I am a 70 year old retired RN. December 2019 lumpectomy and radiation. I started with health unlocked for BRVO and eyelea injections. My central vision is gone but I have a great left eye. My active 92 year old Mother and I became roomates for the last 15 years. Mom became ill at the beginning of March. I thought it was pneumonia. I was in touch with her doctor and for about a 10 days I was taking care of her and she said she was going to beat it because she was convinced she had covid. This was when people were to stay home and treat symptoms. I checked her oxygen level and kept her nutrition in check. On March 30th Her oxygen level was dropping and she was getting a little confused. I did not know that once in the ER no visitors. I had promised her that she would never be in the hospital without me. That promise was intact until that day. I should have pushed past the doors to get to her. I am sure she was scared and confused. On one of the nights at home I knew I had it also because I know I had a fever and couldn't get out of the chair. I prayed I wouldn't die because Mom needed me. She trusted and depended on me. I was Mom's healthcare POA. I know that she gave up. She ended up on a ventilator for 10 days and died on Easter Sunday morning. This is the first time I have tried to put this nightmare on paper. To make it worse I was called at 12:17 am on Easter and was told that they had trouble with Mom's ET tube and before it was fixed her heart stopped. I was asked if they should shock my Mother. I lost it and did everything wrong trying to call my 4 siblings. I yelled LEAVE HER ALONE! She died without family. I didn't even think to have the phone to her ear so I could pray. The women who taught us how to pray died without one prayer. Time has stood still for me and Every day I relive everything that I know she had to endure. I wrote this out in hopes that someone could help me. Another thing I think about is that I probably gave it to Mom because I was receiving radiation. I stopped it when Mom needed me.
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I am so very sad to read your post. It reminded me so much of my mom and our relationship. She died two years ago at age 96 and I miss her so very much.
Please don’t blame yourself for ANYTHING. You gave your mom many extra years of life through your love and care. Focus on that instead of heartache.
God bless you!! 💗💗🙏🏻🙏🏻
Linda
Thank you for your kind words Reading others suggestions really help
Sooooooo sorry to hear your mom has ended her earthly journey, but I know you did everything in your power to love, and care for her. I send you many virtual hugs. XoXo
Thank you for your encouraging words and virtual hugs!
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. My heart breaks for you. I wish there were the right words to take the pain away. I can tell you what I see through your words. You loved your Mom, I can feel that love reading your story. You had a connection with your mother, I can imagine she was confused and scared but I am also sure she knew you were there with her in spirit and felt your love. My mother died when she was 72. They would only let one of us in at a time. In her last hours, she said to me she was going to be with the carpenter. She was not lucid for days and only mumbled but those words were clear. I believe Jesus was there with her comforting her and holding her hand. I believe this 100% with your mother as well. I pray you will find peace.
Thank you for your lovely words and most of all prayers. I am sorry for the loss of your Mother at age 72. My family is just one of the 600,000+ families who have lost so much during this pandemic.I believe you were correct that Jesus was holding your Mothers hand on her final journey. I pray that my Mother also held His hand.
So sorry to hear about your Moms end of life journey. In my opinion, the government and medical field failed us by not allowing us to be with our loved ones in these horrible covid times. My Mom, 88, was moved to assisted living on the Feast of St. Joseph, 2020, the beginning of the covid. My only consolation was St. Joseph would be watching over her and our family. My Moms health declined and the only time we saw her was to take her to the ER fall of 2020, when she fell, resulting in moving her to skilled nursing and we didn’t see her at all for awhile. Finally Easter 2021 we took Mom to mass! Until her last days my Mom would ask, are we going to mass tomorrow? Mom had dementia and couldn’t remember what day it was. My Mom passed in July 2021, Our faith sometimes is all we have and yours will get you through. Thank God, you know Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Blessings to you and your Moms memories.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt reply while you are also grieving the loss of your own Mother. You are 100% correct when you stated that the government and the medical field failed us. My heart goes out to anyone who was in assisted living and cut off from their family. My Mother taught us how to pray at a very young age. I wish I would have told them to put the phone by her ear to hear me pray. Mom was an active 92 year old. She witnessed losing our Father at age 71 to cancer, her youngest daughter age 54 to metastatic breast cancer, 2 sisters and 7 brothers to cancer and cancer surgery for 1 son and 2 daughters to breast cancer. Mom was always there as our rock. Mom prayed the rosary every day and watched Mass on tv.
How amazing it was that your Mother was able to go to Mass on Easter!
She is your Angel now. Families who have to go through having a parent with dimentia are Angels on earth!!
Again thank you so much for your reply. You helped me more than you know...God Bless You
My sympathies to you for all you went through last year. I am certain it is still close to your heart. Your mother knows you did everything you could given the situation. Every time you think of your mom she is right there with you. Look for signs. For my dad and I it is coins.
Thank you for your kind words. My Mother has been quite busy because I think of Her all the time!
I’m so sorry for your loss and the way in which it happened. It had to be very painful that you could not be with your mother when she was passing away. It sounds like you and your mother were very spiritual. I believe God was with your mother and your mother knew how much you loved her. I’m sure God took your mother home to heaven and would not want you to feel bad about not being there. I understand your doubt and frustration but you would have to been with your mother if you could have. I’m sorry hospitals would not let loved ones in to see their desperately ill patients. Do not feel that you could have given covid to your mother, there is no way of knowing that. Please do not blame yourself. You were a great daughter to your mother! God bless you🙏
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond with your kind words. It means so much to me . It really does help!
Raloxifene (Evista)
Letrozole ?
Newly diagnosed
