Need to moan: Morning ladies It’s a... - SHARE Metastatic ...

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Need to moan

Barbteeth
Barbteeth

Morning ladies

It’s a week since my gall bladder operation and I feel very very low in spirits

My bone pain was hideous yesterday and I’ve been housebound since the operation so haven’t been able to exercise...anyway I took 20 mg of Zomorph last night and 20 mg this morning...I then experienced awful vertigo which scared me....I’ve had a crying episode...not hungry and just wondered if the after effects of the op might be causing the increased bone pain and misery

If this is the start of the rest of my life...I want none of it...I’m not usually so desperate very out of character

Sorry to be a misery...nobody to share this with

Barb xx

122 Replies
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Oh Barb, youve every right to feel down. Being isolated is miserable. I cant comment on the pain but i do think you should be kind to yourself. Its early days.

Perhaps a chair in the sunniest spot so you can see the spring flowers come out and glimpses of the sun. Post on here whenever you feel like it. Theres always someone around xx

Oh, so sorry to hear you are feeling so low and dealing with so much pain. I am sure it will get better. I felt so miserable after my gall bladder sugery as well, for about two weeks and then it got better.

You are not a misery. Vent all you want.

Cheers, June S.

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to 8576

Thanks June

I’m feeling sorry for myself and feel I’m losing the battle...yest two weeks ago I’d been swimming and did yoga and went out a few times

Also a dear friend of mine just died

Barb xx

8576
8576
in reply to Barbteeth

Condolences on losing your friend. That is difficult to process for sure. I have lost a few good ones too. Leaves such a void. Hope you can find something soon to lift your spirits.

Cheers, June S.

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to 8576

June...my friend who died had just finished radiotherapy on her other breast (had cancer before) then she suddenly died in her garden picking some herbs....finding this difficult to get my head round

Barb xx

8576
8576
in reply to Barbteeth

Oh my, it is the ones that are taken from us quickly that are difficult. Of course you know we are all thinking about you. Wishing you small comforts that will get you through to spring and summer. Memories are good. At least for me.

All the best, June S.

Life is so fragile.. I’m sorry you lost your friend so suddenly. Makes me wonder how I should rearrange my time with MBC...

mariootsi
mariootsi
in reply to Barbteeth

Oh Barb so sorry to hear about your friend. That is so hard with everything else you are going through.

Be kind to yourself and give everthing time.

Barb5
Barb5
in reply to Barbteeth

Hang in there Barb you have been through a lot and feeling down is perfectly normal. This too shall pass we don’t have to be strong all the time. I think we all have our low times and rightfully so. You got this.

Barb - I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s no wonder your head is spinning. Can you ask one of your daughters to sit with you for a while to offer some emotional comfort? We are here for you.

My daughters keep in touch all the time but vanessa is a teacher so is busy...she’s riding Bugsy for me while I’m out of action and Miranda is on her honeymoon in Thailand so she can’t do a lot only message me

I hate spoiling everything for my family with this disease

Barb xx

NShaft
NShaft
in reply to Barbteeth

It is often a powerless feeling to watch someone you love going through a difficult time. Your daughters and friends may be feeling this way about you. Let them help you with a visit, a meal, or phone call. It is the worst asking for help but it might help you both. So sorry about the loss of your friend. No wonder you are feeling so low.

You are not “spoiling everything” for your family. When my mother was ill, I was glad to find ways to help. I would play scrabble with her and my father, have a cup of tea, and just visit. Now that I’m on the other side, I know how you feel. But I also remember how good it was to spend time with my mother and how it was good to lift her spirits. Let them show their support. Same for your good friends.

Good morning Barb, I hate you’re not feeling well. Surgeries are tough. Haven’t had my gallbladder removed , but after my pleuradesis I felt horrible for weeks. Take it easy. I’ll be sending up some prayers for you. Like someone else said enjoy the sunshine and think positive.

Come on barb you can do this. The cloud will pass give yourself time only been a week . I love your kick ass opinions and love reading your post you keep me going coz I'm 2 shy 2 post things myself . Sending a big hug and here for you anytime

Love mandy xx

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Nannymop

How sweet of you Mandy

I think the vertigo was just the last straw...I was thinking of having a little drive out but darent now in case I feel dizzy

Ugggggh!!!!

Barb xx

Sorry to hear this Barb you seem to have had a lot to deal with recently. I so wish your partner was more supportive, I find that helps a lot. Sending you hugs xx

Actually he was nice to me today as I was crying and fell down in the kitchen so I think he realised how awful I felt

It’s my own fault in a way for acting like there’s nothing wrong

Barb xx

Dearest Barb. Surgery is big at any time. But it must be bigger for us mbc girls.

Our bodies are already fighting harder.

Take your time and try to remember it's early days. We here can't fix you pain, your lack of support, the loss of your friend. But we are here for you to "moan" to.

Moan away girl. We will be here. And you WILL get strong again.

Sometimes when I'm sick or depressed I can't see the silver lining around my cloud. But I always say to myself afterwards, "See? You're okay."

I'm hoping this will happen for you. But don't stay quiet about your fears with us.

Chris

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Timtam56

Thank you

Means a lot

Barb xx

Hidden
Hidden

Well, I Know about being alone and housebound and it almost drove me insane. First, you just had an operation. You still need to give your body time to mend from the shock of that. A week is not longer enough. A bit more time for it to heal.

