I'm new here

[metalminded]

Hi everyone! I just joined today and have read and responded to some great posts. Everything I've read has been informative, interesting, and most importantly pleasant.

I know this has been discussed, maybe not on it's own, or just not in a while.

I'm one of those guys who has has an issue with body image. One or two things I need to work on motivation, like losing weight, I find it tough to motivate myself and don't have anyone to help with.

The other I can't control is size of my penis. I'm curious to other men's opinions, experience, etc. I'm obsessed with it to the point of depression. Obviously you can guess I'm not very well endowed. I'm 48 and am married, but reject my wife's opinion that "it's fine". She's the only woman I've ever been with.

Thank you!!!

[jimreilly]

I don't have a magic answer to make you feel better. The world is full of guys who don't like their bodies or their dicks or who think they're not smart enough or good enough at something. I used to know someone who was embarassed because he thought his dick was too big (? yeah, I know.....so many people would love to have the problem!). Nobody (except maybe Donald Trump, and look at that mess) thinks they're perfect, and a helluva people are unhappy about their shortcomings. Other people may have even more "wrong" with them and yet they're relatively content. So the issue is not what you look like, it's how you feel about it. I'm not a psychologist or counselor or anything, and I've been plenty unhappy with myself at various periods of my life. I still get down on myself sometimes and have lots of regrets, but somehow things are better than they used to be. Because I'm alive and relatively healthy after a lot of problems? I dunno! But it is possible to feel better about yourself.....

[metalminded in reply to jimreilly]

Thank you! My problem is how do I feel better about myself? I've been married for 12 years, I know she's been with much bigger men than me, she's fine with it, at least that's what she says. The problem I have with that, at the moment, is she hasn't wanted sex or play or anything like that for some time now. Even the few weekends where our son will spend the night at my Mom's. That creates more anxiety and also makes me thinks she's getting tired of it because it can't satisfy her.

[2getbetter in reply to metalminded]

Best advice on these issues are, size usually isn’t the issue, it’s how you use it & something like 70%+ of women out there require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, not vaginal. My advice is to have a heart to heart talk with your wife outside the bedroom and present your fears and worries, be open and honest. I’m rooting for you

[Hidden]

Her opinion that "it's fine" is very good .

Also She's the only woman you've ever been with is also very good .

[metalminded in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, please see my reply above, still have worries.

Yeah, I'm kind of glad I've only been with one woman, but I'm at the point where I regret a lot, and one of those is at least experiencing another woman.

Even more, I've found myself thinking that I'd want to be with a man to experience that as well. Has anyone else here had those thoughts?

[HelloG in reply to metalminded]

You should be able to bring this up with your wife. Maybe look for a single or a couple that might be interested in swinging. Dick size really doesn't matter (from what I've heard) it's how you use it. Very few people have a "big dick". Mostly porn will lead you to think you're small. Everyone in porn is hung. But anyway, i really think you guys should have a couple glasses of wine (to be more forward) and talk about how you guys can make things more interesting. I hear swinging is a blast

[metalminded in reply to HelloG]

It's funny you mention that. I have suggested bringing another woman into the bedroom, but she's totally against it. I then said maybe a couple, no go for that either.

[Nick2U in reply to metalminded]

I would strongly recommend you seek out a counselor to talk with. If your wife won’t go along then just go for yourself. I might ask if she’s been having sex with someone else or if there’s another reason why she’s not interested in having sex with you.

I was married for 25 years before I even had serious thoughts of sex with someone outside of my marriage. I, too, only had sex with my wife, no experience with anyone else.

For years I had been suppressing feelings for men (which explains why I never looked at another woman) but never acted on those feelings until after learning my wife had been having an affair.

When I did finally had sex with a man I tried to suggest we seek counseling as a couple. She refused and in hindsight I should have gone on my own. At that point I couldn’t be honest with her, couldn’t even trust her with anything intimate since she loved telling her friends everything.

For about a year I lived a double life and made up for not having any experience by trying new things with men I’d meet online and even had a six month affair with another married man.

It was pretty messy when she found out about my double life and subsequently divorced. After we split though, I realized how unhappy and depressed I was all those years and started feeling so much happier about coming to terms with my sexuality.

As far as penis size goes, I’ve enjoyed some really tiny ones attached to terrific guys and some lousy huge ones attached to real jerks. I’ve noticed my own penis responds to genuine affection and honest positive opinions of others—it’s ego driven. My ex wife could deflate it in seconds with a cruel word or two. I’m so much happier now!

Best wishes.

[metalminded in reply to Nick2U]

Thank you for your openness Nick2U. I've also had thoughts about being with a man, but haven't acted on it. I met an older man for dinner, but never anything more. I love my wife and enjoy sex when we have it.

No, I am pretty certain she has not been with anyone since we've been married.

We both love each other, I think her libido is really low because she's very overweight. Which although doesn't bother me when it comes to wanting her, but it does make positions I used to enjoy impossible now.

I have seen a counselor on my own. I don't believe I could ever tell her I want to try being with a man. I think we'd be divorced immediately, and I don't want that.

I need to figure out how to talk to her and tell her how I feel about lack of sex without sounding like a jerk.

