Larry is home: He’s sitting on the shelf in... - PSP Association

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Larry is home

Jeff166
Jeff166
50 Replies

He’s sitting on the shelf in the living room. It feels good to have him back. No idea what will be done with his ashes. The idea has not presented itself as of this time. I will know when I know.

The place that handled the cremation is in a rather rough part of Philadelphia. The building itself is mid 19th century. Someone’s old stone mansion. The whole property is surrounded by a 12’ high fence with concertina wire on top.

Parked in the rear of the place. Walked around to the front door. There was a cell phone number on one of the double doors. I opened the left door of the double doors and we walked in. Wandered a bit trying to find someone. Found the office and they seemed shock to see us. Asked us how we got in. Said we walked right in. One of the staff hustled out to lock the doors. I suppose the doors were locked when we got there. Larry knew we were coming and he let us in. I can tell now we are never going to be apart.

I seem to have pneumonia now. Started medication for it yesterday. Felt a bit better today.

50 Replies
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Tippyleaf

Dear Jeff

Hope the antibiotics kick in and you soon feel better. You must be exhausted.

I have no idea what to do with my husband’s ashes - we discussed so many details but not that. As you say we will know when we know.

Do take care of yourself

Love and hugs

Tippy

Xxx

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to Tippyleaf

The drugs have already helped over night which is why I made a point of getting to my doctors office when I realized this wasn't only my mild asthma acting up.

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Kellsbelles

Gosh Jeff. I am so sorry to hear about Larry! Also, I’m sorry to hear you’re not well. I hope you feel better soon! X

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to Kellsbelles

The antibiotic seems to be working. I should not have done the running around I did today.

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Kellsbelles
Kellsbelles
in reply to Jeff166

Glad the antibiotics are working. Sounds like you need to put your feet up and do some resting. Best wishes x

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Yvonneandgeorge

Jeff happy the antibiotics are working, you should start to feel better soon, take it easy rest rest!!!!! You will know what to do with the ashes when the time is right. Look after yourself xxxx Yvonne xxxx

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doglington

I understand that. I hadn't thought about it either. For ages I carried them around in the boot of the car. It was a sort of family joke !

Now I have them at home. Every now and then we scatter some in a significant place.

I can't believe how much there is -

He was tall.

I have realised that I won't want to let all of him go. I have also been really dilatary at getting rid of his possessions.

We all need to do it our way !!

Love Jean xx

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Ratcliffe

I was the same, I brought David’s ashes home and there they sat in the corner of the bedroom for almost eighteen months.

As Larry said, you’ll know when pen you know.

By sheer fluke, I’d subconsciously? Booked our favourite hotel in Malta for a holiday and was going to be there on what would have been David’s 80th birthday, so I took a small tub of his ashes and spread them on a hilltop in Malta overlooking the part of the Island that we always stayed in.

I still have the remainder in the house. I want to get a bit of jewellery with some in, but I’m not a ring wearer, so it’s going to have to be a pendant, but I haven’t seen one I like yet.

Just leave them where they are for now, he’s quite happy there, at home with you....

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doglington

Yes. That's what I think. It will happen when it's right.

Xx

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Dadshelper

Sounds like Larry knew you coming to pick him up and had the door unlocked for you :)

We had dad's ashes for nearly a year before he was buried next to his parents and brother in the small country town we are from. I truly believe there are now more souls in the cemetery then living in the town.

Ron

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Sarah1972

Hope you feel better soon xx I’m going to keep mums ashes and when my dad passes I will put her in with him so the truly will be together forever xx

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honjen43

Sorry to hear you are not well. You must now take care of yourself, Jeff! Pleased the meds are being effective. I had pneumonia in 2006 and spent a week in hospital - and I am usually a healthy person. Eat a little at least 3-4 times a day, and rest! Do the things you want to do, and have not been able to find time for.

I still have hubby's ashes at home, too!

Hugs

Jen xxx

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enjoysalud

Thank you for the photo, for the story at the crematorium/mortuary/funeral home, and so sorry that you have pneumonia............but to be expected. Funny how are bodies hold up through all that needs to be done and then CRASH. It took me a full year for my body to recover......it fell apart after the memorial was done.

What gives you comfort...............regarding Larry's remains. It comforts me to see him in the bookcase.

You have inspired me to do a post of my son's journey from the crematorium.

Tired........................will do a post this weekend or Monday.

Hugs and thoughts..........

Margarita..Los Angeles, CA, USA

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to enjoysalud

I had the option to fall apart. I think the pneumonia had been lurking for sometime. I had been feeling particularly run down.

It will take time for my body to get over what I asked of it over the 4 years and 8 months of care giving. A year sounds about right.

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Dickenson2

It is now time to take good care of yourself. Hope the antibiotics soon make you feel better. My friend who lost her husband earlier this year had some of his ashes put into a ring and a bracelet so she feels he is always with her x

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Northstar1

Hi Jeff hope you feel better soon xx.