I am sure feeling ill and your body recovering makes you (or any of us depressed). I would just cry in bed all day sometimes.

You will be up and riding your horse again. But I think because of our cancer condition, any type of surgery is going to take us a bit longer than the average healthy person. So listen to your body. It is the best indicator of whether you should relax and take it easy.

This is NOT going to be your permanent story. This is just another blip in your life. If you ca deal with stage iv, you can deal with this. Sometimes a good cry is good for the soul.

There are many things you can do while relaxing at home. Make a list of things you are going to do once you feel better. Get that book (NOT ON CANCER) that you have wanted to read for a while or see what new books are on the New York Times best seller list OR like me, reread one of your favorite books.

I think when I was younger, I must have read Little Women like 500 times, no kidding. My cousin used to scream at me "Don't tell me you are reading that again." LOL...I so wanted to be in the house with Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy. I wanted to be one of them.

My second favorite book is The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck. Right now, with this virus thing, it may be a blessing to stay inside for a while and let your body build up its strength. We don't bounce back as quickly as we did when younger or in better health.

I think this is a temporary sort of "depression" by the operation and your wanting to rush back to the way you were. You will get there but your have to let your body do its thing on its own time. God, I cried more when I was stuck at home, than I think my entire life.

We are rooting for you and I expect in a week or two,you will be back to your old self and riding your horse and stating that you past this depression.

Hugs......Even not having cancer, our bodies take a bit longer to recover. I was miserable like you after my operation and the pain was unbearable and I cried and cried until I literally had no tears left. but then one day it was finally over. "This too shall pass."

Hugs......

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Hidden

You are so lovely to send me those kind words

I feel I’m a bit like you in some ways from reading your posts

I’m actually sitting in my ‘library’ surrounded by my books...sounds posh but it’s one of my girls bedrooms where my books are now since she left home...I have a nice bed settee in there and some lovely orchids so it’s cosy and ‘my space’

I hate getting rid of books and even have some old hardbacks from my childhood...my girls read them too when they were young

I often reread my favourites over again...they’re like old friends...I do love little women and as it’s the anniversary of the book I bought Vanessa a copy...she’s seen the new film but not read the book

You can always lose yourself in a book....I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t read

I realise now that you and the other girls on here are correct...that it’s probably the combination of having the surgery..the anaesthetic and feeling sorry for myself

I’m missing my horse and my pals at the stables and although it’s only a week since the op...I’ve managed to visualise that this is the slippery slope which it might be (but not that quickly )

Barb xx

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Barbteeth

I could never throw out books either. My friend wanted to get me a kindle one year for my birthday and I said NO. I don't know why but I like holding a book in my hand, and turning the pages. I just like books. I had seriously hundred of books and then when I was trying to minimize what I had, I kept my favorite book and then with my wagon (pre Cancer) walked to the library thinking they would love to take them, they said no, we do not take donate books. I could not believe it.

So then I called a nursing home that is not too far from my house and they said they would take them but I had to bring them there so I hired car service and held onto like four books. (My little women book is all ripped and torn) but its the same book I have had since I was 12) and I can't bring myself to throw it out, even though a former coworker years ago bought me a new copy. I love my old one.

I also dated loads of VHS tapes which the library did take those. I still have one of them. Song of Bernadette. The story with Jennifer Jones and the miracles at Lourdes where Catholics go to this day in hopes of being healed. OMG...the movie is in black and white and the first time I seen it I could not move from my TV so I have it in VHS but of course no recorder.

I wish I Had a backyard or a little garden. But nope, I have a super-sized studio, but it is still a studio so I could sit outside on the benches.

We have in the back a brand new underground pool (it was hell last year with all the drilling) but I have not went in the back in years. Plus near the pool area we have a small gated area (like a small park) where some benches and tables so people can eat, smoke or drink) bc they do not allow eating, smoking or any glass near the pool area. But even in this building, they are little cliques of wealthy retired ladies (including my landlord who lives on another floor). I have not used that pool in years. Now, I can't and refuse to put on a bathing suit.

But that does not open until Memorial Weekend and then it is open from 11 am to 7 pm and on Thursdays until 8 pm and on weekends also.

But two blocks from my apt. we have "Friends Field". There is a playground for the Kids (that the Jewish people use), there is a large walking and play area for the dogs, there are tennis courts, and then there are volleyball areas (and that is all take by the Mexicans) during the summer their wives and kids set up little barbecues and they have their coolers with beers and the cooking smells delicious. There is also a super large football field where other high schools comes to play their football and baseball games and benches to be able to sit and watch (I do NONE of these LOL).

But it's odd seeing how different nationalities each have their own portion of this large field...Its humongous.

I wish I could have a dog but they do not allow pets and quite frankly, I have enough trouble taking care of myself.

Tomorrow I will walk to library. My books are overdue (I called twice to renew online because I was unable to walk...now with the percocets I can walk there) so time to renew them.

I tend to like to read biographies. I do not like romance novels (maybe can I have no romance in my life LOL). I do like Mitch Albom books bit the library near me is small so they only had one.

You can rent DVDs..but they have to be returned within a week.

It was nice to get out the other day. Now with the percocets (I get 90 10 mg. to take 3 per day). OMG...it felt so good to walk and I took the bus and then went food shopping, then came home and did three loads of laundry and then cleaned a bit and then the perc started wearing off and Oh Boy, did I feel pain so popped another one. I think I was so overexcited that I ovedid it although the breathing is still a bit hard.

