What a surprise

Ok so on fri i was extremely unwell with rl...i dragged myself to doc crying in pain....u kno the ugly cry where ur so upset that even ur nose cries...he ordered bloods and chest xray...as i jus got over pneumonia.... xray shows a black shadow on my lungs so he put me on two strong antibiotics which he wants me to take for the next three weeks... he said he thinks its either pneumonia or bronchitis....surprise surprise... ANOTHER chest infection...four bouts of pneumonia last year and now possibly two bouts so far this year....and no running a fever does not help my rl...as iv read many of u say works for you... i changed my diet to wheat free hoping that would help but three weeks in and my asthma and chest feel jus as bad as before... im soooo over being unable to breathe properly... i think i may be allergic to my partner...lol...we hv been together for three years now and that is when all this started...he suffers chronic depression and is a recovering alcoholic who relapses every few months and i sometimes wonder if the stress from his illnesses plus hving three kids( one only a few months old) is exacerbating my condition...the stress in the home is huge...we argue alot and jus over two weeks ago (after his latest relapse) i gv him an ultimatum of go to rehab or move out...two weeks on...hes still here...and im still sleeping in the lounge room...i am afraid his illnesses are making me feel overwhelmed overworked and under appreciated... i think my body is shutting down...the worst thing is he doesnt even care that im no longer in the bedroom...he jus takes his meds n goes off to sleep...i am so desperate to get some quality of life back i will do almost anything...including breaking up with my guy...but he wont go...any suggestions pls...thank

16 Replies

  • Hi goingthrouhell so sorry to hear how difficult it is for you at the moment then stress of RSL IS enough to drive you crazy like you I have just getting over another bout of pneumonia also just been in hospital for bipolar. I am also a recovering alcoholic when I was drinking I could not see the damage I was doing to my wife and family and I did not seek help till I was totally alone and had no one to left because of the my behavior I am twenty five years sober and have got everything and more back you must put your self first before anything else I know that this may sound harsh but he can do something about his illness but you can only do what you're meds dictate please please put your health first and foremost

  • Thanku...i hv jus told him he needs to move out...very calmly. .very matter of factly...hes on the phone to his parents now probably bitching about me...last time he relapsed i locked him outta the house...he of course played victim to his mum and she bombarded me with the same text over and over..." u are a complete and utter arsehole" i tried to explain that theres two sides to every story but thats all she would text me...in the end i told her to f off...i hv done nothing but try and support this man for three years of empty promises to change and nothing...all the while putting my recovery at risk...im spent...i can do no more but im absolutely shattered that he wont make any effort to deal with his issues...hes willing to lose another family and set of kids because hes fn lazy...i dont get it...

  • When they are on the throws of addiction, they cannot see what is is going on in reality, in the real world. Apparently he has not hit rock bottom yet, which he MUST do, to realize he needs help, and then actually do it.

  • Dear fellow RLS-sufferer,

    I am very sorry to hear that at the moment things are getting worse for you.

    Personally I believe you need more help than the support or advise you can get on this forum. So please try and find some EXTRA help nearby. Extra help for yourself in the first place. It can take many forms : medical help, psychological help, practical help ... It can be professional help, or help from friends and family. Try to find good listeners, people who don't judge. Don't focus at this moment on your partners alcoholism. That is HIS problem, he should take the necessary steps to do something about it. You can't help him now. Focus on yourself. Secondly I'd advise you to look for practical help with raising the boys. Make sure they don't catch yor pneumonia/bronchitis. Can someone nearby temporarily take over some of the care for the children? You are ill and probably not able at the moment to give the best of yourself to the children. Maybe you know someone in the neighbourhood, in your family who can help while your longs are recovering?

    A forum likes this one can help a lot when you feel desperate, But we are limited to listening and giving advise based on our own experiences. I believe strongly that you need more than that at the moment. Please ask for extra help nearby.



  • Hi and thanks for ur reply...i did nineteen months of residential rehab so i learnt alot and changed my life completely.... i kno how to reach out for help and hv done so...i hv a mental health support worker who i see once a week...i go to all my apps...mental health and for rls...i am doing everything i kno how on my part... airing my dirty laundry anonymously on this forum is jus another way i reach out...i dont expect it to give me clear " what i should do? " answers... i like being annonymous and raw...hopefully i can take lil snippets of advice from a few ppl sharing their experiences and work out what my next step should be...im pretty desperate and will take all the suggestions i can get...lol

  • Just to let you know, my spouse was also abusive, as I am sure yours is in some capacity. You need to have an escape plan, I did, and I needed it. So, get all the help you can get for YOU, forget his stuff. You understand that part, I am sure, so concentrate on how to get out, if things do not get better. Just a little "snippet" of advice that I needed to hear years ago.

