The past 3 mornings I have gotten up at 5:00 am, with anxiety coursing through my body! I feel so regretful that we moved here in some ways and in other ways I feel it’s where I should be....talk about who is in confusion!!
I find it almost impossible to get his long sorted affair off my mind.....I was such a complete fool to not see what was right in front of me! I know I can not go forward looking in the rear view mirror, but oh my gosh it is hard because I can not have a normal conversation with him about anything relivent so so difficult...
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JubileeRanch
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15 Replies
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Truth is this situation would be horrid even if you had a blissful marriage for years. Your sleep issues & confusion would still be a frustrating part of your life. I wish you well as you figure out how to find your peace of mind. . . It is different for each of us. I bake cookies & throw axes during times of stress.
Sending you hugs of encouragement Jubilee... Granni B
I wish I had words of wisdom or comfort that could offer you peace. Is there someone you could talk to a counsellor, church leader or the like??? Sometimes talking through these experiences can be helpful.With love and hugs
Yes I have a therapist....this sight is so helpful because only those going through the PSP devil can understand how hard it can and then having my added stress is just horrible.
I don't know of any great wisdom to deal with the situation you face.
You have two good responses here already.
I will just share some thoughts.
Emotionally it is quite complex. Could it be that you are having to care for someone who you feel betrayed you? And, caring is so consuming. Sometimes I felt a little resentment that I had no life at all. All my energy and time was taken up with caring and feelings of loss from the dreadful incremental deterioration of the one I love. You must have some of that and have to cope with thoughts and feelings from his affair. Worse still he can nolongeer discuss it with you. So a resolution and any repair is denied you.
I would often wake feeling stressed and anxious because I knew I was getting up to face heartache and hard work.
There are some things which folk here have said, in the past, which help.
Yes, counselling and baking cookies, I would tend to chop logs rather than throw axes, I would be likely to injure someone
It helps to understand the mechanism of anxiety. There is the stimulus call that a fear of something. Which makes the hypothalamus release hormones, which in turn tightens up the body in that horrid fluttery anxiety feeling. The mind (cortex) then senses the bodies tenseness and thinks that there really is a danger (which comes from fear) so it puts more hormones out and the anxiety persists. There is another feedback loop. When the body relaxes it signals to the brain that the threat is over and the hypothalamus stops putting the hormones out quite so much. So the task is to break this loop.
Based on the above there are things you can do to lessen the anxiety.
1 Identify precisely what fear is causing it. What are you dreading. Sit with yourself and let thoughts flow through. You might not get it at first. Usually sleeping on it allows it to emerge. Counselling is good to identify this too. Don't force it.
2 A 'mantra' can help too. Mine varies but it is something like this, "Things are what they have become, I cannot change that. I will accept that and do what must be done."
3 Mindfulness helps a lot. I have an app. on my phone which randomly makes a noise like a temple bell. When it sounds I stop what I'm doing and for just 10 seconds I make my self mindful of what I am doing, the environment around me, my body and how I feel. There's lot's of good stuff on this on the internet. Essentially mindfulness is grounding, stopping thoughts and being in our bodies.
4 Relaxing activities which require you to focus on them, baking, a puzzle, whatever works for you.
5 Exercise, a good walk, an exercise bike, whatever. This does two things, it releases those relaxing endomorphines and takes the tension out of the muscles causing a feedback to the cortex/mind that things are OK. Simple stretching exercises has the same effect and it is quite easy to pause and do a couple.
6 Making sure not to run yourself down with tiredness. Get such rest as you can. Caring is tough.
7 Getting time away from caring, if you can, and being with people. Caring can be very isolating and we humans don't often do well without others.
You really need to start some therapy for yourself. You need to sort through how to come to terms with his betrayal. And, the fact that you have ended up taking care of him. You need to start putting yourself, and your well being, top priority.
I agree with the others. You are having to deal with two major adjustments. The whole of your life has collapsed and needs re-assessing. A good therapist will help you to find yourself. It takes time and is a painful experience. Then you will be better equipped to know how you feel and what you want for your future.
Its hard enough when PSP is diagnosed and we suddenly find we are on a different road.
I'm glad you have found this site to support you.
Love and support from Jean xx
He’s hurt you deeply. You need to decide if you are going to forgive him or not. Only you will know that answer. Care giving take a physical and emotion toll. If you resent him now and don’t get it resolved thing could get very ugly for both of you.
Hi JubileeRanch I’m sorry I’m going to be very blunt because this is the most horrible desease I have ever had to deal with
if it was my husband I would be asking the other person in the affair if they would like him now ? If you decide that’s not the way then live your life and just do what you need to do for him which is everything I know my husband can’t walk ! or even get himself a drink
but sometimes we have to detach ourselves from them that’s how I deal with It I’ve had to deal with my husbands PS P
Now for about 6 years now he can’t do anything I do everything for him god bless you
Believe me I have thought of pinning a note to the back of his shirt and putting him on her front porch....her husband has no idea about any of this....it’s a sad, sad thing.....
he says he is so so so sorry and wants forgiveness, I can do that, but as far as she is concerned nope just not there....
this is the ONE thing I have told many people over the years “thank the Lord he would NEVER cheat on me”. He is just not a womanizer never has been... but he has a huge ego, he has told me she complimented him ALL the time....she definitely went after him even though she was married too....it’s disgusting!
I will manage as long as I can and then he will go to a home...do I want to yank every hair on her head out??? YES!!!! And yes she got him in his healthy years, he was indifferent and ignored me physically and now I have a handicapped older man....she is a witch and evil no other word for her.....
Oh dear, I am so very sorry to leave rn that you have this to deal with as well as PSP.. You must feel so betrayed especially after you had always believed him not to be a man to do this. May I ask how long it is since the affair finished?
If you would prefer to answer this privately, do pm me
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