elderly. I will keep in touch.
Thanks for your reply. I hope they can help you. At least I don't leak but still feel the need most of the time and embarrassing wind! I had a bad morning but at least I have a loverly sister who Trys to understand me. She took me to a garden centre when I felt stronger in the afternoon. (Often the case) we had tea and a nice chat. She is older than me 65 but far more energy. I would be lost without her.
I am 63 and feel the same way. My GI doctor is worthless. My primary care I cant see her until December! I am at my wits end!
I know what you mean, but I don't have so bad. It's not right to put pressure on you, it's hard enough already. I was feeling better during summer (same as last year, a suspicion that flares are seasonal) and I felt ready to press the button on a long overseas trip with my wife. I just about got away with it, but from what my wife could see it was so challenging for me that she will (she says) now never put pressure on me for a foreign trip, but I'll fall over myself to pay her travel costs if she wants to go. Staying away in the UK is still not the easiest (out of the question to stay in daughter's house) but at least I can get on a train if it goes wrong. Next, day trips -on a good day- and more local trips, best in the afternoon with clear warning of being subject to short notice cancellation, so as little as possible booked in advance and avoid eating out. I still make the effort, and small wins are psychological boosts. Thankfully of an age where I can avoid inconvenient work F2F meetings if needed and can show up when it works for me.
If you ask me, your husband needs a kick up his arse! You need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and make him listen. Show him this post and tell him from me he is a selfish barstard. My first husband was like that, it was probably his fault I got IBS in the first place as he was playing away. I was determined to not get married again but when I met my second husband he was kind and thoughtful and still is and helping me all he can to try and find some help with my IBS, Fibromayalgia and TMJD. I don't have any friends either, they disappeard years ago, I think that is par for the course. I did have one good friend but she died over 20 years ago.
I also have had this for problem for the last 4 years at least my Husband retired early last year and was expecting US 2 travel ( holidays abroad ETC ) and he was a selfish so&so as when this all started for me during the 1st lock down I was indoors throughout only going 2 medical appoints ( Breast Cancer ) and my son died suddenly Dec 7th 19 so crap Xmas that year his Funeral 30th Dec as I written then all through that Covid stuff not able to go any where then this IBS/Divericular Disease found in my 1st colonoscopy thought a course of tablets and all would be well!! had polyps 6/7 removed and during that 1 the Consultant said I had more so had to go back 2 weeks later to have 3/4 more removed again thought I would be given some more tablets to cure it how wrong was I? As it's still there now bloody stuff as again early this year still having bowel problems so another colon scan all OK each time given LOW FODMAP diet sheet shoved out the Hospital door and more or less get on with it ( prep stuff was bloody awful no control of bowels ) on top of that my Mum died this year and I was not able to go to her Funeral as she lived 150 miles away my 3 brothers said Oh there is toilets on the motorway ( So my name is muck with them!!! ) my sister is a little more understanding but only just!! as we all know until people have this awful bowel problem ( which I hope they don't ) they just don't know what we go through on a daily basis at all Well all I can say is thank you very much 4 online shopping ( not that I eat much ) So your message rings so very true 2 mine it's as if people think we put it on So you are not on your own and it wasn't until I got on this website just how many of us that there was!!! Oh please take care of yourself well as best as you canxx
So sorry to hear about your son, that must have been awful for you. Nobody expects their child to die before them, it must have been such an awful time for you. It also must have been awful not to be able to attend your mum's funeral without your siblings making it worse for you. I cannot understand people, why can't people put themselves into your shoes for a short while and think how they would deal with such awful circumstances and then get stick for it. People, I give up with them!
Thank you for your reply and it's true what you said these people should try and walk a day in our shoes then everyone would not be so bloody easy to judge us and I would like to thank you for your kind words so take care OK and I wish you well
I am very sorry for your loss of your son, and your mother, bungi.
