Made it home

[Martha_k_uk]

I made it home and spend a few hours with dad.

He is unable to swallow or speak but he is on pain relief so is relatively relaxed (apart from those damned hands).

Every so often he stops breathing and looks like he's choking/struggling - that is hard to watch.

I can't believe what a struggle we've had to get him some decent end of life care for him (I'll post about that separately), but we seem to have it now so that's all that matters.

We now need to work out a plan for staying with him. The nursing home have said they can accommodate us however we wish - in shifts, overnight, whatever we need.

I'd love it if my mum could share the same bed with him again albeit briefly - do you think this is silly? She already missed him so much.

Anyway, thanks for listening - I wish I'd found this group sooner - you are the only ones who truly understand so thank you xx

[Zeberdee]

If your mum could snuggle up for even a short time and told him how much he was loved I am certain it would make your dad feel even more loved and wanted. It isn’t silly because those of us who have lost our loved ones have done exactly that and those cuddles are priceless. My hubby seemed at times like he stopped breathing and so I know the pain you and your family are feeling. My thoughts are with you. Love Jxx

[Hidden]

(((( hugs)))) to you and your mom.

Dee

[Satt2015]

Not at all silly, ask the nurses to arrange, they will, I’m sure! Hugs x

[Yvonneandgeorge in reply to Satt2015]

Yes don’t think you are being silly ask nurses to arrange it for your mum xxxxx

[Tippyleaf]

Sending love and hugs

Tippy

[NannaB]

It’s not silly for your mum to get into bed with your dad. I know several folk on this site have snuggled up to their partners before it was too late. My darling even managed a chuckle as I got into his hospital bed and pulled the side up so I didn’t fall out. We both dozed of, me cuddling him. The problem was, we were alone and it took a very long time for me to get out of the bed as being in a very cramped position, I couldn’t get at the right angle to put the side down. He was within days of leaving me but I could tell he found it very amusing.

At least your mum will have people nearby so go for it. It will benefit them both.

XxxX

[Martha_k_uk]

She did it - she's been there on and off all day- I even got a nice photograph of them cuddling ❤

[Spiralsparkle]

Much love to you all.

Unfortunately I can believe the struggles youve had. Palliative and end of life care is sadly lacking greatly in many areas of the UK. It shouldn't be this way at all.

So pleased your Mum managed a cuddle. I hope this time together will provide love and peace for all.

Thinking of you. I hope you are blessed with a peaceful time and able to spend quality time xxx

[teej]

Hi Martha, I was with Mum for her last day and towards the end she had many long pauses between breaths. She must have taken about 100 Hollywood style dramatic "last breaths " only to gasp again and keep breathing maybe 30 seconds later. I gave her so many cuddles and can't tell you how much that means to me now she is gone. The cuddles are priceless, so lovely for your mum to get a good cuddle in xxx love to you all xxx

[Martha_k_uk in reply to teej]

Thanks teej. I am on tonight's shift, sitting here watching him, holding his hand.

We have had a couple of moments like that today, but he is peaceful now.

Nil by mouth since Tuesday, minimal fluid - even teaspoon of thickened liquid is causing problems so we are just keeping his mouth clean with swabs.

I can't help but ask myself how much longer he will go on...in the meantime we wait x

[raincitygirl in reply to Martha_k_uk]

It must feel like a lifetime in the last few days.

Hugs for this hard hard time... XXX

Anne G.