Nearly 200 people turned up to say goodbye to Colin on Friday. Our church seats 164 and folding chairs were put up in the area where coffee is served. 16 of us followed Colin to the church and we were asked to go in before him. I saw the crowd through the large window and the tears started to flow and I couldn't move when our 6 year old foster grandson said, "It's alright Nanna B, you are allowed to cry". He and his "brother" took both hands and we went in. Colin followed to the the Moonlight Serenade by Glenn Miller. Pictures of Colin and our family were projected on several screens around the church. Two of our sons spoke affectionately of their dad, our daughter in law read a poem and then my ukulele group played "Things" while our grandchildren gave out wrapped chocolates to everyone, Colin always offered sweets or biscuits to all visitors. After hymns, a bible reading, prayers and a talk by the pastor, Colin left the church, once again to Moonlight Serenade and me and the family left to wave him off and say goodbye, more tears. We didn't go to the crematoriam with him and went back into the church for the last hymn. The service ended with the theme from the Archers as we left for the local pub/restaurant. I had booked afternoon tea for 100 but 122 people had cups of tea (according to the invoice!) and others went straight for the bar. We were there talking to friends and relatives for three hours and then many of us walked to the local park near our house for the firework display to music. As the first group of fireworks zoomed into the sky we all shouted goodbye Colin, dad, grandad, more tears but also laughter.
The next chapter of my life has begun. After the funeral, 5 of my friends booked a four day break in Budapest for me as well, for the end of this month. On Saturday I had a phone call asking if I wanted to go to the Albert Hall Classical Spectacular as someone can't join the coach and wants me to go instead. Today I went back to church, more tears, and stayed to lunch as a farewell to our pastor as he starts a new job.
As I sit here in a room surrounded by cards and flowers I feel so blessed to have so many friends and so pleased I forced myself to remain in contact with as many folk as possible, meeting them when Colin had a sitter and inviting folk in for coffee, takeaways etc. I met 4 of the 5 I'm going to Budapest with, well after Colin was diagnosed. The other had a daughter in the same primary class as our 38 year old son and I hadn't seen her for years. So folks, don't cut yourself off. If you can't get out, get people in. I found very few declined a coffee or a meal or just a chat.
I still go into the dining room to tell Colin something and my heart lurches when I see the table instead of the bed but I'm sure things will get better.
My prayers are now for all affected by PSP, those living with it like our dear friends Jill and Peter Jones (Thank God you are back with us Peter) and those caring for them. My darling knew where he was going and it was his decision to leave and I know he is OK now so I'm going to try to live the retirement we should have had together. I'll be with friends but he will always be with me.
I'll still read posts as I can't just forget you but won't contribute as much.
Sending you all lots of love a great big hug.
Nanna B AKA Bev
XxxX
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What a lovely moving post NannaB, with tears in my eyes you should be so proud. Enjoy your short break in Budapest, and thank you for all your support you've have given through this amazing site. Take care of yourself xxxxxxxxx
Bev, sitting her with tears in my eyes, felt like you and Colin, were part of the family. So glad everything went well on Friday, I was thinking about you. Bev you have been an inspiration to me and loads more people, I don't think Bev I would have got this far without you, with loads of advice, and a gentle shoulder to cry on!!!!!
Will look forward to your post whenever you decide you want to, I understand that it will be less frequent, but now and again would be lovely. Have a lovely holiday, and a great time at the royal Albert hall, you deserve it, Colin will always be with his darling. Thank you once again Bev for all your great help. Sending you a massive hug. Yvonne xxxxx
Darling Bev I just read your posts to mum and cried, just beautiful and thank you for telling us about your darling Colin's send off!
Now is your new chapter and you will get through because you have your beliefs, family and friends!
Enjoy every single moment of your days out, holidays and seeing your friends! Life is short and sometimes crap but you darling nannab are inspirational and a true pleasure to have known!!
I'll ask one thing and that's simply this, keep us posted on your holidays etc, because you give me hope for mine and mums future!! X
Sitting here crying and I am a relative Newbie! However despite your own problems you took the time to welcome me and suggest things to me.
What a send off your Colin had. He deserved it too after all he went through. I really loved the fireworks. You will all remember those and your grandchildren in particular. They sound so very sweet. Just like their Nanna!
I hope you keep in touch. To give us hope as Satt2015 said.
Marie_14 x x (a huge hug to you). Enjoy your holiday and anything else that comes your way. God Bless you Bev.
What a moving and emotional send off for Colin, be proud of yourself and family. Be gentle with yourself, enjoy your new 'freedom' but allow yourself time to grieve, be sad yet find a new, different, happy life. Remember 'this time will pass'. Colin will always be with you, no matter what the future holds for you. I was thinking of you all Friday. Lol jingles 243.