So now we get the nice weather coming (at least here in US where we had to turn the clocks ahead so now we have an extra hour of lightness which makes me happy so pretty excited. I realize the percocets are only masking the pain but I don't care. Just happy that I can do my own shopping and walk without crying. The breathing is still hard but I just walk a bit slower.

As usual, I overwrite. This is what happens when you talk to no one. My friends work so I cant bother them so I write long emails LOL.......

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Hidden

As well as tons of books I have a big collection of DVDs....I love old movies especially film noir types or murders like Hitchcock...made me smile about the song of Bernadette....Jenifer Jones was the scarlet woman at that time as she was having an affair with David Seltznick but was holier than thou in the movie....not seen that for years

The vertoseems yo have abated thank goodness so I’m a bit happier due to that

Barb xx

Pbsoup
Pbsoup
in reply to Hidden

You are such an amazing writer! Reading that made me miss New York. Xo

Becca65
Becca65
in reply to Barbteeth

I love little women !!! My copy of little woman was my moms before me and it actually has book worm holes in it. I have reread it many times and watch the movies whenever I see them on. I used to be a huge reader but I find these days I go through periods where I read a lot and where I don’t read at all. I still love my books though. Books, horses, gardening, sunbathing, shopping and several different forms of crafting. The things I love doing.

Timtam56
Timtam56
in reply to Hidden

OMG!The Good Earth. What a book that is. You have good taste aamkearns.

Dear Barb so sad to hear you are feeling so down and out. Pain makes us feel so out of control, as if we can’t stand another second. Damn pain makes us forget what a warrior we are and all the seconds before that we did beat it. It’s okay to scream. We are survivors and even if it’s only baby steps we move forward. Make a scream list and then rip it apart. Look for one sign that your body is better even if it’s only drinking a teaspoon more tea a day. Make a scream for joy list. Write down any good feeling. Hold yourself like a little child and comfort your frighten self until moment passes. Write often. Listeners of the heart are always here. God bless.

Such lovely wise words...thank you

I’ll give myself more time and stop getting frustrated about the lack of progress

I want to be supergirl but I’m most definitely not

Barb xx

Yes you are. You ARE A SUPERGIRL WARRIOR. Be good❤️

sending hugs and read all the wonderful comments! we are so blessed to have found this support group! not much I can say as it's all been said, but I find comfort in knowing that on my worst days I can come in here and have a moan and there's absolutely ZERO judgement! I have read that surgery, especially the anesthesia, takes a lot out of us older sisters; I'll bet that's what is happening. I kid you not, since I started that melatonin every night, it has helped tremendously with my brain power and feelings of contentment returned. I've been laughing out loud quite a bit; maybe I'm going doolally but I don't care. Here's to the pain going away in Jesus name, amen. Don't forget about aspirin therapy; 2 325 mg. every 4 hours, it worked for my mama and was prescribed by an orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Cox of Texas City, TX. I am still not on ANY pain pills. When I do hurt and take one, it makes me cry all the next day! I'm also taking 1/3 tspn. of baking soda with a glass of water every day. They say it helps the joints with arthritic pain and I must say, when I forget to take it for a few days I can feel the difference. I love ya and hope to hear you feel better real soon! xo Oh, my good news is after my hubby's scare on 3/2/20 with a-fib; he QUIT drinking! so something good came out of something bad as he is like a new man. I had no idea what the alcohol was doing to him, until he quit and I could see the huge difference in his demeanor. ty Jesus! <3

Hi there lovely lady

I’m going to try the aspirin at a higher dose...I only took a mini one before and stopped before surgery...it’s a very underestimated drug

I’ve not taken baking soda but will give it a go...it’s not pleasant tasting but I’m not fussed about that ...I hate taking opioids but was desperate last night and in a horrible mood now I regret the morphine....I’m ok with codeine though

Good news re hubby...a new man..lol

All the best

Barb xx

That is so sweet of you to say! I only put some baking soda on the tip of the teaspoon that I guesstimate to be about 1/4 tsp ... and mix it with a glass of water and can't even taste it, and it adds to my water intake for the day :). Yes, aspirin is a miracle drug and it works. I can't stress enough that a great ortho doctor told my mama about this ... feel better soon! maybe take the aspirin with some food if you are susceptible to tummy issues. This too shall pass ... I can't imagine you not being on here ... I get so much inspiration from you and love hearing about your horses! Funny thing, hope you think so too, when I first saw your "handle" being from Texas I automatically thought of barb-wired teeth HA HA ... it was only later that I realized you were Barb who fixed teeth! Hope I gave you a chuckle! Stay safe and be healed in Jesus name, amen! <3 xo

Haha

Some of my nurses used to call me Barbedwire when I was having a moan at them...not in a nasty way though!!

Barb xx

lol

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Barbteeth

Do they ever prescribe you percocets? Or vicodin. How do you take morphine? I was only given that once after that surgery last year when I woke up screaming in pain. The nurse asked me if I wanted morphine but I felt like I was in a fog. I just kept saying stop the pain. I am not even sure how it was given to me. I figured through some type of IVC.

Does morphine come in liquid form or in pill form? I was so so worried that the pain specialist was going to cut me off from the percocets. She is going to be at a conference when I am due for my renewal 3/18 (or so I thought) but she will be at a seminar so she seen me last week (I think in US they have to physically see you) so she wrote me another rx for 90 percocet (10 mgs...strong stuff) and another rx for 3 mg. of gabapentin. I said believe me my pharmacy will call you. She said that is fine but since she will be out of state (although I believe with all that is going on, it will be cancelled) and the pharmacy told me they have her script and I can actually pick it up on 3/17 since there was an extra day in February this year.

