My name is Kellie. I have stage 4 metastatic Breast Cancer. I am the only one in my family to have BC. I’m on my 4th type of chemotherapy. You can look at my bio for more information. I see my oncologist tomorrow. I’ve had a tough couple of weeks. Hopefully I will be feeling better soon. Thank you for listening. I look forward to getting to know you more!
Abundant Blessings😇
Scared is the word I use too. I have no symptoms yet, and am newly diagnosed after BC in 2004 and recurrence in 2014. A semi annual scan led to a needle biopsy which confirmed stage 4 this month. I am focusing on the fact I feel fine now. I do meditation for 20 minutes. Honestly, just being still and careful breathing helps. I’m also looking for a counselor to discuss my fears so I don’t dump it all on my husband and sister. I don’t know if these ideas will help with your fear. I’m sorry.
The fact that you’re feeling good is a great sign! My oncologist uses how I’m feeling physically as a way to determine how I’m doing. I have a counselor, so I think that’s a good idea for you. I’ll try the deep breathing and meditation techniques you talked about. Thank you for replying ! I’ll keep you in my prayers. 🙏🏻
Hello Kellie!
Welcome to the group. I hope the visit with your oncologist went well for you and that you will soon be feeling better. I find it really helpful to talk with other ladies on here who are going through the same as I am. To begin with, I only really talked to my husband, but it was overwhelming to share it all with him. He needs a break from "the disease" as I call it.
All the best,
Sophie xx
Hi Sophie! My appt went well today. I agree with you. I think my husband needs a break from my “disease talk’ too😅 I find myself talking about it a lot! So I’m glad I’m here to talk with others about this. You all know what I’m going through. And that makes a huge difference! Thank you for reaching out to me! I will keep you in my prayers.
Abundant Blessings to you! 😇🙏🏻
Hi Kellie,
I'm glad things went well with your oncologist today. I don't know about your husband, but mine wants answers and how he can "fix" the problem, so I am trying to talk to him about issues than can be fixed, so to speak. Things such as symptoms, which can be managed, or different treatment options. So perhaps you can talk to your husband about things like that if he finds it hard to deal with the emotional side of things. I know my husband loves me and he understand that this is not easy for me, but I don't want him to feel like I lean on him for everything, as that's a lot for one person to carry. He is there with me at appointments and is just as pleased as I am whenever I get good news.
All the best to you,
Sophie xx
My husband is very supportive. He wants me to talk to him whenever I’m feeling scared, or sad, or just whatever. We have cried so many tears. Both sad and happy. We’ve been married for 25 years, and I appreciate him so much for all his support. I just feel guilty sometimes because he has the stress of my illness, his job, our children, and just everyday “stuff” I could t do it without him. That’s for sure! And as supportive as he is, he can’t relate to what I’m going through. So I’m just so thankful I came across this page, and ladies like you who know what I’m going through. 😇
I can relate. My husband is very supportive. He organizes my appointments and always comes with me. I worry too for his mental well-being because he is always strong and positive. I wonder “who does he talk to if he gets worried, scared, angry, etc?” Maybe his brothers. It’s a very close family.
Hi Snowcone16,
Your husband sounds like mine! He is very strong and supportive too and comes with me to my appointments. At first, when I told him I didn't want him having to take time off from work to come to every appointment, he said he didn't care. I am his priority, so he uses his sick leave to accompany me to appointments. I find it helpful to encourage my husband to pursue his hobbies (he loves to play golf) and to call his friends, mum, brothers or sisters (he's the youngest of 9!) for a chat. That way, he has an outlet from everything that is going on. Perhaps you can do the same? Or if his friends are getting together, encourage him to join them? I also remember thinking that if everything revolved around me, what would happen if my life was cut short? There would be a huge void left. Not that I am planning to go anywhere, but the thought has crossed my mind.
Take care,
Sophie x
My husband is supportive too, Kellie. I just don't like talking to him about everything. Some of my feelings are best kept to myself or shared with others going through this disease too. When I was having a low day recently I blurted out that I would rather lose a limb than have cancer and that shocked him. He didn't know what to say to that! So I try to spare him at times. Of course, I can turn to him, but I also want him to have a break from the disease and not be thinking about it all the time. We recently celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary, so he is my best friend as well as my husband. I could not ask for a better husband. I can understand the guilt you feel, as I feel it too at times. That's why I encourage him to go golfing and have some time doing things he enjoys.
