Lost my father

[Naz001]

Morning all hope your all well especially your loved ones. I lost my dad to PSP last year May. He was 59. He was disgnosed with illness after a few years misdiagnosis of Parkinsons. It was heart breaking to say good bye to him as I felt we had so much to say to each other and so much to do. Yet I find splice in the fact I had my head on his chest and hand shield when he passed away. Since I haven't been able to pick myself up and carry on and I was wondering if this is how some of you felt after the passing of your loved one. Due to the illness our loved ones had or am I suffering from depression or maybe just beating myself up? I can't seem it figure it out by myself.

[NannaB]

Hi Naz,

I’m so sorry your dad left you at such an early age. Grief is a very personal thing and everyone of us is different. Some of us do our grieving whilst nursing our loved ones for years so the end is almost a release when we know they are no longer suffering. We never stop loving them but know they would want us to have a good, happy productive life for whatever time we have left. Some can’t shake off that deep sadness and are living under a black cloud. Some feel fine one day and the next, back to square one.

Having friends to talk to and laugh with helped me and as many of my friends are in the same situation it helped them as well. Maybe a counsellor could help via your GP who could diagnose if you are depressed. If you are in the U.K. as the weather is improving hopefully it will also lift your spirits, walking in the sunshine always makes many feel better.

I don’t know your family/friends/work situation but hope you will seek help from someone and soon be able to enjoy life again. There will always be moments of sadness, when you hear a piece of music, smell certain smells, visit places that remind you of your dad but hopefully soon you will be able to remember the good things with a smile.

Very best wishes.

XxxX

[Dadshelper]

Everyone grieves at their own pace and style. I lost dad in Sept 2018. I grieved for a bit then felt a sense of relief as he was no longer suffering. Try remembering the good times you had with your father, not what PSP did to him.

Ron

[Hidden]

Grief is very hard. There is nothing in life to prepared for it. The closer you are to someone the worse it is. It will take time to get over your father’s death. His being 59 is very tough. This site is a good place to express your grief. Lots of people here know very well how you feel.

[Marie_14]

Naz so sorry that you are struggling. I am aware there are others in the same place you are. I lost my husband 2 years ago and still miss him everyday. I don't know if it will get better but so far I seem to go around in circles. Some days are better than others. Someone mentioned the sun cheering you up. Perhaps it will? Last year I hardly went out in the sun. I will go out this year though. My promise to me! Need the vitamin D if nothing else!

I broke my wrist before Xmas and have been going to physio. Last time I asked the other women who go if they fancied going for a coffee. They all had husband's coming to collect them! 😕 Anyway it wasn't in vain, as we are going to have a coffee this week. So be cheeky and ask people to go for a coffee if they don't ask you. Being with people cheers me up and it will do the same for you I am sure. Remember you are not alone. So many of us have broken hearts which will probably never heal. However we will hopefully learn to accept. We wouldn't want our loved ones suffering, and I am sure I speak for everyone when I say that. Take care of yourself.

Marie x

[Naz001 in reply to Marie_14]

I feel exact the same. Some days I just get thru others seem like a very hard struggle to get thru. I spent all my life working since 16 and spent majority of time at work. While they were ill I stayed with him as much as I could but still went to work and look after the bills and so on. I have a very big regret which is time. I feel I didn't spend enough time with him. Never knew him as much as I could have. I don't know. Maybe it is just me and time will heal. I wish u all the best and my sincerest of sympathies upon your loss...

[doglington in reply to Naz001]

I nursed my husband at home and know I did all I could and he felt loved but when I feel low I feel it was not enough. It's a normal stage of grieving

Don't be hard on yourself.

Love Jean xx

[doglington]

I agree with all the wise words above.

I think that losing your parent too soon also increases the pain of what might have been and that loss.

Talking to a counsellor will help you to understand and express this loss.

Also, whenever we have a major loss it can stir up previous losses and that can confuse things.

Its perfectly normal to feel as you do. Its 16 months since my husband died and I still feel overwhelmed at times.

I know your dad would want you to be happy.

love from Jean x

[AngelineAmy]

Sorry for your loss.

[Hiking13]

It’s very hard isn’t it, I lost my husband in Dec to PSP and he was only 58 and I think it’s the fact that there was so much we had planned to do that we won’t now be able to do that really gets to me sometimes but I am planning to do some of those things myself as I feel that Steve will always be with me anyway. So maybe try and do something you know your dad would have enjoyed and most of all remember he would want you to be happy. But sending you big hugs as I know just how hard this is . Xx

[Naz001]

Thanks to every1 for your replies. You are an awesome bunch. I feel as if am going round and round. Maybe I do need a counsellor or more time to grieve. Yet I thank u all for your personal insight.

[HilsandR]

Hi Naz, maybe you are struggling with guilt, the emotion that I would say just about everyone on this site has wrestled with at some point during their journey in caring for a loved one. In your case guilt because you were not able to give your dad the time you would have liked, we don't live in an ideal world unfortunately. Your dad would have understood your time limitations for sure. People will tell you to ditch the guilt, which is easier said than done. At some point along the way you will make peace with yourself but I always say, guilt only becomes a problem in grieving if you can't let it go and it starts to impact your life in as much as you cease to function as you would normally. Your grieving process is still in early stages but only you know how much it is impacting you on a daily basis. Do seek help via your GP sooner rather than later if you feel you won't get through this on your own. Sadly, we live in a society where grief is not addressed, people don't know how to react to the person grieving, and once the funeral is over you are supposed to be ok and that makes life easier for all not having to address it. Maybe something that should be taught in schools, after all, everyone on this planet will have to grieve at some point and help another who is grieving. It's obvious to me that you loved your dad otherwise you wouldn't have come on this site for support so you have already made a giant step in your healing journey. Best wishes. HilsandR

[Jonathan_Torreon]

Hi Naz,

I'm sorry for your lost. But please live your life to the fullest, I know every dad in the world that's what they want for their son. Bring all the best memories of you with your dad and take one step at a time to head on to the future. Everything will change day by day but the memories of your dad will never be forgotten. Remember every laugh and happiness you felt from now on makes your dad smiles from above.

Enjoy your life and make new happy memories Naz!

Jonathan from Philippines

[Katiebow]

I too lost my husband last May aged 66yrs, it's strange but it seems only yesterday but a million yrs away all at the same time. I'm still trying to visualise him pre PSP but my image is still of a very poorly man unable to communicate with me. I have many good support friends around me but nearly all are still with partners/husbands and don't truly understand the complete sense of loss, this was even the case well before he died. You are obviously much younger and so your friends will find it more difficult to understand your sense of loss as they get on with their busy lives. I suggest speaking with your GP along with seeking a councillor ( the hospice councillors are the experts in this field)

Hoping that the dark cloud lifts soon and you can get back to living your life and just be left with the fond memories and lack of guilt.

Much love

Kate xx

[MartyBo]

So sorry for your loss. He was so young! As one who suffers from depression, it is most surely from your loss. Please don't beat yourself up as I'm sure you did your best for him. Time is the healer but a little help (medication) is always helpful. Sending wonderful thoughts and lots of hugs! 🤗

[Caretaker101]

Naz

I feel your grief especially since your dad was so young. I lost my husband on the 17th to this dreadfull illness. Aspirational pneumonia took him away. He suffered so much, I was praying to the Divine to end his suffering. And when the end came, I was left empty, with my dearest Purushottam gone. Its 13 days now.It looks like a long lonely journey