IBS is a really awful thing. and yes we have no choice but to struggle on daily and try to put a brave face on it, and almost no one understands why we can't do this and that or travel like they do so easily. You take care and I send you my kind thoughts. x
It can be difficult sometimes to have family members who truly understand IBS. I guess nobody fully understands it unless they've had it.
But I have to agree with Maureen. If you tell someone what exactly it is that you're going through. and is no fault of your own, it's your body's dictatorship of you, then they should have the respect for you to listen and at least try to understand. Or to simply take your word for it and not to pressure you into things they would like to do and expect you to gleefully join in at a moment's notice.
You bet if you had a broken leg, or multiple sclerosis or something like heart failure, they would snap to a bit more and listen!
But they have no idea what having IBS is like. Even though you can't die of it, it's still unpleasant and the symptoms are very difficult to live with. Plus with some people it can be an up-and-down situation.
"Surprise travel" would be my nightmare gift come true! I can't imagine anything worse except perhaps....extended "surprise travel" for weeks on end.
So far I don't get incontinence or anything but I can just feel so rotten (exactly like having a tummy bug or food poisoning or something) when an IBS flare comes -as it often does -out of the blue, and can't enjoy anything at all at those times. It's hard enough to endure through the ordinary day without any surprises or the stress of travel.
Some people think that sort of thing is fun. They live on a different planet to me anyway.
I really do feel for you with this one and I agree with all the other comments. All my friends disappeared over the years, not all because of my health, but Ive moved around all my married life of nearly 40 years and so lost touch with a lot of people. I took used to be more outgoing and enjoyed certain people's company before all this started. I'm 66 now and making new friends is so difficult because it always involves socialising and drinking which I don't take any part in either. I worry prior to any event and the stress makes me ill so I don't bother. I keep in touch with a few of my old friends but never see them. They ask me to go and stay with them as they live at distance but I have no choice but to refuse as I couldn't possibly stay with anyone now, not even my sister who I am close to. The toilet business would get in the way of the visit and it's embarrassing having to use the toilet constantly in someone else's house. A visit for the day is just about doable but only just. Life changes dramatically when you have these issues and I personally am better in myself if I stay in my own world and I've got used to it.
My husband doesn't really understand how I feel, but he never goes out and doesn't know many people either so we just get on in our own way and do our own thing. He's not the type for surprising me with anything so I don't have that to worry about 😏
I don't have a solution for you, but I think eventually, youll have no choice but to live your life to suit you and your health, for your own sanity, and just let your husband do what he wants. You won't be able to be like he wants you to be because your health won't allow it.
This thing never goes away and we all have no choice but to adapt our lives and live with it.
Hi, I fully understand where you are coming from. Sending you hugs.Pollyboo.
winfong previously posted a really useful article that should be mandatory reading for anyone who knows someone with IBS to educate them about the condition. Perhaps your husband could read this to really understand what you are going through:
huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/...
Another thought, is whether it is possible to move nearer to your sons, so that you can pop over on short trips? Though perhaps the disruption of moving and looking at places may be too much. Just a thought.
Sorry your husband don’t support you, I am very lucky that my wife used to be a nurse and now teaches nurses and she understand you can’t see all illnesses or ailments. My daughter just say take some Imodium put a nappy in your pants and enjoy life. My ibs also stopped me having friends, but I look at it like this, if they were friends in first place they would still be friends even if I could not join them when they were going out. I have to agree that a lot of males think ibs is nothing more than a little trapped wind. I am a 60 year old male who had to stop work in 2016 due to health issues and my employer not helping or giving any support even tho I had worked with him and was the manager of his firm for 37 years, he would just say come on get a grip. Males can be very selfish I am sorry to say.
I know the feeling I've had alot of friends now they've all disappeared iam feeling so depressed with my ibs c pain all the time I've had a breakdown 3 week ago which isn't me iam justed lifted on my own feeling so sad frightened and scared of what's happening to me if you need to talk iam here for you
I feel so sorry for you - please tell your husband that he's being a completely unsympathetic idiot and he deserves a smack and I'm more than happy to smack him for you.
