Hi, just thought you would all appreciate this little story.
At the end of Steve's funeral, his grandson pipes up, "has anybody read the will yet?" We hadn't even pulled out of the Crem!!! Later it turned out that he wanted to know if his Grandad had left him his Ice Axe. What he thought was an axe was in fact was a grap rail, that helped Steve in and out of the car. His proper Ice Axe is 10 times bigger than what young Archie thought he wanted. (Steve was a rock climber)
It was his 12th birthday today, so between me and his father, we got Steve's axe, had it mounted on a rather large piece of wood, with a picture of Archie and Steve, taken a few years ago and got a little plaque with Steve's signature engraved on it. I gave it to him, saying it was from his grandfather, he looked at it and came and gave me a hug, but couldn't let go, he was so obviously sobbing, which set me off and his Mum and Dad!
This is a child that I thought didn't really know his grandfather, his father hid from the illness, therefore Steve didn't see much of them. How wrong was I? how wrong was Steve's son, keeping his son from his Grandfather? Children have a way of cutting through the crap and only seeing the things that matter. This young man certainly did, I really, really hope Steve was up there watching Archie tonight, treasuring receiving this precious gift from his Grandfather.
Lots of love
Anne
Written by
Heady
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Anne such a lovely story, children are so unpredictable don't you just love them, I bet his dad is sorry now that he could not except his dad's illness, but hey ho life goes on. At least you can see it Ann, hope you are ok . Yvonne xxxx
You are right Yvonne, life does go on, somehow I am grabbing hold of its coat tails and letting it pull me along. One day I will take control of my life again, until then I just with the flow.
How lovely! Yes children know how to cut through the crap and go right to the heart of the matter. Wish we could keep that through life. What a wonderful gift. Great idea mounting that axe and picture. What a thoughtful grandmother you are. Hugs.
That's so lovely Anne, children certainly have a way of understanding the reality of everything, what a lovely gift to him from his grandad, I'm sure he'll treasure it all his life!
About the same. Getting very bored with the whole silly business and want him to bound through the door demanding full attention and telling me to get a grip!
Anne, Leave it to a child. I know my grand children are extremely upset about loosing their Poppa. They don't say much to me but my Daughter sees it more than I do. Don always said that he wanted our Daughters son to have a ring that belonged to his father. My Daughter said not yet, he is to young and it will only upset him more. Children are funny, they each show their feelings in different ways. You are so right. Stay strong, my heart goes out to you.
When our foster grandson first came to us , Bruce was pretty much into the throes of PSP. He was just beginning to choke on food. But still they ate pizza and ice cream.....and there was actually a few times he told the boy to "pipe down" the common dad term with loud kids. the first thing the boy does when he comes in the house is give grandpa a hug.....There was one time when he wasn't sure if he was going to get grandpas sickness by hugging him. After a talk that grandpa can't make anyone else sick he just shrugged his shoulders gave grandpa a big hug and asked if he could go out and play now as if he'd been waiting patiently for me to stop yakking..
He is here with us now hanging out with grandpa....watching us take care of him hearing the happy memories seeing the tears.....He is taking it all in stride .He may be a bit acting out...but he hasn't been home except once this week and that is hard on everyone!
Thanks Audrey. We felt this was a good way of giving him the Ice Axe now, rather than waiting until he was old enough to receive an extremely dangerous tool. Dread to think the state of his bedroom, if he had access to it now!!!
Anne, It was a very smart thing to do. My daughter and two of my grands came over to pack and donate Don's clothes. I found it very interesting that my grand son took a lot of his shirts. They are very big for him now but he wanted them, so who am I to argue. I was very touched. I still am coughing my head off and very tired. I am thinking that I might go to the Doc this week. I just hate going myself.
Hi, you're brave! Haven't even thought about Steve's clothes yet. I have got rid of all the equipment, that went straight away. All his brand new Christmas gifts I gave to suitable people. Medicines went next and a few little items like the ice axe.
Thinking my wardrobe could do with a serious cull next, haven't got anything decent to wear, not had anywhere to go in recent years. So perhaps I will do Steve's as well. But that's not going to happen for a while yet.
Funny, I've got a niggling cough as well. I am just presuming it goes with the blocked sinuses and constant sore throat and eyes that pour with water, given half a chance!
Anne, Doing his clothes only made me cry more but I waited until the kids left. My daughter just came over yesterday and said we have to. Truthfully I was far from ready and I kept a lot of his shirts for myself. Our daughter was here earlier today with a few things I needed from the market and she was wearing one of his shirts she took. I am thinking it made her feel better but she told me she was watching a show this week where the leading character lost her father. She said she lost it completely. I talk to him morning and night. I hope I am not sick since I feel so freakin weak along with the cough, sniffles, and sneezing. Thinking I should go to the Doc but trying not to. Going back to bed. Head is hurting as well. I am a mess. BTW, did I mention I sold the house?
