So lost

[LostNewlywed]

As a newlywed and in the process of trying to cope with the loss of my breasts from recent double mastectomy and with tissue expanders currently , I feel less of a woman and so afraid I will lose my husband. I love him so much and I have felt like he doesn't want to touch me, even kiss me because he's afraid he will hurt me. I am so lost now.

[daf10]

I found this on breast cancer.org:

You and Your Partner

What do partners of breast cancer patients care most about? In spite of what you may imagine or fear, studies show that the answer is simply this: Their loved one is alive and feeling well. The loss or alteration of a breast is almost meaningless in contrast. "I don't care what they take from you as long as I can see your face" is a common sentiment. Most caring partners (both men and women) see their lovers as having many parts to love, and as being more than the sum of those parts.

Nobody is promising there won't be ups and downs. While you're worrying about feeling less attractive, your partner is also dealing with worry, anxiety, and maybe even guilt, wondering: "Could I have been responsible? Could I in some way have contributed to the cancer? Will I become radioactive if I touch her, if I touch her breast? Is her cancer contagious?" And (perhaps feeling guilty), "When will I be able to worry about myself for a change?"

It may be hard for you figure out your needs and concerns, let alone tell them to your partner. You don't want to make light of what your partner has already done for you, so phrase your requests as carefully and positively as possible: "You've been working so hard, doing so much—and it's made a huge difference. But what I really need right now is to be close to you and tell you what's making me nervous and anxious. I need you to listen, and maybe just hold me."

Communication's the key

Communication—talking to each other, listening to each other—is the basis of any intimate relationship. But most people haven't a clue about how to talk about something as big as cancer. So here are some tips to get you started:

To read more go to

Hope this is helpful

breastcancer.org/tips/intim...

[LostNewlywed in reply to daf10]

Thabk you so much for this response.. This helps tremendously.