  • Going thruhell.22May it sounds as though you need some support.Do you have family who could intercede and back you up?your partner can only help him-self as you probably know.His mother is obviously blinding her-self to the situation.You have a great deal to deal with.Are there any services available to you which could alleviated the situation and help take some of the stress off you.I live in US and unfortunately am not familiar with any organizations available.Your GP should in all probability be able to give you some pointers.If I lived near I would offer help as you are in such a bind.Keep your spirit up and know we are all behind you I am sure someone on this site may know something which might be helpful.Hope this makes sense have had no sleep for several nights.

  • Thankyou...sleep?? Whats that??? It all made sense and yes I hv reached out in many directions for help...thanku all for ur support...

  • Going thruhell.You have beautiful manners,also you seem to have a sensible grasp of the situation as it appears to be settling down somewhat.If it is any cancellation my mother in law once told my mother that everyone who met me thought I was the most terrible person they had ever met and had no friends.this despite my house being full at the time.You can imagine the response.It is best to ignore the spiteful unpleasantness.I always attribute this sort of stuff to jealousy.After all one has taken their offspring who has to some extent put her outside the circle. Hold strong.

  • You have to take care of yourself first. I WAS married to an alcoholic/drug addict. He went thru rehab 3 times and it never stuck with him. So, as I said I WAS married to him for 12 years, but had to go my own way to keep myself mentally healthy. Sorry about your breathing issues. My mother has COPD, asthma, and is 88, so she has a rough time. I understand. x

  • Thanku all for replying....my hubby has not been physically abusive however each time he relapses he is getting more and more obnoxious,arrogant and verbally abusive.. he throws his weight around puffing out his chest " what are u gonna do?" ....i feel like because he blacks out ( so he says) he thinks no matter what he puts me and the kids thru he can jus say sorry and its all ok...and i suppose it has been as we r still together.... he has not been held accountable for any of his actions... my fault for enabling...but no more...my physical...mental and spiritual health has declined in such a way that i kno i need to step up and hold him accountable jus feel like if i say the wrong thing he will neck himself....he has chronic depression and has attempted twice once landing him in a coma for two weeks and then hvin to learn how to walk n talk again so wen he threatens to end it...i believe him

  • Going they hellI feel very badly for you as it seems one thing after another.As long as you keep on running things he seems to be willing to be waited on.Your children need some help in your situation It is not at all ideal growing up with this hanging over them.Think about it. They are the future.Weare all here to back you up.

  • Also is there anything in the house which might be triggering your asthma.When my children were young they had persistent strep throats the pediatrician said when I asked if it could be coming from my Scottish terriers No.well I made my spouse take swabs and sure enough one of them was passing it on.After large doses of antibiotics it was all cleared up.for one and all.

  • Thanks for your reply... i hv high allergy to mould and get very sick with migraine and flu like symptoms...i usually just have to pour bleech down the drains and check the cornice in bathroom for mouldy flecks...if i handle mushroom compost i get ill...i hv gathered the ppl in my support network and explained things... agencies that help chronically ill ppl or ppl with mental health issues...i hv a team supporting me and my kids...update on hubby... hes in the loungeroom...yay got my bed back...lol...i am still very manic but i can tell my body is exhausted...got on epilem to slow me down...hmmm...still waiting...psych app again on thurs...projects on the go at my house;

    Beaded lightshade

    Mural on sons wall

    Painting front door red

    Worm farm

    Veggie patch

    Up cycling a medicine cabinet

    New blinds in bed

    Feature wall in main room

    Painting hall and sticking up owl sticker decor thingys

    Weeding pruning and mulching

    Laying brick footpath

    Renovating bathroom

    Jus a few things my manic head tells me i need to do...lol

  • Sgoingthru hellJune3If you complete half your projects you have made progress and show great courage facing your problems.Taking careof a household would make grown me weepMy printer seems to have run amok.Can,t delete the extra wordswe know.

  • Thanks retren...😊

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