Don't feel like I belong.

[craigscave]

I had a heart attack just over a month ago, I still don't feel like I had one, I'm in a group at our local hospital and the people in the group have had Pace makers installed, triple bypasses and other real heart ailments, I had a clogged artery and had a stint in placed, but I feel like I really have had nothing done, I look and see that these people have had been operated on and I was on the table for less then an hour, I tell my girlfriend that I don't feel worthy of being in their company, now am I way off base with my thought's?

[Hidden]

Yes you are You had a heart attack - however small it was. You survived that heart attack - tens of thousands of others dont. In my case, both my father and brother died at age 51 after one heart attack. I had two this year and survived - as well also having a stroke. We are the lucky ones. But there was something about us that allowed us to survive that awful illness. Don't compare yourself with others and think that you almost dont deserve to survive - survivor's guilt is a well known condition. All you need to be concerned about is how you live your life having survived. You are as worthy as anyone else. I wish you a speedy and full recovery.

[Jennygriffin in reply to Hidden]

I agree with you immensely. My father died of a coronary at the age of 46, I reached 58 before my heart attack. I'm not over weight never smoked, don't drink much, I play badminton, I walk the dog go to pilates and have a BMI 24, I was just unlucky. Now I feel really lucky to be alive,and grateful to have received the correct treatment. Now every day is a bonus and I live my life as full as I can. Be happy

[Andyman]

It's simple given that you didn't get it fixed quickly enough you would have died. Them nearly dying or you nearly dying. What's the difference? Heart attacks in any form is a heart attack. Survival is a great thing. Embrace it. You might not next time. You have a chance like the others to have a great life. It's not a competition it's about living. Ask your girl friend which one she would rather you had, stents or a bypass.

We all have periods of guilt and unworthiness and that's our biggest demon. Recognising you are feeling unworthy is the start of getting over it. You have your badge of honour, feel proud you survived. Fix you lifestyle, time to move on.

[shirazred]

Yes you are 🙂 As previously stated you survived many don't. Ask your rehab team about some counselling. I remember a feeling of what is wrong with me when I attended my rehab group - I was the youngest one in it (40) the others were pensioners all with a mix of stents or bypass and they would be chatting about going off to Spain etc and seemed to be totally unaffected by what had happened to them whilst I felt totally steam rollered and couldn't have even begun to contemplate going on a holiday - guess what I'm saying though badly is that You can expect to go through a range of emotions over the next few months all of which is normal. my new cardiac nurse is quite good and states that it's your body your heart attack yoir feelings and that there's no page in the book that says you shouldn't feel like you do. It gets better.

[Andyman in reply to shirazred]

It was counselling I turned to in the end for my victim feeling and anxieties. Talking and Mindfulness have been great for me.

[craigscave]

Thank you everyone, I know that the feeling will change once we really start our sections and I will keep an open mind and try and not feel that way, we are all there so we can get better and that's the way, I'm going to look at it, it's not a competition it's getting back in shape and mindset of the shock our bodies have taken.

[Mariann]

yes, you do NOT need to feel "unworthy" around me, you had a heart attack... YOU SURVIVED! I know too many who didn't!

[craigscave]

I'm coming to terms with it, just never been sick for 56 years and then this, I think I caught me off guard, maybe it's because I don't understand what's going on, when our group get's back together in the New Year I can put these feeling's to rest. Never had anytime to really discuss it at our first meeting.....Happy New Year.......

[mudnight]

i had two heartattacks in 2 years and i am fine but i geuss that is why everyone thinks that i am fine and not at risk of illness etc. from my co workers they think she had two heartattacks but she is fine she didnt die so who cares. People dont understand if they havent been through it , i feel next time i may not survive another, kinda depressing sometimes then kinda like live everyday like it is your last on others.

[jackiesj in reply to mudnight]

mudnight, i get this so much.Im in the middle of the muck i call it.The fatigue has got me but at times i admit death feels too close.I had no symptoms.than had a quad bypass, year later it scared over and 4 stents, a bleed out, I don't know how to get thru knowing we all will miss this earth as we leave, but love and live while we are here.I have MS also and contributes to lack of exercise but no excuse here. i weigh 120, yes, not in my plan....but it is.Most days i don't let fear rule...but to be honest it is there....

[jackiesj]

Craigscave, you deserve to be where you want to be.Messing with the heart in any form i think gives us a bit of PTSD on that incident.Im so thankful you don't feel adverse effects as many do.At first, you don't think, i just had something done to the major organ that keeps be alive and than you do hear worse.Ask how you can use this group for good or help others while you are there.Maybe your girlfriend sees the need you don't.A support group is good for changing habits, sharing thoughts, rising higher...talk about it.Men especially want to pick up and go on when...you were on the table an hour and that isn't a normal thing.Lets stop the next heart attack.....