My wife/partner/love of my life, slipped away on 18 November 2017. Four weeks ago last Saturday.
To say I am devastated/lost/upset in an understatement.
I feel an ache in my chest, yet I feel numb.
The day of her death, was a mixture of calmness, horror, and an hour of final calmness before she died. I saw things I cannot unsee, an overwhelming feeling of nausea accompanies me 24 hours a day.
What is the point of this terrible, terrible disease?
Since the funeral (6 December 2017) there is no point to anything. I have the joys of probate to work out an go through. I have yet to cry, grief is locked up inside of me. I speak to people, smile and look "normal" (..... well as normal as I'm ever going to look). Yet inside my head I am falling apart and feel scared.
The noises of the PEG machine, air mattress, and laterally oxygen machine which I hated with a passion, are now gone, silence remains. Oh how I miss the noises.
14 years, 2 months, 5 days of being together ......... gone in a flash.
Would I go through the same with her, if I could? Too right I would.