[Hidden]

I think you can engage in more foreplay . After 12 years interest reduces.Don't worry.You will be ok.May be you have to insert finger or go for oral. Good Luck

[metalminded in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!

[jaglad]

I think size is not that important, occasionally we use what I call a padded condom. This gives me an extra 2" and more girth. My Wife obviously enjoys this but never asks, it is always my suggestion. I would follow diptasu's suggestion and try different methods of foreplay. May-be even try foreplay that does not lead to full sex. Kiss caress cuddle sleep. Save the sex for when you really both want it.

[metalminded in reply to jaglad]

I'll have to consider that. I know this may be inappropriate to ask or say here, but I'd be interested in hearing your normal size. Whenever I see a picture of some other guy that says they are small, their definition and my reality are two different things. I'd be happy to have what they do.

Where can you find the "padded condom"?

Have you discussed your size with your wife? If she's had partners before you, did you ever ask how you compare in size?

[jaglad]

When erect I am 6" from base of shaft at stomach to tip. Bear in mind most photo's of guys showing their penis would be designed to do just that and use angles to make him look bigger.

The condom I bought was from an on-line sex toy retailer and cost about £8. Various options are available, I find this one quite easy to use, it is about 3mm thick latex and has a solid end of about 2". I simply roll it up and roll it down, you do not have to be fully erect to use and with some practice can be put on quickly. The first time we used it I did not show her first. I just asked would she like for us to try a padded condom. And yes she enjoyed it, and that excited me. But no she never asks for that in preference to the 'real' me.

She had boyfriends before me but not sex, she is a Nurse so has seen plenty in her time but never compares. Do not get me wrong, if she see's a well endowed man she may think, Mmm, or whatever. Much the same as when I see an attractive lady but not as an alternative.

I hope I have been of some help, but remember "it ain't what you got it is the way that you use it "

I often ask is she enjoying sex but only asked about size once. That was the first time after my Circumcision. And she said it felt thinner, and there was me thinking it looked bigger ! You can't win them all.

Good luck

[metalminded in reply to jaglad]

Just like I said, some think it's small. I'd kill for 6" erect! I only have 4" erect.

[jaglad]

I think you are worrying about the wrong things. Go for intimacy not just sex. Then move onto sexual experiments like fingers and oral. From there you can move onto the padded condom if needed. Take things slow, make sure your wife is enjoying it and then if you are really confident you could discuss a threesome. I have in the past suggested similar but the answer was a definite NO. She is happy to fantasise and make up a story but that is as far as it goes. Do not stress.

[metalminded in reply to jaglad]

Thank you for your comments. I'm really obsessed with the size of my penis. I know my wife tells me it's fine and fills her, but I can't help thinking she is just being nice.

Every man I look at I automatically assume they are well endowed.

I'm so jealous of really handsome men with really attractive wives because I know they are hung. Those attractive women would never like a guy like me because of my lack of manhood.

[jaglad]

I still believe you are over thinking things, I am no expert but believed that no matter what your size you can satisfy a Woman. Most orgasm through clitoral stimulation, nothing to stop you or her rubbing the clit during sex. We find the 'spoon' position good for this. Do not assume any man with an attractive wife/partner is well endowed. Surely any woman worth having would want you for who you are not what may be between your legs ? You have your wife, enjoy her, from what you say she enjoys you. Talk about things, experiment, have fun, but do not worry.

[Vitruviusman]

the only way is to accept it as it is. The size of your cock cannot change. However there are a few methods where you could attempt to do so. One is the penis pump, it is painful and it will appear to be larger But ultimately go back to its normal size. The other is a surgical Intervention which I would absolutely not recommend, some men have done it, where they cut the ligament that holds the penis to the body and it extends it about an inch. I would not recommend doing this but some men who are absolutely tortured by the size of their small cock actually go through this and have some marginal more acceptance.

[metalminded in reply to Vitruviusman]

Thank you! No I'd never have that surgery nor have I ever tred a penis pump.

I know I need to be more accepting of my body, just haven't got there yet.

[2getbetter]

I can tell you I’ve struggled with these same issues and I’ve been listening to some podcasts on Sex Talk and Dr Jess- both do just an amazing service in education on sex along with relationships- highly recommend checking them out, but to answer the question on endowment, according to them, men in general worry about this and some of the insecurities can come from what is portrayed in porn which is not the norm. They say the average size is 5.5” & the 7”+ is the minority’. I hope this helps

[metalminded in reply to 2getbetter]

Thank you! I know what we see in porn is the largest. I'm not bothered by that.

My issue is just what you mentioned, if average is around 5.5" I'm only 4" erect. In my case, I really am small. I probably am less than average in girth, but I do thicken up a decent amount, which I am happy about.

[2getbetter]

Bottom line, you have to be happy with yourself and be confident. If it feels good, then that’s great. Have that conversation with your wife and lay it all out there. Love isn’t about looks or size of a penis or how big or small a woman’s breasts are. They have similar insecurities when it comes to their own bodies and what society thinks is sexy or the standard.

[metalminded in reply to 2getbetter]

Thank you, that is so true.