I've had family and friends who have told me similar things, to the point that I have walked away from a 30 year friendship as she told me "oh you're just making a fuss, there's nothing wrong with you". Unfortunately as IBS is an "invisible" illness this is what we put up with all the time. Has your husband actually seen what you go through in a flare up? Because until an aunt saw what I went through in a flare up, she used to dismiss my IBS.
I'm very lucky that my fiancé (he's a nurse), does understand even with the impact that this has on our lives. Maybe getting a doctor to explain to your husband exactly how debilitating IBS actually is would help - and perhaps explaining to your family would help also.
Stress does make IBS worse, and the best thing that I did was to have hypnotherapy - I saw a psychotherapist who was also a hypnotherapist but there are good online apps as well.
And please don't feel that you're alone, there are plenty of us who know exactly what you're going through and I for one am happy to listen. I hope you feel better soon.
I understand . I am the same way . No friends . I go out with my mom here and there.
So sorry to hear of your issues and loss. I am surprised to see so many people have replied with similar stories. And like everyone who has answered I often have the same problems.
Nice that we are not alone in our symptoms, that not just 'me' as I were.
Stay strong knowing we are not alone and there are others that DO understand xxx
I've been in a flare up and had to cancel several planned outings so I know what you mean. I'm divorced, kids grown, parents gone. I don't even feel well enough to get a pet! 
I've been dealing with this for 3 decades and I'm learning to let go of expectations. Dealing with procedures and prescriptions from the medical community got me nowhere and perhaps more stressed out. I am embracing the staycation and have been more vocal to the friends that I do have (which is much fewer than before) that if I don't feel up to it, I won't go. People become more tolerant and compassionate as we age. I assess how I feel in the morning and decide what I can do. If I feel good, I'm out and about. If not, I stick to home and don't feel guilty anymore. All this to say, I hear you and I'm sorry you are going through this. Sometimes, it's nice to just stay at home and read a book.
I feel for you. IBS can be a lonely place to be. As other say, I don't think most people have any idea what we go through. Even when I pluck up courage to try to explain to someone they seem to think a couple of pills or a good diet and all will be well. Same as others on here, friends drifted away as I can't join in with things. Can't be far from a loo. Years now. The dreaded Christmas food time coming along soon too. My ex husband was like your husband. Sounds as though he isn't listening to you or doesn't want to hear. My second husband has been good so I know I'm lucky. It's all really knocked my confidence. I just long to go out and about freely. I didn't realise so many people suffering until I joined this site.
I am 38 and I have found like-minded people only in this web space. I have osteopenia no one knew the reason and one day a doctor suggested me to pass a few blood tests and a huge bouquet was found:lactose intolerance, gluten intolerance, lots of other food intolerances which I already ignore although eating a small banana causes so much pain, I would like to console you somehow by saying" oh no my friends all understand me" but unfortunately no, they tend to think that I am always sick when it comes to group meetups or events, I go to cafes with my own food and take just a cup of coffee and that's it, can't enjoy anything anymore.. all my life I have had GERD problems and now IBS and food intolerances, I am taking 5-6 medicines/day to relive my symptoms which have been severe over a year now, and mu husband wants me to have a second child with this physical and mental health. I dread to think of my future with osteoporosis and IBS, and to tell the truth sometimes I want to die, there is no cure no medicine and ppl think that I am always complaining of my stomach and abdominal pain to escape them. But there is a huge benefit from all of this shit, that I learnt that real friends would never behave like that and maybe being alone is better than having only fun-time friends. Another thing that I make me do although it is still very difficult is to try to pretend that I don't feel pain at least with a hope "fake it until you make it" but I guess it's a bullshit when you have IBS and other health issues.
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