In the USA do you have a service at the crem? are you allowed to attend ?.

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to Northstar1

I didn’t do any service. I don’t intend to do anything. I am finding the people who cared about him are getting in touch with me by phone, email, snail mail and in person. That actually works better for me. I don’t like crowds or being the focus of attention.

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Northstar1
Northstar1
in reply to Jeff166

I fully understand that. I have friends and friends of friends who have taken a similar approach. My friends husband when he was dying told her to send him to the cream and no service. It's personal choice xxx

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Laurel54
Laurel54
in reply to Jeff166

I feel the same way. Such occasions are difficult under the best of circumstances....and unthinkable when one is reeling from a tremendous loss.

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Katiebow

Hope you're feeling a tad better now guess you are run down and susceptible to getting ill, look after yourself. I still have most of Bens ashes sitting on the cupboard and feel comfortable with that, have scattered some and have ideas of where to scatter others but in no hurry. Sometimes I pat the box and ask how he's doing, never expected to feel OK with such behaviour, would have thought it weird before all this stuff happened. Strange how old world!

Take care

Kate xxx

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to Katiebow

I had a friend who’s husband died at age 55. She kept his ashes on the living room mantelpiece. When she had a bad day she would turn him upside down for not being there.

I am very happy to have Larry’s ashes in my view as I sit here typing this to you.

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Laurel54

Not surprised you’ve wound up with pneumonia after all you’ve been through. As Margarita observed, amazing how the body can stave off illness when it needs to....but eventually the strain catches up. Wish I lived close enough to drop off some chicken soup.

Your experience at the crematorium reminded me of my own when I picked up my mother’s ashes at a no frills crematorium in a rough part of Detroit. The place had been recommended by hospice and I actually was fine with it — I was so exhausted at that point (both parents failing at once) that if I’d had to deal with some smarmy undertaker trying to sell me all the bells and whistles of a traditional funeral and burial, I think I would have lost it then and there. The simple, almost matter-of-fact nature of just picking up the plain box in a plastic bag and putting it next to me on the passenger seat was an unexpected comfort. Mom now sits in a vase on my dad’s

kitchen table (he managed to survive his crisis). When he goes, I’ll combine them and maybe get a spot in one of those “green” cemeteries. Meanwhile, her ashes are a part of everyday life, which feels right.

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to Laurel54

I made chicken soup Thursday. Great minds think alike. A friend stopped over with some she had picked up in a family owned Italian deli.

The hospice social worker recommended this place as a no fills place she said she would use for her family.

Diane, Larry’s cousin, just love the 12’ high fence with the concertina wire surrounding the place. Said Larry would like it as well. He probably would.

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Dianajeanann

I have already decided what I will do with my husband‘s ashes when the time comes. We have been together for 53 years and I’m not going to separate us now. I’m going to keep him here with me in the house that we built together by the lake.

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Jeff166

No need to travel to be with him. He’s right there.

Will you have both your ashes spread on the lake shore or scatter them on the lake?

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Dianajeanann

I haven’t thought that far ahead but I like your idea of spreading them on the lake shore. That way we would be between the house we loved and the lake we enjoyed so much. I hope you continue to be with us on this site as you have a wonderful way with words. Relaying your experiences with the birds, police, etc. Maybe you could write a book?

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Jeff166

Writing a book is real work. Years of effort with little to no guaranty anyone would read it. I transcribed a friends journals who I had known for 18 years before he died. It took me three years of work spread over tens years to do it. It was self published as a memorial to him. It is of little interest to others. I have a copy on my iPad. He's now been dead 25 years. When I want to visit with the old grouch I reread his journals.

I am toying with painting again. Start with drawing to get things moving. It's been decades since I have done either. Oh, how the prices of the supplies have shot up over the last 50 years.

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Dianajeanann

You are so talented. I am sure you will find some way to channel that talent and honor your partner’s life.

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mjtogether

Jeff, so sorry to hear you are not feeling well; but happy you are on the mend. Take care of yourself!

I definitely feel Larry had something to do with that door opening.

Neither Mike nor I want a service when our time comes. It's ironic how many of the friends and family who are still concerned have dimished greatly. The ones who have left us will be the ones who ask about a service....but all Mike wanted was a phone call or visit now and then; he could care less if you come see his ashes. Tell him what a great guy he is now, not after he's gone.

But i know we will be together. We have asked our daughter to mix our ashes together and scatter them in 3 or 4 of our favorite places if possible.

As you say, you will know what to do when the time is right.

Take care of your self. I will check up on you in a few days!

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Laurel54
Laurel54
in reply to mjtogether

My mom had psp and almost everyone in the family dropped by the wayside, saying it depressed them to see her that way. Very galling when they suddenly wanted to pull out all the stops with a lavish funeral. I agree with you — if you want to pay tribute, do it while they’re still here.