Take care,
Sophie x
I think we are both very blessed to have the supportive, loving husbands that we have. So many women don’t have that support and it makes me so sad. I don’t know what I would do without that. And agree with you 100% that they need to get out and just do something they enjoy. Something that can take their minds off of us for a bit. I’ve said things to my husband out of anger that really threw him off too. We were getting ready for one of my appointments and I was just not feeling it, and I said something like I can’t do this anymore! I’m done! I just want to
Quit! And he was shocked and hurt. He knows I would never quit on him or our children: I just let my anger take over. So I know this group of ladies is going to help so much. I’ve only been on her for a few days, and I already feel the love and support❣️ Thanks for listening. 🤗
Blessings to you 😇🙏🏻
Hi Kellie,
I agree! I count my blessings every day, and my husband is one of my biggest blessings. You are very welcome! I didn't want to talk about all of this at first because I just found it traumatic and I would cry if anyone mentioned it. Once the news was out that I have breast cancer friends and family started flocking around me and I found it a bit claustrophobic, especially as I am normally quite a private person. Some relatives who live abroad were even getting ready to board a plane to come and see me. I told them I didn't want any of that and to stay put. I found that I had to set boundaries.
Some friends were telling me about their own experiences with breast (and other types) cancer, which I found helpful, while others didn't know what to say. But I try to carry on as normal and wish to be treated normally. Others wanted to know everything every time they saw me. That is too much for me. I only share what I want, when I want. It is my news to either share or keep to myself, and I don't feel guilty doing that, as it is my business. One friend felt "pushed out" as if I was deliberately excluding her, but I just didn't want to talk about it. I feel more able to share with others who are in the same situation as me, not so much with ladies who have been cured from early stage breast cancer, or with people who think they know what I am going through because their third cousin's wife's niece had cancer!
You are entitled to have bad days and to lash out. I do too! But I try to pick myself back up and tell myself I need to keep fighting. I have a husband, dad, two brothers, my beloved cat, and others relying on me!
All the best to you,
Sophie x
Welcome to the club you never wanted to join. I'm new too and you couldn't have found a better place to get encouragement and empathy and advice!
Love it -- club you never want to join. Being newly diagnosed is overwhelming, scarey, depressing...The whole "journey" (the trip you never wanted to take with the club you never wanted to join!) is a rollercoaster as it is. I think therapy is a great idea. You don't want to overload your loved ones, but you need to vent, and a lot of it will be the same issues: anxiety, depression, fears. I take an antidepressant. Low dose. Keeps me from staying in the dark place when my fears overwhelm me. Meditation is calming and helps to center you. Two tapes I can recommend: Tara Brach and Kris Carr. I think if you go online you can sample them. Kris has her own website. Faith -- if you are a person with a strong faith, now's the time to lean in. I do not, but Buddhism has helped me. I listen to talks, have gone to retreats and read.. Keeping a journal, especially a gratitude journal. It helps me to be mindful of all the good things in my life. Doing nice things for yourself -- as your budget allows, hair, nails, facials, massages...Kris Carr's website is one of the things that kept me going (and still does) when I was newly diagnosed. She has Stage 4 liver cancer, slow growing, is almost 15 years in, and has a beautiful uplifting website with tons of information about body, mind, spirit. Things not to do? I can only speak for myself, but researching stats and reading deep medical info online winds up sending me to the dark place. I have a good oncologist who is very smart. I ask questions, but she is my medical copilot. That is not to say I know nothing about my treatments and the rationales, but I have all I can do stay sane and live as full a life as I can. Work with a doctor you trust and have a good rapport with. Which brings me to my last point here. Since being diagnosed I have travelled a lot. I'm lucky, I have some money (not rich, still work) and I plan a trip a year to Europe. It has brought me so much joy. Created memories that nothing can take away. After the initial shock and awe, think about what special thing really lights you up and do it. It's all about you (although my husband does join me. Went once with a close friend and we had a blast. Nothing like a great "chick trip."). The people on this board are your sisters doing the walk with you.
I started a “positive journal” in my first months of dx. I wrote all the times I saw a sign that things would be ok. Days when I literally saw a rainbow or the sun shine through the clouds a certain way. Days where someone said something exactly right or finding a coin heads up. I entered more frequently in my first months but still go back every so often to read or write when needed.
A rollercoaster ride is exactly right! So many ups and downs. And I know to expect that with this disease. I have a counselor I talk to once a week. And she has helped me so much. But I still have “those days” or moments where I find myself giving in to my dark thoughts. I’m also on an antidepressant. I take Effexor. And I can really feel it if I miss a day of it. Thank you for the website suggestions. I’m going to look into those as soon as I finish my note to you. I’m so happy that you get to travel. Europe sounds like a dream! Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your thoughts and tips that have worked for you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.😇🙏🏻 xoxo
Hi Kellie, Nice to meet you. Sorry that it’s under this circumstance. I turned 47 in April. I was diagnosed stage 4 in January. My original dx was stage 2 in April 2016. I also have Mets to my bones and also some spots on my scalp.
I have not done any IV chemo since the beginning. That’s because my oncotype test said I had a 15% chance of recurrence. It said I would benefit 1-2% with chemo. I don’t rule it out in the future. For now, Ibrance which comes in this bright yellow ziploc bag that says “chemotherapy drug”.