I try to use a little less than 3 per day and if I am not going anywhere, I try to only take 1/2 bc I do not want my body to get used to it so that it will stop working so I got myself so stressed over nothing.

Just curious how they give you morphine via a pill or liquid?)

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Hidden

I have Zomorph 10 mg slow release capsules...taken every 12 hours

I also have Shortec 5mg capsules for breakthrough pain....these are like Percocet but without paracetamol...just oxycodone...when I was in hospital I was given 10 mg every 2 hours if I wanted and they did help

I think I’ll take paracetamol and aspirin/ibuprofen and top up with shortec and keep it simple...morphine forget it...hideous stuff

Barb xx

5. Taking aspirin with other painkillers

It's safe to take aspirin with paracetamol or codeine.

But do not take aspirin with ibuprofen or naproxen without talking to a doctor. Aspirin, ibuprofen and naproxen belong to the same group of medicines called non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs). If you take them together, aspirin plus ibuprofen or naproxen may increase the chance of you getting side effects like stomach ache.

Speak to a pharmacist if you're unsure about dosages and timings when taking aspirin with other painkillers.

Just for your info ... <3 xo

Dear Barb....You never moan, you just state it like it is and I totally respect that. I think at the moment this is a combination of several things. Surgery (most specifically the GA associated with it) is very hard on bodies and I think your increased level of pain is more likely due to the fact that you haven't been able to exercise as before...being on these AI's and with bone mets in general I think most of us get stiffer and more sore when we sit still for any amount of time. Since you haven't been eating well and I know from your posts you are a very slight small woman to begin with I'm sure that's why the vertigo episode with your narcotic. Crying well that is normal when you feel crappy, in pain, defeated and frustrated with everything in general. The crying episode there's nothing wrong with that and it can be very therapeutic for the soul. You can share with us anytime my friend, that's what we are here for and I have visions of many happy days in the near future for you, riding bugsy, sitting outside reading a book and maybe some shopping mixed in. Be kind to yourself. You are worth it.

Sandra

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to girlsptz

Sandra

You’re always see the full picture and your knowledge of health is so useful...I forget how the effects of a GA can take a while to disappear...in my job I only used GA on kids in a clinic in Sheffield once when I was a student...nitrous oxide back then...I just remember the room we had the clinic in...hot day...windows closed..’Gas’wafting round the whole morning...we were all anaesthetised!!!

Im feeling so much better having read all the replies from the girls on here...so wise and you all understand

I’m planning a jacket potato with tuna and sweet corn for dinner...I actually fancy some food which is a good sign...forgetting how much food is essential to recovery....never apply it to myself!!

Barb xx

girlsptz
girlsptz
in reply to Barbteeth

LOL I don't know if you were all anesthetized but I'm sure using large amounts of nitrous oxide you all laughed a lot. Seriously though people underestimate how long it takes for the effects of GA to get out of your system. I'm glad you are feeling a wee bit better and have planned a great sounding lunch. Enjoy and take it one day at a time. Better days are closer than you think. Take care.

Sandra

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to girlsptz

Sandra I do hope you’re right

Thank you for being such a help to me

Barb xx

Hi Barb,

I’ve read what everybody has said and I don’t have anything else to offer. Just wanted you know I’m thinking of you also. I’m so sorry about your friend. I’ve always heard “when it rains, it pours”. Hope you will be better in mind, body, and spirit really soon.

❤️

Stacy

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Staysha

Thanks Staysha

It does seem that way..I think my friend had a heart attack but not definite yet...just saddens me to think she suffered all the radiotherapy when it turns out she didn’t need to

Her name was Barbara and she had a horse as well !!

Barb xx

Hi Barb,

You are not moaning. You are going through a difficult time right now with the pain you are experiencing and also learning of your dear friend's death. I'm so sorry to hear that. Can you call one of your oncology nurses to see if you can get a prescription for a different painkiller if the one you are taking isn't working?

Please get some rest. I hope you heal from your surgery do you can resume your exercise and normal routine. And feel free to email me anytime.

Take care,

Sophie 💓

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to SophSP

Thanks Sophie...you’re always so sweet to me

I’m feeling brighter after reading the lovely posts from you ladies and I’ll not take that morphine again...it’s not that brilliant anyway so I’ll take oxycodone if I need it...it doesn’t make me weird either

Barb xx

SophSP
SophSP
in reply to Barbteeth

You're welcome, Barb. Do you have any codeine that you can take? Does it work for you? If you can get the pain under control then you should hopefully start to feel better soon. Please keep us posted on how you are feeling.

Sophie 💓

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to SophSP

Hi Sophie

Yes I have codeine...I usually take cocodamol regularly with ocycodone for breakthrough pain so I’m used to those

Barb xx

SophSP
SophSP
in reply to Barbteeth

Hi Barb,

I'm glad you have enough painkillers that can help shift the pain. Please don't suffer, but take what you need to help you deal with the pain and recover.

Sophie x

Sorry about the loss of your friend , on top of trying to recover from an op , while on meds for mets . It’s not surprising you broke down , and it’s ok !

