This weekend I have to decide whether Keith needs to go into permanent care, all the tools have been put in place (very quickly!) by CHC and the district nurse. She says she is very worried about me and that it's too much for me to cope with!
This is the hardest decision of my life and I just don't know what to do, one minute I'm thinking I can cope and then something awful happens and I'm back to I can't do this any more! I had to use the standing hoist on my own last night, Keith had gone to bed early as he was very tired and after two hours wanted to get up again as he'd had an accident in his pants. Don't ask how I did it, I really don't know, but I managed to get him standing and clean.
I'm thinking that I need to have a family get together and discuss it with our children, the two boys have already accepted that this is inevitable, I daren't even mention it to Emma, she's struggling to cope with her Dads illness as all of them are, this is just so horrible, I feel sick all the time, can't stop crying and can't sleep properly!
What on this earth am I to do?