For me, I know it was dark in those first couple weeks. I was sad, angry, worried, denial. But I don’t know that I recognized it in the moment. I see it now looking back. I think I overcame it by taking control of what I could. I surrounded myself w positive people. I didn’t join just any board! This board is great. I started reading stories of radical remission and spontaneous healing. I walked a mile per day. I started juicing. My oncologist is also positive—I was definitely evaluating that before my follow up appointment. I thought “if she is negative, this will be my last appointment “
Finally, I didn’t go the antidepressant or anti anxiety med route but it’s an option if the cloud doesn’t lift. I know I’m early 2000s I was moving from CA to AZ. I started experiencing tingling lips and vertigo. My dr told me I was stressed and likely holding my breath. I took meds for 90 days and it kick-start me to feeling better.
❤️
Forgot to mention I went to a hypnotist in my first few months. Just a one time appt. I confronted MBC, spoke to it, and redefined its purpose in my life. But, I get a moment here and there still. I’ve recently added 15 minutes a day of Joel Osteen podcast. And I visualize the storm with the boat of disciples —walking out onto the water. I have 3-5 screenshots of my favorite passages and will read them as needed. Psalm 23.
Thank you so much for all of the tips. I love the idea of keeping a journal of the positive things. I have so much to be thankful for, and I need to recognize those moments. A hypnotist sounds fascinating! I love that idea! I’m going to look into that. Like you, I worry about my husband. I know he talks to the guys he works with, and I think that helps him a lot. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone other than your husband/wife. Thank you so much for reaching out to me. And thank you for sharing your story and some tips that have helped you get through the dark days. I’ll keep you in my prayers! 😇🙏🏻 xoxo
Hi, Kellie!
So sorry to hear you are going through a rough period. You don't mention which meds you are taking now. Is your recent episode related to a change in meds? Please know you are on my (and many) prayer lists! We are all living in a time where, when our cancer does not respond to one treatment, there are other options out there. Get as much rest as possible; all our bodies are getting battered and need rest to recoup. Bless you, Kellie, and may God shine His healing light on the nasty mets you are fighting! XO Linda
Hi Linda. I am currently on Zolodex. I am on for two weeks, off for two weeks. I’m not sure why my pain has increased over the last week or so. But I am trying to get more rest and drink more fluids. I thank you so much for your prayers. I swear I can feel them at times😇 And I will pray for you as well. Thank you Linda for reaching out. Abundant Blessings🙏🏻😇💕
xoxo Kellie
Many more blessings back to you, sweet Kellie!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💗💗💗
Me too. When I had stage 2 in 2014 I was not told it was metastatic. My lymph nodes were taken out in a second surgery after my lumpectomy. Now I am stage 4 because it travelled to the bones. It is still called breast cancer because of the point of origin. I am now on Letrozol and Ibrance (2nd cycle) There are a few side effects, but I find this easier than the infusions every week and the trip back the next day for Neulasta. I am not as much the invalid I was four years ago with this type of treatment. This is a targeted treatment for what we have. I, too, am the first in my family with BC. My brother is two years younger and he is the first one in the family with throat cancer (smoker) and had the laryngectomy and now has a stoma to breathe. My daughter now feeds her family organic because of the fear. So I am told there is no cure for stage 4 but obviously there wasn't for stage 2 either. Remission is not a cure, but this type of cancer is manageable and we can live with it, but take it a day at a time.
Hi AG❣️ Thank you for your message. When I had my first diagnosis in 2015, I had the mastectomy and my lymph nodes were tested and everything was negative. So I truly felt that was it. So I was blown away when I was diagnosed with stage 4 a year and a half later. And by that time it was all through my bones, my vertebrae, skull, and a few spots on my brain. You’re right, Unfortunately there is no cure. And that is so hard for me to accept: I just started PT today. I hope that will help me with my fatigue, and back pain.
I’m sorry to hear about your brother. I’ll keep you both in my prayers.
😇❣️🙏🏻 xoxo
-Kellie
Thank you, and thanks for replying. I've always been one to pray for others, never myself. The busier I kept with the grands was the less time to dwell on myself. I had two lumps one on top of the other, but the mammogram showed only one. Lymph nodes were all infected. So I was still told lumpectomy was all I needed at first, then the nodes were entirely removed. Lymphedema showed up a year after radiation so now there's compression sleeves to buy, exercises to do too so it doesn't harden up. Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers and keep in touch.
Where is the bio. Still trying to learn how to use this site.
The beginning is the worst. But have hope that the meds will help you and the pain will be less. Will say a prayer for you. Stay positive.
Sister /Warrior I pray (Dr.God ) will touch and heal your body. I like this quote: " When it rains, we have to let it rain, because what follows is sunshine, and beautiful rainbows". Keep the faith your sunshine, and rainbow is coming. There are miracles on this site, and all around us. XoXoXoXo
Thank you my dear RLN-overcomer❣️
The quote is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with me.
Abundant Blessings😇❣️🙏🏻
Welcome ♥️
New York here I come!!
New Here (Mammogram Results Positive)
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