Do take it slowly for a few days ...the weathers rubbish anyway at the moment , but hopefully better by mid week , so plan to get some fresh air mid week. I’m sure you’ll be more up to it by then ... enjoy your books and a good movie for now !

I had an episode similar to ‘vertigo’ a few months ago and luckily it only lasted a few hours ... I turned over in bed and felt very dizzy , climbed out of bed and felt as if I was on the Titanic and then started being sick and had to sit by the loo until I no longer was being sick ...no idea what caused it , but it was quite scary at the time . I went in to see my medical team later that day and by then I was ok , and luckily nothing was found . But I know how frightening it was . Hopefully , you’ll be the same .

Take care , especially in the current climate ...we are all going to get fed up being told to stay at home in the next few weeks , but you will be able to get out in the fresh air and spend time with Bugsy . Much love x

I’ve suffered with dizziness/vertigo on and off for years but it’s the worst feeling ever....I’m blaming the morphine this time as it seems too much of a coincidence

Anyway I guess it will settle at some point...it was just the last straw today

Thank you for your post...so good to know other ladies understand and I’m not on my own

Barb xx

I’ve cheered myself up today by ordering an e-bike ! One of these easy entry Cube hybrid e-bikes ( thanks to recommendations on here ... thanks Sandra !) Been thinking about it for a while , and thought it’s a good time to do it in the current climate ... I dread the thought of being told to stay isolated for the coming months ! I live on the edge of the countryside and tho’ hilly , there are some wonderful farm shops / cafes within e-bike distance ! Can’t wait to get started on my new hobby ...but will have to watch the cakes ! I want to shed a few pounds I have gained over the past 2 years on Letrozole and my lifestyle . You too have your lovely outdoor life to look forward to ...think positive ! x

Sorry to have been an enabler.....but my hubby said I excel in doing that. Anyway my friend if you enjoy your e-bike as much as I do you will be thrilled with the purchase. I can't wait until the winter weather finishes here and I'll be out each and everyday that's for sure.

Sandra

I’m glad you are ! x 😂

SophSP
SophSP
in reply to Teddielottie

Hi Teddie,

Have fun with your e-bike. I like to use my healthrider. I used to enjoy using an outside gym near where I live, but it's been such a miserable winter (as you know!) that I have been working out indoors during the winter. I hope you reach your health goals and manage to lose the weight you have put on.

I am hoping we are not told to isolate ourselves too. I would hate to not go to work and get on with my life. I live in a rural setting too, so love being outdoors in the woods, nature reserves and by the river.

Sophie x

Teddielottie
Teddielottie
in reply to SophSP

Thank you ... I would love your job! ...sadly my two elderly King Charles passed away in the last year ,within 6 months of each other , so I haven’t been out walking much ...hoping the hybrid e- bike gets me out and exercising more , and I love the outdoors and nature . x

SophSP
SophSP
in reply to Teddielottie

Oh no. I am so sorry to hear about the death of your two dogs. That must have been heartbreaking for you. Your e-bike should hopefully get you out more. I love my job, but it's been a bit of a struggle over the winter, as I have either been soaked to the skin, or felt like a walking icicle. So I am looking forward to some milder weather.

Sophie x

Teddielottie
Teddielottie
in reply to SophSP

Thank you , I miss them dearly , they had a good life and we have many happy memories and hundreds of pictures to remember them by .

Yes , I am hoping for some good weather too and that Coronavirus is contained ! ...We have a short break booked in a lodge in the Lake District ( 2 1/2 hours drive away) just before Easter with our daughter x

SophSP
SophSP
in reply to Teddielottie

Have a lovely time in the Lake District. x

BellaE
BellaE
in reply to Teddielottie

Woohoo another ebiker. Congratulations on your purchase.

You won’t look back at all.

I did 15 miles on mine last Monday. It was the first ride since Winter.

Let us know how you get on

Clare xx

Teddielottie
Teddielottie
in reply to BellaE

All now assembled and ready for my first longer ride ! I tested it out yesterday near my home , on the nicest weather day so far this year, ...and I couldn’t believe how easy it was to cycle with some power assistance , even just on ‘tour’ mode ....which is very important where I live ...as there are many hills locally . . Looking forward to cycling to a farm shop cafe several miles away on country roads , and will try the ‘turbo ‘ mode ! Just have to resist the delicious cakes on offer !! Happy cycling to you too Clare ! x 😂🚲

BellaE
BellaE
in reply to Teddielottie

Just you wait until you go up a hill in turbo - it’s the best. We will probably hear you woop for joy.

It is so nice to be able to cycle a distance, it really opens up a new world for you.

Let us know how you get on.

Clare xx

I always have cake!!!!

Teddielottie
Teddielottie
in reply to BellaE

I cycled to the next village this afternoon down hill one way but wow getting up the 1 in 5 hill on the way back was a doddle ... I even find walking up it hard work ! And I didn’t resist the 🍰 ! ... I hadn’t taken my bike lock with me ,so couldn’t stay in the quaint village cafe , but was able to buy a ‘ take - out ‘ lemon and pistachio slice of cake . Loving her 🚲 already ! x

BellaE
BellaE
in reply to Teddielottie

Isn’t it exhilarating?

Cake sounds delicious.

If you take your key you can take the battery off so you don’t need to lock her up. Your screen might come off as well. Mine doesn’t because I have the basic model mountain bike.

She is called Bella. What’s yours called?