What a beautiful send off, a loving day to say goodbye, I have tears in my eyes too but also i'm smiling at the lovely things that your grandchildren said, so sweet. You really are a wonderful person and I so admire you, you do inspire me to be strong more than you know. God bless and sending my love to you and your family . xxx
That's the way to do it, Bev !!! I love Glenn Miller but laughed out loud at the Archers. Chris and I always laugh remembering Billie Connelly saying The Archers tune should be the National Anthem !! It all sounds so appropriate for Colin. And lovely for the children.
I know you have cared for someone for years - parents and Colin. It will be a new chapter now. Good luck. Will be in touch.
Lots of love and great big hug, Jean and Chris xxx
You should be so proud of yourself, you said your goodbyes to Colin exactly the way he would have wished.
I've been thinking of you constantly and have shed many tears for you, it's time now for you to live the rest of your life the way Colin would have wished and in the way you deserve. Be happy Bev, I will be eternally grateful for your strength and sound advice, please don't lose touch you are a vital part of this lovely PSP family and we would miss you.....
Dearest Bev, there have been some moving posts on here before, but yours took it to another level.
I am going to miss you NannaB, you have always been there for me in my darkest hours, always showing me the way, helping me find that inner strength, that it takes to be able to care for your loved one. I often say to myself, in dire moments, what would NannaB do? I am sure a lot of the time, we did exactly the same, kick and scream.
Colin's Furneral sounds very moving, especially the music, my brother in law played Moonlight serenade on the organ, at my Dads. It was one of his favourite pieces of music.
I do hope that you enjoy the next part of your life's adventure. I know it's not how you planned or wanted, its just as it is. Remember all the things, that you learnt during your life with Colin, even what PSP has taught you about yourself and put it all to good use. You are still are fairly young woman, go out and grab what ever life throws at you next. So when you finally meet up with Colin again, you have plenty to tell him.
Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for everything you have contributed to, on this site. Now go, go and have the time of your life, my friend, you deserve it.
Thank you Heady. I'm going to try and start my retirement but you will all only be a click away and I still need to know how you are doing so you keep posting and I'll keep reading.
Dear NannaB, Thank you for sharing your last goodbye to Colin, you must have been so proud of your family and friends in their participation in the ceremony, and the comment of your 6 year old grandson brought me to tears.
Thank you for responding to my posts, your guidance, comforting and encouraging words were greatly appreciated and helped me so much.
How you cared for Colin, in my mind, was nothing short of amazing, I only hope and pray I can do something similar for W.
Enjoy Budapest and the Royal Albert Hall with your friends and the rest of your retirement.
Sending you all my love, Nanny857 xxx
PS. I am going to take your advice and start meeting up or inviting friends over for coffee/chat. Will also look forward to any future contributions you make. Take care.
I have been thinking of you Bev , but knew that as always would do it your way .
you will move on now knowing that you could not have done any more than you did for your beloved Colin .
A very old friend recently lost her husband and did a simllar thing .
He aske her one day to go out to a friend for coffee .. He had cancer and was near the end . He had contacted a funeral director to visit him and made all the arrangements himself .
No one was to go the the crematorium , he wanted them all to go to their home , to be with his wife and family and in their case held a bar b cue .
he knew how difficult it would be for his wife at the time He did it his way .
I a, sure you will have a lovely time with your friends . Take your time
. BEv .
What sort of concert is at the R A H . My neice is going to be in one she plays viola . I must check which date . RIP Colin . ITs your tun now Bev xxhugs
It sounds like a very beautiful service. I am so glad you have friends to lead you into this new chapter. I'm sorry for your loss and pain but you are strong and will get through this.
I am glad that you are moving forward with your life . You know Collin would have wanted it that way. It sounds like his farewell or celebration of his life we call it here these days was very moving. Bev you did an amazing job caring for him and all of us too. please stay in touch we will sure miss you.
Hi there Bev... and I must say how inspirational reading your post has been for me - in fact, I really wish that I wasn't the patient!!!! I must admit also that your description reminded me so much of two services which I was very involved in over 14 years ago now. You do write incredibly well.... maybe down the track you might consider writing about all your experiences....🙂🙂🙂🍷🍷🍷🍷🍓🍓🍓🍒🍒🍒🍒 x x x x
Ha ha! I wouldn't get past the first chapter. I have loads of diaries that have only got through the first week in January. It's something I'd like to do but am not disciplined enough.