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aliciamq
aliciamq
in reply to Laurel54

Agree with you both! Best friends have disappeared! They couldn't bother with a phone call. I'm not feeding them😄

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racinlady

I'm glad you're feeling better Jeff. It's not surprising that you got sick when the pressure to perform lessened. It's what mothers do when their children are sick. It always seems like mom's the last one to get sick.

On another note, I am so glad to know how you and so many others made the same decision I did to not have a service for my husband. Ed hated funerals and those of us closest to him knew that. He would have been horrified to think there would be a funeral or memorial service for him. I'm also waiting to decide what to do with his ashes and when to do it. I, too, feel like I'll know when I know.

Get well soon and don't overdo it. Pneumonia can be pretty stubborn and is still very dangerous.

Pat

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to racinlady

I did go out shopping unsuccessfully today and felt the worse for wear on getting home. Napped poorly due to the steroid I was also given. Hope to sit still tomorrow. I may need to do another trip to the doctor this coming week if this doesn’t get much better soon.

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Kevin_1

Hi Jeff

You two are totally wicked!

I'm glad Larry is home.

You, pneumonia? I guess I'm not surprised. You ran yourself into the ground... Driven by so much love.

I am a little tearful thinking of you both.

So very warmly

Kevin

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to Kevin_1

I had a cold which opened the door to pneumonia. It I had a chance to recuperate properly it probably wouldn’t have happened. Part of the respite stay for Larry was to get my health back together to carry on. As he succumb to his disease I did to mine.

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Kevin_1
Kevin_1
in reply to Jeff166

Hmm, No surprise there with you both going down together.

Wishing you well Jeff.

Do keep posting here. I and many value your presence here a lot.

Warmly

Kevin

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doglington
doglington
in reply to Jeff166

Hope you are improving now Jeff - although I actually felt old, frail and vulnerable for about a year after Chris died. I'd been so strong and it went with him !

I'm still old unfortunately !

Love Jean xx

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to doglington

I am definitely feeling older. His care was a lot of wear and tear on my body and mind. It took a toll. I don’t have youth or even middle age to bounce back. I suppose this is a new plateau for me.

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doglington
doglington
in reply to Jeff166

Yes. You know you are worn out but now realise quite how worn out one can get !

Chill - - -

X

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to doglington

I am trying to sit still. It isn’t easy. There is so much to do. The lack of energy is making it a bit easier to do nothing. A nap seem imminent.

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mjtogether
mjtogether
in reply to Jeff166

Wow, your comment describes so many of us. But you have to take care of yourself.....please try and rest often.

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crab2093

Difficult times for you. Take care. It is a long road that sometimes you wonder how you keep going. Glad to hear you are looking to the future. Painting sounds like a good start.

cheers... val

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to crab2093

First I should clean and organize this place again. It sort of in chaos.

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Nanny857

Sorry to hear you're not well. Glad the antibiotics have kicked in. Rest now and take care of yourself.

Lots of love Nanny857xx

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SewBears

It seems like Larry is where he belongs for now. He’s looking over you while you recover from having looked after him. I can picture you talking to him and I can see Larry smiling back at you.

My parents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and then my mom passed away shortly after the party. My dad held onto my moms ashes, she passed away ten years ago today. My parents asked that their ashes be mixed together and then scattered in Glacier Park, Montana. Dad passed away 4 years later and I followed through with their request. Glacier park is stunningly beautiful! I took tons of photos and had a canvas print made with the words “at peace” at the bottom of the canvas. The picture is lovely and I find myself saying hello to the painting/print often. It’s odd that I’m writing this on my mom’s tenth year of her passing away.

If I outlast my hubby I would like to be able to hike Half Dome, Yosemite CA and scatter his ashes at the top. He and I did the hike twice in our youth and it seems fitting to revisit that. I might not be physically able to do it but it’s nice to think about.

Jeff, I enjoyed your description of the crematorium and how Larry opened the gates (u-hum door) for you. Yes, you were meant to never be apart. Larry will always have a special place in your heart. Be well and live for the both of you. That’s what Larry would want. ❤️

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to SewBears

Larry’s father’s goal was to make it to their 60th anniversary. He died shortly after.

I am exhausted thinking of you hiking Half Dome to scatter ashes. Maybe they do helicopters.

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SewBears
SewBears
in reply to Jeff166

Or donkey rides, lol

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Jeff166
Jeff166
in reply to SewBears

More likely donkeys.

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Skye04

Hi Jeff...my husband passed away in February (not PSP) but I have his ashes here in a 'scattering tube'...my sons have scattered some of his ashes in meaningful places...Nashville where he loved to visit...Scotland where he was born...and we plan to scatter some in Liverpool in December when we attend a soccer game..his favorite team...at the bottom of our garden ..etc. I never 'planned' this but it is just happening and my kids are so happy to 'take him' with them to special places!! Just a thought!! Liz

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Ticketyboo555

Oh Jeff, its always the way. We are strong for a long long time and then when we stop our body gives up.

I'm glad the antibiotics are working.

Be good to yourself, Larry is watching over you now.

Big hugs

Sue x

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