Like most IBS sufferers I like to know there is a loo nearby incase I need it. This means I totally avoid some situations but I am also getting increasingly bothered about situations where although I know there is a loo I don`t want to have to ask to use it! This includes being at friend`s houses - and even in my own home if there are people I don`t know well present! Apointments with people like solicitors etc are very stressful.
I don`t know why this bothers me so much - I`m 62 for goodness sake and I know people won`t think badly of me. I tell myself it wouldn`t be the end of the world if I had to ask to use the loo - and I do wear pads for extra security - but I just hate it. I don`t recall my parents being particularly uptight about toilet related things - perhaps I just don`t want to feel I am "making a fuss". I think there is also the assumption from some people that if you do need the loo you might have a bug that is contagious - which makes me feel awkward.
I really need to get over this. Yesterday I had an appointment with a chiropodist and spent ages in the loo before I left home trying to "make sure" I wouldn`t need to go when I was there. Perhaps I should add that most of the time I don`t even have diarrhoea type IBS - but constipation and incomplete evacuation make me feel like I could need the loo at any moment!
Any tips please! I need a good talking to!
Written by
janke
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Have you been tested for Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency (EPI). I was diagnosed with this three years ago after years of chronic diarrhoea and fluctuating constipation. Your symptoms are close to those that I have experience. A special stool test is needed to see if you are deficient in enzymes and then medication is given, that may help.
This is the problem I have,I avoid so many situations, even visiting family is stressful.
This morning I am supposed to be going shopping with my husband ,if I was going on my own I would be fine, but I have already visited the bathroom at least eight times.
I plan for every eventuality when leaving the house, change of clothes in the car etc,it is just the fear that holds me back and I have missed so many events by just opting out.
I keep saying I will try CBT but so far haven’t made the effort to get that sorted,hypnotherapy didn’t work for me so I am open to suggestions.
I know it’s easier said than done, but try avoid ‘not’ doing things ‘in case’. I did this for years and now I have no friends as I always made excuses not to go out etc.
I am a bit younger than you and I am now working (something I never thought I’d manage). It is an easy job way below my academic ability/ qualifications, but I go everyday and it has helped. I also attend Adult Education. If I really need to go, I say I need to make a phone call!!
For me it’s a cycle the more anxious I am the less I go out, the worse the IBS, the less I go out.... Don’t become too isolated it really won’t help.
I have changed my diet which has really helped and attend two courses of CBT.
I know about feeling awkward, I have a ‘thing ‘ about not using public toilets etc.
I also thought that eating out would make me sick... gradually these things have improved.
Help is an important first step. I am certainly not cured, but dealing with it better.
I do recommend seeing a psychologist to help or a counsellor have you tried ringing the ibs network they have a helpline and may give you contacts who can help you.
Many people have this problem. Gut directed hypnotherapy or CBT cognitive behavioural therapy is worth a try.
See what the ibs network says about help in your area. Or just look online. There is much more help out there now and the problem is more common than you may think. You are not alone.
Thanks. I have tried hypnotherapy - hoping it might improve my IBS and this issue but it made no difference. The therapist was also qualified in CBT so we worked on that too, but again it didn't help. I feel that I know how to get better but can't put it into practice.
I won't contact the IBS Network - I emailed their resident "expert" a few years ago and was told constipation is usually a psychological issue!
I think tips from other sufferers would be more helpful
In terms of the embarrassment factor, I usually explain things in text message or email which I find really helpful as I don't have to do it face to face. Especially when it comes to toilet facilities which of course I find embarrassing myself
I might say something like "I just want to make you aware that I have a gastro intestinal medical condition and as a result, may need to get up & leave with little notice" or something like that.
I find people are usually very understanding, or just don't care.
Thanks, that's helpful. I do use imodium occasionally but it bungs me up completely for days afterwards!
I think I'm from the generation who were brought up "not to make a fuss" so I'd really rather no-one knew I was having problems but I think I've got to get over that.!
I think the attitude of "not making a fuss" is extremely common within people with IBS. I know it is for me.
The reality is, we have a medical condition where adjustments have to be made. It's not up to us. We have the condition and have every right to make adjustments which are going to be beneficial to our health & well-being.
I've been attending CBT for about 4-5 months now & it's really helping with this kind of stuff, for me at least anyway.
I am exactly the same as you, every day is a challenge, just getting to the shops, especially ones like Aldi that don't have customer toilets can be a nightmare. Yes I know I could probably use the staff ones but don't want to ask, don't want the fuss, dislike public toilets anyway. . I have to make myself go out & do normal things otherwise ibs could make me completely isolated. I get up at least two hours before I have to leave the house just to make sure I'm ok. I keep to a gluten & dairy free diet & avoid eating many fruit & veg. which helps but I know anxiety is the main problem. I've tried hypnotherapy, practice yoga & deep breathing, take Rescue Remedy, Kalms & now trying cbd oil, I'm sure they all help a bit but the overall problem remains, I frequently give myself a good talking to! My problems started after a bout of food poisoning when I didn't get to the toilet in time & that trauma has remained unfortunately, I take codeine & loperamide on a daily basis just to make sure I don't have an accident but then too many has a constipating effect. It is reassuring to know that there are other people the same but there's no simple remedy.
Hello Janke, I know just how you feel. CBT and hypnotherapy didn't work for me either and I have struggled for years avoiding going out. I haven't really anything much in the way of suggestions. Planning seems to be the best thing for me, ascertain where the toilets are, pads in bag and car, change of clothing in car, wet wipes handy. If I'm going to someone's house or somewhere where I feel really awkward about using the loo I take one Imodium an hour before going out, although then sometimes have to deal with resulting constipation. I am near your age and I do give myself a talking too regularly. Order myself to move on after each bout. I do quite a bit of performing sometimes in places such as churches without a loo. Still too embarrassed to tell people. I tend to email places to check out loo facilities. I have lost many activities and friends over the years due to IBS, so every day is a work in progress towards trying to achieve as full a life as possible. Hopefully some tips for you on this site. Katerina1
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