Dear Nana B,so lovely for C to go like that Enjoy your retirement now.Friday I visited 2month old grandson in Kent, Maybe I saw one of Colins fireworks it was extra bright! Like you I won't be here so regularly but still in touch Paulinexx
What a wonderfully inspiring post to read on a cold dank Monday morning. Even though we have never met you have given so much help and support to us through sharing your wisdom and experience X
Dea Bev, that sounds like an amazing farewell to Colin by both family and friends. Isn't it funny how the funeral service is so sad but the wake is a celebration of lifes journey and people talk about all the good times. You and Colin both deserved those kind and supportive people to see you through this journey and now you can start on the next chapter but always looking back on on previous chapters to reflect on the good and difficult times you have both been through. Lots of firework activity at the weekend and I was think of you both as the sky lit up. Take care dear Bev and will be in touch.
What a wonderful and beautiful send-off for Colin! You both were so blessed to have each other. Now that he is safe in our Saviors arms, enjoy your life. You deserve it!
Im sorry for your loss. Sounds like quite a lovely send off. And you have a great family and thoughtful friends. This is your time to relax and reflect. Enjoy your time in Budapest.
Your post was so moving and so uplifting. I wish you every happiness in the future and thank you for the wonderful support you have offered so many of us in the recent past. Your advice as ever practical - I have sometimes felt guilty spending the day with a friend while my hubby at Hospice never again I am investing in a future!! Take care and enjoy Budapest the start of a new era.
Bev, he will always be watching over you to make sure you are ok. Remember all the people who loved him. Take care of yourself. He is at peace. Huge hug and love with tears in my eyes.
Nanna B. I'm so sorry to hear Colin has passed. I have just read your last few posts. I'm not on here as much now either. I just wanted to say thank you. You were always so quick to respond,be there and have a reassuring and comforting turn of phrase. It sounds like you have a great community around you which I hope you can draw strength from and hope that in time PSP fades to the back and you remember and treasure the amazing times you had together. Much love x
My heart is breaking for you. Tears are flowing from my eyes and heart. I have found a song that has helped me find God again. I thought he was gone from my life and heart. I wish that I could be there to hold you, I am so grateful you have so many family and friends close.
What a lovely song Deb. If you have known God and then something like PSP happens, it is so easy to feel he has left you and that thought, how can a loving God let this happen? comes into your mind. I've never lost my faith as He is too real to me but many times I have screamed, cried, shouted at Him when yet again we had to get used to another dive in Colin's health. I don't think it's wrong to cry to God. On the cross, Jesus is said to have cried out, Father, why have you forsaken me so I think it's OK for us to as well. God, my family, friends and family on this site got me through and I pray you will get through this OK as well.
Lovely post, Bev. Do tell us every once in a while what life is like on the other side of PSP. I do hope and believe you will find your way to another happiness.
Dear Bev, that is a beautiful post, first to last. You have always set a great example of how to live with psp, with grace, humor and courage, love and ukuleles. Thanks for all the help. I'm glad you are so well prepared for your next adventures. Love and peace, Easterncedar
Aren't children amazing at being grown up when they know the grown up is feeling sad.
I know nearly everyone on this site says you've been an inspiration, but I listened to your words, that you made more friends after Colin's diagnosis than you had before, so I've joined the U3a, which i'd intended to do before Fs diagnosis, but never got around to, and then thought what's the point, and have recently got in touch with some old friends, (they popped round with flowers for me the day after my car accident) I went to them for lunch last week while Fred was at the hospice, hopefully they'll come to me next and Fred can be included. So thank you NannaB, for encouraging to think that maybe I can care for F, and try and remain human.
Hi Debbie, I'm so pleased you have taken the step to do more for you. Believe me, it is well worth it. I'm now having to turn invitations down as they clash. Last Saturday I had two separate invitations to join friends for a takeaway at their houses. I couldn't go to either but told them both, of their invites and they ended up meeting up and eating together. They did know each other but hadn't planned on getting together. I did feel a pang of guilt sometimes when I was out doing stuff and Colin was at home but only a pang as I knew I couldn't carry on looking after him without that respite and I always had something interesting to talk to him about when I got home.
Looking back even after his short time I wonder how I did it but we do have this inner strength when we need it don't we.
Oh my Nanna B i am still crying now after reading your post. Such a truly beautiful send off and it must have warmed your heart seeing everyone there supporting you and your family and showing the love they all felt for you both. Enjoy your trip to Budapest knowing that Colin will always be with you and holding your hand. Take care and thank you for all the help and support you have given me. Lots of love Nana B xxxx
Dear NannaB. All the very best for the future. I will always be grateful for the down to earth advise you gave me and all the other PSP families. Lots of love maddy x
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