Clare xx

Teddielottie
Teddielottie
in reply to BellaE

Princess Leia ! lol 😂

My battery is locked in place . My screen slides off so I can take it with me . Just want to lock the bike to a railing when I leave her outside anywhere .x

BellaE
BellaE
in reply to Teddielottie

It’s a good habit to get into. They are expensive machines after all.

X

BellaE
BellaE
in reply to Teddielottie

That is a brilliant name

Barb I am so sorry to hear this! I am not sure about the bone pain, but know from experience that medication can absolutely make you feel low--and just because the cause is chemical, it doesn't mean the feelings aren't 100% "real" If you feel low, then pain and other symptoms are that much more debilitating.

Given all you have been through, it's not surprising you feel this way. Surgery is exhausting. Pain is exhausting. Cancer is exhausting. I hope you are being very, very patient with yourself. It is perfectly fine to complain and moan!!

What I sometimes find helpful is to remember times I thought things would never get better, then they did. That said, it is fine to let yourself go for a bit. There is so much pressure to be "upbeat" and "positive" but what you're feeling is very valid and real.

Have you ever read any books on meditation, mindfulness or Buddhist thought? I have found that helpful from time to time. Sometimes the pain and the stress turns into a messy swirl, and taking a moment to untangle the chaos and just observe what is happening can be really helpful.

xoP

Barb,

I have no extra wisdom to offer, our lovely ladies have come thru again and showered you with good advice and love. I’ve been going thru a similar episode for months. I get it. I’ll never again underestimate what pain, lack of good nutrition and sleep can do to the psyche as well as the body. Me thinks you might be too impatient and hard on yourself. You’ve just had surgery, it isn’t easy even if you’re Barbwire! My therapist told me my bar for setting boundaries over what I needed when I felt bad was very low. I joke that I’m easy to annoy but hard to kill. Try to accept this down time and read those books, gaze out across your lovely property and do whatever quiet time activities you don’t usually do. Here’s to a better Spring and fabulous Summer for us all 💕

Thanks Nancy

You’ve been through much worse than me and I feel guilty moaning as there’s no comparison to your suffering

I’m going to have a reflexology session tomorrow with this wonderful woman who always gives me good feelings and boosts my energy...that at least will get me out of the house ...feel imprisoned

Barb xx

It’s all relative. My past few months have been a cake walk compared to what others are going thru. No need to measure and compare. Should not feel apologetic for crying or feeling bad or having people attend to you. Let that all go, focus on your healing. Reflexology sounds wonderful. I’m going to schedule a hot stone massage soon. There are times we have to lose it and then focus on healing. Glad you sound more upbeat!

Ooh I like the sound of hot stone massage...never had that

Enjoy

Barb xx

girlsptz
girlsptz
in reply to Barbteeth

Oh Barb they are fabulous. I used to have them all the time but unfortunately because my spine is so sore and fracture prone now this isn't something my oncologist recommends nor would it be pleasurable anymore anyway. I am envious of anyone who can still enjoy this truly pleasurable experience.

Sandra

mariootsi
mariootsi
in reply to Barbteeth

Enjoy your session.

Everyone has really said it all. But I also want you to know I'm thinking of you and wishing you well soon. I'm all for the better Spring and Fabulous Summer for us ALL!!!😉🌈

You should vent your feelings Barb. Having your op was bad enough without all your other health issues. Your body has had a shock and is probably putting all its defences into trying to repair the damage it has recently had. Your bones will hurt. All these pains will subside in time and you will wonder what it was all about. Low spirits are inevitable. Being housebound won’t help as we know you like to ride your horse. Every single day is a step towards your recovery. Rest, relax and deep breathing will help you recoup. Try and have positive thoughts when they bad ones come into your head. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Best wishes

Cheryl

Thank you dear Cheryl

Barb xx

Oh, gosh, Barb....I'm so sorry! I do think our bodies have a limit in what they can endure at once, and it sounds like yours has hit that limit! Is it possible that your bone pain is so bad because your body and the meds are consumed with fighting the surgical pain? In this case, I wouldn't view this as "the start of the rest of your life"...It will get better, but - gosh - it's hard to get to the other side of it!

I have no solid advice to offer, I'm sorry...but please know that I'm thinking of you and earnestly hoping for a good recovery...

Love,

Lynn

The crying may be from the surgery as maybe the vertigo. When I had my hip replacement surgery I was in the hospital for 4 days. I spent one evening crying my eyes out. No reason just started crying and couldn’t stop. I also had some vertigo which they told me was either from my hemoglobin or platelets being low. Apparently I lost a lot of blood during surgery but nobody told me that right away. Give yourself some time. You have had surgery and on top of the cancer that’s a lot for your body and mind to handle. Increase bone pain can be from laying flat on your back during surgery and the surgery itself. Lots of poking and prodding.

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Sarcie

Sarcie

I hope you’re right as the pain is so much worse than last month...as long as I can visualise some improvement in the near future I’ll be happier

Barb xx

Sarcie
Sarcie
in reply to Barbteeth

Take your pain meds more often.

Barb, please moan away. I would moan too with the stuff your dealing with. I will moan some too; I am on Xedola, second round of treatment. This Friday I'll have 7 days off fron the treatment, then off to cycle 3. I am moving from one apartment to another tomorrow and Wednesday. I had a lot of work to get done, simply didn't get it done. Of all the days to have symptoms, it started today with diarrhea and foot/hand symptom. I took anti diarrhea meds so that will help but the foot/hand symptom is a pain. I heard if you put ice on the area it helps.

