Finding it hard to accept my dads no longer here :(

It's been 2 weeks and we held the funeral Monday. I'm so down I know dad would not want to see me or my family feeling this way. I just can't help feeling hurt and angry because of CBD taking my dad from us :( anyone who's been there any support would be great right now :(

It's also my birthday today and I can't even enjoy it without dad this time last year we were shopping together and having a baileys just feel empty :( xxx

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19 Replies

  • Rologirl, I am sorry you are feeling sad. I can't really offer any advice or practical help except to say that I know how you feel. My husband died six weeks ago and it is very hard, particularly on the special occasions. I think it's very normal to feel angry, although that's not much help to you! Do try to enjoy your birthday, you know he would want you to, and certainly have a Baileys and a toast to him. 🍸🎀

    Vicki x

  • Thank you Vicki means a lot right now miss him so much even though I accept he's not living with that dreadful illness anymore x

  • I am sorry for your loss Rg. And though it doesn't feel happy, Happy Birthday anyway. there is no way around this feeling, but there is healing and overcoming and remembering times when CBD was not your father's fatal enemy. Take hold of those good memories and begin to move on...Remember too that we are still here for you...and so is the Lord....


    Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee.yea, I will help the ; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness.....Isaiah 41:10

    Casting your cares upon Him; for He careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7

  • Many happy returns of the day to you Rologirl, on behalf of your family on here and of course your Dad.

    Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays, are all going to remind you of your Dad, with your birthday and Christmas to follow, so soon after your Dads death, it is going to hurt. Nothing can change that. On the other hand, do you want it to change? If you didn't feel like this, it would be very wrong.

    Yes, you are angry, that's natural, this evil disease has taken your Father away. You have every right to be livid. Go somewhere quiet and scream as loud as you can, cry, kick a wall, (very carefully!) anything to get you through this feeling. Then, like Vicki has said, pour a large glass of Baileys and salute your Dad, remember your shopping visit, laugh at the memories it brings back. Most of all, remember despite everything CBD has taken from you, it can NEVER take away the love you and your Dad shared or those wonderful memories.

    Sending huge hug, from someone who knows what you are going through and is dreading that empty feeling, in a couple of weeks, when it never seems to be my birthday, until Dad has phoned. I lost him to cancer 14 years ago. You never stop feeling that way, but now that raw pain, is a comfort and to be cherished, because I lost someone special.

    Lots of love


  • Dear Rologirl

    Why wouldn't you feel upset and angry? Quite normal I'd say! Grieving takes time and is a long, difficult and painful journey but at least your dad is free now of this wretched illness! I understand your not in the mood for your birthday but why not have a lil glass of baileys, raise it to your dad and tell him you love him!!! Big hugs x

  • Well Happy Birthday Rologirl79, loosing someone you were very close with like a parent is devastating, add to it the suffering you witnessed makes it even worse. I am not going to tell you that he is at peace now, because you don't need to hear that, you want your old dad back I get that.

    When we lost my father in law, it was something that only a family can understand, I hurt like nothing else. Ourr nightly family gatherings evolved into discussions about him, we laughted, we cried and it brought us together.

    Have your Baily's, raise a toast to your dad, I think he is still very near you, he is always in your heart nothin can ever take that away.

    There will be times that you think you cannot bear the pain in your heart, but with every passing day you will get a little stronger. Remember him and celebrate his life, afterall, you are a piece of him.. Peace to you all

  • I sympathize, I do I do. I still feel the loss of my dear father 8 years later, and he was 84 and had a good life right to the end. Things do get better, though; you learn to bear the grief. It is those who never love who never lose, and who would envy that? I strongly encourage you to do something meaningful to you to mark this day and share it with your father in memory. A walk, a movie you both liked, a raised glass, a conversation about him with a friend, just something deliberate and formal.

    it may be late in the day for this, but I wish you what happiness there can be for you on this birthday, at least in loving memory of the father you loved.

  • I have also lost my dad, although it was 19 years ago.

