Marshmallow

[AnnaP668]

We saw a really sweet movie on Netflix the other night entitled "The Healer". In it was a young girl with cancer. Her oncologist told her that cancer was such a negative word for many people that he was going to say marshmallow instead with her. I think that's a great idea. I think I will start using that word!

[Hidden]

AnnaP668! That is such a nice idea, I love it!

Fluffy and sweet! I'm trying to think of how to use it in a sentence...How about "Let's roast those (...freaking!!!...) marshmallows!!!"

I do, in moments of weirder-than-even-normal thinking, try to define my relationship with the cancer that lives in me. A "warrior" mindset is sort of the default -- kill it!!! -- but maybe a softer stance, thinking of it like a parasite/barnacle on a whale, where I'm better off accepting it (lose the anger) and just try to keep it from taking over...

[Andersl]

I've got little bits of marshmallow in my body.

What ingenious advice you were given

[PJBinMI]

I love that. I do think the language we use has an impact of how we feel about all this. All the war/battle/fight language implies there is something wrong/loss/bad when a treatment no longer works and I like to look at it differently than that. I've tried using neutral language, like living with cancer than the warrior stuff and that has helped me feel more in control. We have no direct control over the cancer cells and if we obsess about that, we'll just make any anxiety we have worse! We do have control over alot though--keeping onc appts, taking our meds, reporting new symptoms/side effects, doing things we enjoy doing, spending time with people we love, etc.

[AnnaP668]

Love the comments. I, too, don't like the war and battle terms. Know what happens to marshmallows when we apply a little heat (doctors, meds, surgery, etc)? They get soft and squishy and toasty, lose their integrity and get gobbled up! Let's get those marshmallows, ladies!

[Hidden]

Hi Anna,

I can see the wisdom in using the word marshmallow in describing this disease. I'd like to roast those marshmallows and eat every single one of them! A lot of the language surrounding cancer is hard going and sounds exhausting: "battle", "fight", "lost his/her battle with cancer" and so on. How is that helpful? I also find it hard when I see someone posting that they are a "survivor" of breast cancer, as if those who have died or those of us living with long term metastatic disease are somehow "losers". I have resisted saying I am "fighting" cancer, as that has always made me feel that I would have to be in constant battle formation each and every day. I don't want that. There is also an unspoken assumption that we have to always be strong for everyone else around us. I would rather view myself as someone who is living with cancer. I'm not planning to die from it.

Sophie

[AnnaP668 in reply to Hidden]

I totally agree about the fighting words. Cheers to living a very long life with marshmallows all toasted away! It's just Ann BTW. A is for my family name Armstrong.

[Hidden in reply to AnnaP668]

Thanks, Ann. I will try to remember your name is Ann, not Anna.

Sophie

[AnnaP668 in reply to Hidden]

No problem! Some people even call me Annie. Just don't call me late for supper, as they say!

[Hidden in reply to AnnaP668]

I understand! I'm Sophie, also known as Soph to my closest friends and family. But don't call me Sonia!

Sophie

[AnnaP668 in reply to Hidden]

Got it!!!

[Timtam56 in reply to AnnaP668]

My dad used to say that! 🌝

[AnnaP668 in reply to Timtam56]

So cool! That would be a "hello" from Dad.

[mariootsi in reply to Hidden]

I agree!

[rubyc1234 in reply to Hidden]

I figure we are as much survivors as the other women. Their status can change at any time. I figured I was cured and all of a sudden, I was stage 4.

[Hidden in reply to rubyc1234]

Yes, you're right Ruby. I certainly don't view myself as any less of a survivor than early stage breast cancer patients. It's just that it can seem like a slap in the face when others finish treatment and we are left to carry on.

Sophie

[rubyc1234 in reply to Hidden]

I totally agree. It sucks!

[mariootsi]

Great idea!

[fchrist]

Ann, I love that idea. It reminds me of an episode from "Limitless" where the character refuses to give serial killers cool ids but names them after ice cream flavors - Pink Bubble Gum and Sprinkles with Cream. Totally made the episode less dark and even funny. Words affect us!

[AnnaP668 in reply to fchrist]

Absolutely, they do. Especially when we feel a little vulnerable already!

[Maludagui]

Houston we have a problem 😳 I like marshmallows 😘

[AnnaP668 in reply to Maludagui]

That's totally ok. Just think of toasting them and gobbling them down to be disintegrated by your stomach acid. 😄

[viennagirl]

Thank you Anna for that positive post. I know cancer has such negative connotations that it is hard to say the word. But I do believe we all have a chance to heal. I am optimistic because of my link with all you wonderful ladies many of whom are doing quite well. I am also aware that some of the ladies are really struggling and I pray for them. They also have a chance to heal. I don't want to think that anyone of us would eve give up. I also do quite a bit of research on mbc as well. I always seem to be on line reading. Right now I am fasting from 3:00 pm until about 10:30 the next day. It gives me a lot of energy. Hugs Marlene

[AnnaP668 in reply to viennagirl]

M B M. 😄