Anyway you hang in there Barn, this too will pass. Sending a hug to you.

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to SusieIM

It’s awful isn’t it...and diarrhoea on top of it...poor you

Thanks for your post

Barb xx

Hi Barb,

So very sorry about the sudden, unexpected loss of your friend, Barbara.

Ironic isn’t it that it wasn’t the radiation but perhaps a heart attack. I think you said she was in the garden when it happened. How very peaceful.

Having read all the supportive and caring replies, I’ve not a lot to add other than that I’m thinking of you and hoping your pain and post surgery blues (which I experience each time), will soon be over. It’s early days and I think you have many suggestions now to perk you up a bit.

I love the idea of re-reading “The Good Earth”. Pearl Buck is such a good writer!

Sending you all positive thoughts and a big hug. 🌺🌸🌼🌷K

Barb, You have been there for so many of us while we winge away. You have a big bunch of virtual shoulders to cry, whine or take comfort from here. I think anybody who reads my posts has noticed how down I have been for the last month or so, it happens to all of us. It gets hard trying to be our old selves, staying chipper, being super mom, keeping up appearances (like life is normal). I too generally do this. I think all of us have to put on this face, whether intentionally or not, that life is normal. If we don’t I find people don’t want to be around me - they can’t handle it! So we trudge along doing our best to maintain who we were pre stage IV. Trying to make everybody else okay and not affect them adversely. Is part of who we are as people. Dear lady we all have the right to have woe is me moments, to express our angst and fears, to let the mask slide and feel like we need taking care of too. I have no spouse or significant other to lean on and from many things you have said your hubby really lacks in the emotionally supportive role this disease has thrust upon him. I am sorry you don’t have that at home on a daily basis. Believe me I understand how forgotten it can make you feel.

You have gone through so much physically your poor body is taking it’s due and demanding you take it easy for now. It won’t keep you down forever! Your spirit won’t let it. Intense pain is so very draining and when I am feeling it I know I wonder if this is going to be it that time when I get stuck here. Will I ever get back to normal? It is scary and adds to the darkness we feel and although they are a blessing the opiates we use for pain relief can add to the blues.

Know you are not alone, you have friends and fellow sufferers around the world lifting you up with our thoughts and prayers. Even if what we write on here seems disjointed and a bit confused. My ascites has returned and life for me is a bit of a black hole right now and I feel like I am not making much sense. I am right along with you trying to get back to warrior mode but it’s just not happening as quickly as I want it to. Hope you can make sense of my ramblings.

Hugs and prayers

Rebecca

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Becca65

Rebecca what a lovely post

So sorry you’re in the dumps as well...it’s so hard...everything you’ve said resonates with me and just knowing I’m not alone is a comfort

Thank you

Barb xc

SophSP
SophSP
in reply to Becca65

Hi Rebecca,

Like Barb, I can also relate to what you said, especially the bit about putting on our happy faces and trying to get on with life the way we did pre-cancer. I agree that if we let the mask slip then people find it too much of a drain and I never want anyone to think I am a burden.

I've had three friends approach me in the last two days asking if there is anything wrong and if they can help me in any way. So I suppose they must have noticed I haven't been my usual chirpy self. I've agreed to let one give me a foot massage tomorrow, I've told another one that we'll have a cup of tea and a natter next Tuesday and I don't yet know how I will respond to my third friend. I'm trying to figure out whether I should just tell them everything (none of my friends know the disease is metastatic). But I'm worried that if I tell any of them the full extent of what I am going through that it will be too much for them. One is the mum of a girl who died from leukaemia at the age of 18 (we were the same age). I don't know! I'll give it some more thought and then decide what to do.

One of my problems is saying no when people expect too much from me, as they see that I look healthy, am still working and for all intents and purposes I seem to be doing well. But that needs to change and I should start telling people that I can't always help them.

I hope that your mood quickly picks up and that you feel better soon.

Sophie ❤

mariootsi
mariootsi
in reply to Becca65

Rebecca, beautiful post. So sorry you are so down. You expressed many of our feelings.

I hope things improve for you.

Love,

Marianne

I hear you and understand. Sending you comforting thoughts and prayers.

Sending prayers to You!

Oh my dear ... hang in there . Surgery can make your body out of wack for sure . I’m so sorry you feel so bad . I want you to know I hear you and validate your feelings .. please know you are thought of .. virtual hugs ..

So sorry to hear about your friend💕

I hope and pray you feel better soon. The feeling down and alone is hard to take and hope it passes soon. This is such a supportive group of ladies and everyone is always there for you. I can’t begin to say how Blessed I feel to be apart of this group. It has helped me so much. Hope you feel better soon💕

I agree

You ladies are magnificent

Barb xc

Hi Barb. Your surgery might show tiny incisions on the outside but the wound inside probably hasn’t healed yet. Give it more time to heal. I know it’s hard to bear the pain and misery of this dreaded disease but hang in there because this too shall pass. May Spring bring you healing of body and mind.

