For the past month or so I have been told by both my GP and people worried about me caring alone for my husband, that the time has come for me to seriously consider a care home for him. Although he goes to a daycentre 4 days a week, he is now extremely unstable on his feet and will fall now when using his walker. Due to the fact that there is little he can do now his sleep needs are minimal and he often wants to get up at 3am. He says he sees me as the person who has to look after him and keep him safe, the empathy went about 18 months ago, its the hardest symptom to deal with for me.
I don't have family helping me and my friends live miles away, the people that live in our complex are helpful but all have their own issues. Finally on Sunday the penny dropped that I was not able to keep myself safe here anymore, started doing stupid things and realised I was beyond tired. My husband is not able to do much for himself at home, including getting up from the sofa for any reason. I had a serious medical situation some years ago that has left me with poor stomach muscles and being very slight lifting him is causing me pain. We recently got the ok for him to have a powered wheelchair, great, but how do I get him from that onto the toilet etc, its going to take more than I can do.
I have, very reluctantly, talked to him about his care elsewhere and he surprised me by saying 'I don't want to go, but you can't do this forever.' We have a lovely home just down the road from us and I am visiting later this week before taking him down there. If we can get him into this home I am convinced our relationship will change for the better as he can't possibly see me as only his carer. However I do feel that I have failed him so much, besides lots of you continue to the end, I question what is wrong with me and have been in floods of tears since making the decision. Now thinking I should carry on with him at home for a while longer