It's very slow progress, sorting his stuff, when I'm in the mood for tackling it, I sort a couple of items, then start crying, and that's the end of it until I'm in the mood again
Debbie, Right there with you. I am gong to pack a special box for him, when I have the strength to do it. In it will go his personal things, like his telephone book, guess that sounds silly and I don't know what else. I so wish I had a tape of his voice. When he was in rehab and would call me and I couldn't answer the phone, I didn't delete them until he got home. I wish I never had deleted any of them. Just to hear his voice again.
I have videos I took of holidays and at the end we each talked about the holiday. I wish I'd done more Its a great reminder of how he was when relaxed.
I have loads of videos that Steve took on our travels. Haven't dared to look at any yet. He kept up a running commentary on all of them. I did try to get Steve to watch them, not long before he died, but I think by then it was all too painful for him and in fairness me as well. One day! one day!
It is painful. It also brings in reality. I did all the filming but occasionally allowed Chris to do it so I am in them too. Unfortunately these bits have a lot of me saying, " turn it off. you haven't turned it off !" and then us bickering as the picture wobbles.
The kids love these bits so I didn't edit them out. Brings back memories - - -
Jean, Very rarely traveled didn't think that some day something like filming would mean so much to me. Just have photos and not much of those either since Don never liked to take them
So true Heady. Children really do know how to cut through the crap and if given the opportunity will be resilient through the tough times like death ...
So Steve was a climber? cool! Bruce did some climbing but was more inclined to the easy paths of hiking .....NW Arkansas is a great place to weekend hikes or family day outings He and the kids usually found a dry waterfall to traverse...wow I am so glad Archie got to have a special memory ...this might spawn a love for climbing like his grandad had....
AVB
The innocents and the truthfulness of children are wonderful, they are truly much more aware then we ever give them credit for.
Anne that is such a touching and brilliant story and I agree that children do see through things and shouldn't be protecting from seeing their grannny or grandad just because they are ill. Billy our oldest grandson was on his Grumps's knee in the recliner/ riser chair, when I went in the room their was poor Ben just about tipped out of the chair with Billy clinging on to the arms trying not to fall off of his knee. Note to self don't let a 3 yr old loose with remote control. I know Billy really loves his grumps and makes a beeline for him, I can see him puzzling things out but he isn't phased by Ben's illness and just accepts things as they are. I'm so pleased that you now have this lovely memory to keep and are now reassured that Archie really did love and respect his grandad, I too hope that Steve is watching and feeling proud .
That's something Archie never did! He constantly fiddles with everything and was always playing with Steve's chair, but for some reason, not with Grandad in it!
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post Anne! And I couldn't agree more, children don't see things as we do and are very flexible and adjustable! Simply adorable! Archie sounds an absolute delight! X
Our youngest grandson is 10 and used to play cars with P and now when he goes home after a visit he always goes back to give his granddad another kiss, without being prompted in any way. I used to think that he was too young to remember when they played together, but I was wrong. I am glad he has happier memories of earlier times than these recent years.
Omgoodness that was special Anne! Thank you for sharing. And OF COURSE Steve was watching and helping you put that gift together. But as for your son.,. There can be no regrets .... no regrets. He did what he thought was right. Your grandson was able to get his grief out and that was good. But there can be no regrets. Not now.
I find that now that Bill is gone I have settled into a quiet place. Anger is not as much a part of me. It is just not worth it. I find that I am excusing people. I am Catholic and this is the year of mercy. Not sure if that had anything to do with it but I often feel Bills hand on my shoulder when I jump to react. Reconciliation seems to be more worth it now. We don't know how much time we have left in this world, look how young our husbands were. I think Bill is trying to calm me now to relax and enjoy and smile and love. I am just so very sad that I did not adopt this demeanor while he was still with me. Miss him a lot today. Sorry !
Thanks, Heady. My guy and I are all right; it's everyone around us that seems to be really suffering. I was away to be with my sister and the family who could gather; my brother-in-law went to the hospital with the flu two weeks ago and it turns out he has lymphoma and is not expected to survive the week. It's really sad - and the ICU nurses are shockingly irrational and cruel. I have never seen such consistently rotten behavior in my life. It has made it all so much more horrible than it needed to be.
My guy was, on the other hand, taken care of cheerfully and lovingly and intelligently and well at the local veterans hospital while I was away. I adore those women one and all.
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