A month ago I had a panic attack in the middle of the store. I had been getting them more frequently, but never as bad as that day. I decided to go to the ER, as I couldn’t get my heart to slow and felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. (Little bg: been a smoker for 19 years, about a pack a day. I’ve been traveling around the states for the last 3 years and am currently in California. All of my family and friends are back east. My panic attacks or anxiety has gotten worse over the past few months.) Back to present, in the ER they gave me a chest x-ray and blood work up. The doctor gave me a vitamin B injection (said that could be causing my dizziness) and a script for Xanax. I don’t really like taking pills but they do seem to help calm me down when I start to feel anxious. When I followed up with my PCP 2 weeks later she gave me the results of my chest x-ray & blood work. She stated my x-ray was normal, but showed MILD COPD changes. Blood work was fine. As soon as she mentioned COPD I knew it was time to give up what I loved most, and I knew it was going to be harder than anything I’ve ever done. I am 5 days in and I am doing this cold turkey with no support from anyone. I have GAD, which is a form of anxiety/panic attacks, that hit throughout the day over anything and everything. I’m an over thinker, which doesn’t help the situation. I started experiencing dizziness before I quit smoking and found the doctor believes I have a bad case of vertigo. This dizziness hits hard and honestly scares the crap out of me. Nothing helps, and when I spin the anxiety kicks in. I feel as though I’m on a merry go round and can’t get off. The first thing I think about is having a cigarette to help the anxiety but I no longer have that option. Day 4 was horrible. I was very moody, irritable and the cravings just kept on coming. I’ve been having vivid dreams and waking up in sweats. Basically, I’m a total mess. I haven’t left my house. I can’t tell if I’m feeling better or getting worse at this point. The dizziness is holding me hostage to the point I don’t go anywhere. Today day 5 I find myself crying and emotional on and off, just waves of anxiety and depression. I keep trying to think how much better I will be if I stay a non smoker. This is what has gotten me through 5 days. Being alone makes it a lot harder, but I know if someone was here with me I’d probably just be a major b*tch and full of anger and attitude. I just want to feel better. I miss being outside. I miss traveling. i read that after the first week it gets easier, but at this point I can’t imagine a day where I won’t ever want a cigarette.