    Remember back beyond CBD to the good times you had together and what he taught you! My dad died of a brain tumour and my husband's recent fight with CBD brought all that back.

    He died 5 months ago and I am still coming to terms with the loss of him too.

    Yes, like others I say enjoy your Baileys! I drank all the bottles of red wine my husband so loved! Only 6 so not too hard!

    Remember the good days, and try and put aside the illness! I know how hard that is!! But keep trying! I have to persuade myself to get out and about, meet friends and go on outings.

    We are all here for you and have experienced where you are! We are possibly better than a counsellor, but go and see one if you think it will help.

    You are very raw at the moment and if your family is like mine, they will have gone back to their own lives!

    Give yourself a few weeks off from doing and just exist, and remember. It is OK to cry. It helps the grieving process.

    Thinking of you on the journey to recovery from care of another. Now you need to think more about yourself and what you can do with the new time on your hands!

    Big hug!

    Jen xxxx

  • hi rog I can only agree with what has been written already except life goes on mate

    good luck and best wishes to you peter jones q.l.d.australa psp bloke

  • And aren't we a grand band of fighters! On we go, hand in hand across the world. Love to you on the other side, Mr. Jones!

  • I can tell you first hand that it was lovely to meet someone who had the ,same condition as me mate I'm talking about bindi of course they have just left here they were a nice couple mate I bet she was a gal a fun loving person before psp took a hold of her not that she isn't fun loving now matey I found them both very nice and if you can meet up with someone I urge you to do it mates.'''''''''''' a bit unsure about it at first but it was very uplifting peter jones qld australia psp bloke

    a very nice day matey

  • Oh, how lovely! I'm so glad you all were able to make that happen! Wish we could have been there as well, of course. Thanks for telling us about it. Love, ec

  • Agree with all above. We never really " get over " the loss of a loved one. But in time we get used to the hole in our heart. The first anniversary of anything is most painful. Do what you feel best doing, whether its marking it in some way or just feeling miserable. Trust your gut feeling and go with it. all here.

    Love and a big hug, Jean xx

  • Thank you so much everyone means a lot I'm feeling more positive today I just need to focus on my mum and family now as there going through the same thing. I know my dad and he certainly would not want me to become depressed. I have 2 wonderful boys and a loving husband so I need to make sure they come first as I know that's what dad would tell me xxxxx

  • I just looked back at your first post. Your father was diagnosed 8 years ago, it seems. You and your family have been living with this a long time. Rest and treat yourself gently for a bit. Love and peace, Easterncedar

  • Thats the spirit !

    love, Jean x

  • It was just under 9 years :( I think that's why it gets to me more because the last 3 years he really did suffer :( it's such a cruel illness to have. I do know he's now at peace from it but that does not take away my emptiness he was such a great dad xxx

  • Hi Rologirl, it's hard, very hard but if it were you who had left the family, would you want them to be sad all the time or would you rather know they were building a new life, not forgetting you, but enjoying life again. My darling husband left me nearly 6 weeks ago. We were married for 44 years and rarely spent a night apart but when he was first diagnosed he told me to live life to the full when he had gone. He even told me to get married again, something I have no intention of doing. Yesterday I returned from Budapest with 5 other widows all determined to live life to the full. None of us know how long we have on earth so don't waste a moment. Every day I have a little weep about something but I say out loud, come on girl, pull yourself together. Friends and family help a lot but it is only me who can change the way I feel at any given moment. I have 3 sons and hopefully they will out live me and remember the good times we had together not the horrid things.

    We all grieve in different ways. Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries etc are tough for all of us who have lost loved ones. There will be tears and regrets but there is nothing we can do to change what has happened. Things will get easier. Two weeks is nothing and it's your birthday so you are going to feel upset but pour yourself a Bailey's and if you have anyone you can share it with, pour them one as well and toast your dad and think of something funny that happened with him then tomorrow try to do something you really enjoy.

    Sending you a big hug.


  • Thank you everyone means a lot. I know there is suffering all over the world so we have to live our lives best we can getting your replys help me a lot so thank you xxx

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