You’re very correct...it’s healing time and it will maybe take longer than I expected...I think the word ‘keyhole’ suggests it’s easy peasy

Barb xx

Hope you are feeling better today than you did yesterday

Dear Barb, I hope you will be feeling much better by the time you get this. Our adult son who lives in South Carolina also suffers from vertigo. He says it is awful. I hope you get some pretty weather soon that will just lift your spirits and that you will be able to get back to your Bugsy. He seems to do magic for your spirits. He is a big comfort to you. Picture him with his head on your shoulder. Big hugs and lots of comfort to you. Blessings, Hannah

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to hdhonda

I daren’t go to the stables yet as I feel too sore and vulnerable...horses are so big and can bash into you unintentionally...thank goodness my Vanessa likes to ride him out so he’s not being neglected

I have my bunny and cats here so I e got some fur babies!

Barb xx

Hi Barb,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way but I think we all have at one (or more) time. I have been on disability for 4 months and now back to work from home and about the only one's i get to talk to are my dogs. I sometimes feel very isolated. My friends call me and we try and get out for lunch but it's just not the same as just getting up and doing whatever you want when you feel like it.

Vent away - that's what this site is for.

Kim

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Kimr2081

Thanks Kim

Barb xx

Oh Barb, I'm so sorry you are going through all this nonsense!

I pray your pain subsides and you jump on your dear Bugsy and ride.

Being inside isolated is just horrendous.

Here's to better days.

Love and hugs,

Marianne

I’m finally back from my vacations and jumping back on here. Barb, I’m so sorry that you have felt unwell. I discovered that I felt worse when people asked me daily, are you feeling better today? It is hard to see improvement in one day increments! If you look back, you will find that you probably feel better than a week ago and next week you will feel even better. Until then, hibernate in that library! I’ve been listening to Anne of Green Gables on audio and if there is anything that will make you feel cheerful it is dear Anne! Surgery, no matter what the surgeon says, is a big deal. Give yourself time and enjoy doing some of the quieter things in life, reading, watching movies, sorting old pictures. You will feel better! Elaine

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Red71

Aww Elaine...I love Anne of Green Gables...so lovely

Yes I shall be good and stop trying to push myself

Barb xx

You are in my thoughts and prayers, Barb!

Go easy on yourself and get lots of rest. Your body has been through a lot. If the pain continues to be excruciating, I'd definitely get in touch with your oncologist for some alternative relief.

XXOO Linda

I’ve got plenty painkillers but I still loth to take them...stupid I know!!

It’s the morphine I don’t like but oxycodone is fine

Barb xx

Hope you’re feeling better tomorrow, Barb!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️

Of course you're feeling low... you've just lost a friend, are in pain, and recovering from surgery. Please make sure (or have an advocate make sure) that you are treated adequately for your pain. That'll be essential for sleeping, as well as for feeling better overall.

Sending you good wishes and a gentle hug!

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Bestbird

Thank you so much

When I was in hospital (only overnight) I was given double the oxycodone dose I normally take and was allowed it every two hours...made a huge difference...I’ve upped the dose now I’m home

I don’t know why I feel as if I’ve achieved something if I ‘manage’ on less pain relief...so stupid...I’m not on a massive dose 10 mg

Barb xx

Bestbird
Bestbird
in reply to Barbteeth

Barb, many of us feel the same way - we're "tougher" if we cut down on pain meds. But there's a right and a wrong time for that!

So glad you're beginning to feel better!

I see you've had a number of great replies. Just chiming in to say I'm sorry for the side effects you're experiencing. You sound like someone who is strong and really doesn't want to have any downtime! Let your body repair and hopefully your appetite and all will come back soon. You've got this!

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Lolli2020

Thank you...I’ve eaten a bit more today...once I’ve made myself have something it makes me fancy something else later on...baby steps

Barb xx

Hi Barb

Firstly, you have already had 102 replies which shows how much you are thought of and everyone cares about you.

I’m so sorry you are in so much pain. This feels so unfair. Hopefully you will be in less pain very soon.

It’s also sad losing a friend so suddenly. Try & hold on to all those lovely memories you have.

At mum’s funeral recently, we had this song from the Sound of Musuc, May be a bit old hat but definitely uplifting in difficult times. ..

My Favorite Things

Julie Andrews

Raindrops on roses

And whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things

Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels

Doorbells and sleigh bells

And schnitzel with noodles

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver-white winters that melt into springs

These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don't feel so bad

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied…

Love Jo xx

Hi Jo

it’s one of my fave memories going to see the sound of music in Newcastle where they had a CinemaScope screen

I was about 6 at the time and in that song when they sang ‘cream coloured ponies’ I was absolutely ecstatic ...it amused my family for years!!

And thinking of happy things does help...might watch the dvd now

Barb xx

I keep all my books also. My bedroom wall is all books as are several walks in my recroom. I recently started reading ebooks which saves me money but I still love holding a real book in my hands. I got a bag of books from the library yesterday. I find they help me escape from the cancer world and forget my worries for awhile.

It took me a long time to recover from my hip replacement surgery. Your gall bladder surgery will just be a memory soon. One morning you will get up and feel good again. Till then read some books, take your pain meds and relax.

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to Sarcie

That’s what I’m going to do

Barb xx

So sorry Barb!

I think the number of replies says it all.

You will get there Barb, and just in time for the Spring weather.

Clare xx

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to BellaE

Thanks Clare

I was looking at my garden this morning and hyacinths are out...love those...signs of spring at last

Barb xx

BellaE
BellaE
in reply to Barbteeth

And they smell so lovely too.

Go out and have a sniff

Clare xx

Barbteeth
Barbteeth
in reply to BellaE

Well they’re in a pot so I could fetch them in and sniff all day!!

Barb xx

Praying u feel better soon! 🙏💕

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