Took D to the cardio was told his pacer is working 100% of the time. Guess that is what keeping him with me and I can't bear the thought of being without him. He is getting weaker, heart or PSP, I don't know.  Still walking fortunately but having to dress him a lot. Supposedly the rotten co is sending a aide tomorrow. They are giving me a very hard time. Sent an idiot last week I think, or might have been the week before. I usually keep our dogs in a room she won't have to go into too but 2 of them got out I am thinking Don opened the door. She jumped on our kitchen counter and started screaming almost broke his glasses. Stupid idiot. My poor dogs just stood there looking at her. Their expressions were like WTH is she doing.  Am loosing track of time and days which mortifies me. His dementia is getting worse and his appetite is declining. What more can I say. Today was our anniversary 57 years and if he leaves me I  know I will not be able to live without him. He is the love of my life but I don't want him to suffer.

36 Replies

  • So sorry you are having a rotten week. To say happy anniversary doesn't seem very appropriate but I hope there is something good about today.  57 years is an achievement and deserves congratulations. 

    I know to you the screaming lady on your kitchen counter was an aggravation but I have to admit that the picture in my mind made me smile.  How many dogs do you have and what breed? 

    I always think it is hard for us on special days, especially anniversaries when we look back at how things were on our wedding day, never imagining the future would be like this.  I try not to dwell on what it will be like when C isn't here any more, it's too depressing but I have a group of widowed friends and with support, they have learnt to enjoy themselves again so hope it will happen for me.

    I hope the aide tomorrow is more helpful and not scared of dogs.

    Sending you a big anniversary hug and lots of love.


  • NannyB, it didn't upset me it made me laugh, not in front of her and thankfully won't be back. My poor 3 dogs, 3 Poodles, just looked at her like WTH is she doing and then followed me back into the bedroom. They are 2 standards and a toy and they always, well most of the time listen to me. The aide  today was also afraid of dogs but a pleasant woman who even gave D a haircut with his shower. They did get out again, I keep them in a room with the door closed when they come for the 2 hours. She also managed to do a wash for me, empty the dishwasher and put the dishes in the sink in there, fold the clothes in a basket. I just hope to hell they send her and not some  idiot on Friday. I got her telephone number since she was so sweet and capable.

    TY for the love and hug, means a lot to me.

    Auddonz (Audrey)

  • @Auddonz

  • I am sorry for your drama  worker but got good chuckle out  of the idiot on your kitchen counter. I thought We had some most of the nut cases right here in Alberta. I do hope you and your husband have a lot more time together. My husband of 50 years is also declining yet we are grateful to be together even if our home is starting to look like a long term care facility. Home is still the best place crazy workers and all. Keep your sense of humor. It is your best defense at times.


  • Sense of humor seems to have disappeared Noella21. I have enough  drama all day to keep wanting only to sleep and rest or relax. But as we all know, whats that?


  • I'm so pleased you had a laugh about it. I'm amazed at the things I laugh about but better than crying about them.  I had a miniature poodle for 12 years when I was at home.  She came from a house that had dozens of neglected poodles and mum got her straight from the house, she didn't go to a rescue centre first, I don't think there were many in the early 1960s.  I was walking home from school and a neighbour called across the road, "Your mum's got a chocolate poodle".  I remember thinking I've seen chocolate chicks at Easter but never seen chocolate dogs. When I went in doors there was this little brown matted mop in the corner of the room. She had never been brushed or clipped or walked outside so her claws curled round and the smell was awful.  The next day I came home to a bald rat. She slept with me for years, until I left home to get married in fact and was my constant companion.

    Keeping three groomed must take up quite a time but takes you away from PSP for a bit and the distraction must be worth the effort.

    Your aide sounds brilliant. I hope she becomes a regular one.

    Have a good day.


  • Happy Anniversary

    I hope you found a way to celebrate


  • loppylugs, Just having him with me is my celebration of another day.

    Auddonz xoxo

  • Oh I'm so so sorry you are facing this but wow 57 years is fantastic. My parents got 53 before dad left us almost 4 weeks ago. It's not easy and mam is struggling but your loved one wouldn't want you to feel so sad, (says me who cries almost daily). We are reasured that it gets easier and I'm sure it does in time. My prayers are with you and you sound like your doing a marvellous job all my love xxx

  • TY Andyclairea1, TY for your kind words. Yes I cry everyday but at least the darn aide came today for 2 hours, a new one, they are short handed. He got a nice shower, she even trimmed his hair, did a load of wash for me and folded what was in a basket, unloaded the dishwasher and put in it what was in the sink. I just wish I wasn't so tired and I know he will be with me with what his cardio said, he now has 2 hearts with the pacer taking over what is not working well now. Just praying I can keep him with me for a long time.Wish I had more help but you can't have everything in life.

    Love back,


  • Audrey sending you the biggest hug ever, keep strong I know it is hard, but one day at a time, I could just imagine the aid on the work top, let's hope the one today is better.  Happy anniversary 57 years is an achievement 🌹🌹🌹🌹hope you and D can enjoy your day.  Yvonne xxxxx

  • Yvonnne, TY for the biggest hug, I need them so badly. It was a quiet day, the first he didn't draw a card for me and he is getting worse I didn't say a word. It was just another dayin our lives. The news that his pacer works 100% of the time shook me up but according to him he now has two hearts.

    Auddonz xoxo

  • Happy anniversary Audrey and Don, hope you manage to have a lovely day, sending you both my love.....Pat xx😘💏

  • thoughts are with you.. Virtual hug as my granddaughter says.

  • Happy anniversary Audry and Don, enjoy the day if you can.  Try to remember some good times with him, 1959 wow  what a year.

    Best wishes to you both (and the dogs). Tim

  • The year I was born! How are you Tim x

  • TY Tim, it was a quiet day, he is forgetting more and more and getting weaker, which is breaking my heart more.


  • Oh please don't hate me or think I'm insensitive but your post made me laugh so much tears streamed down my face-so I got a good laugh and cry at the same time! Just picturing the nitwit up on the counter table screaming and the dogs looking up at her like WTF ...I'm laughing again. I had paramedics arrive to take my husband to the hospital. I have a large imposing looking dog who was sprawled in the entryway. When they looked hesitant to come in I assured them he was friendly and they walked timidly around him. I pointed to where my husband was ( within eyesight of the dog), and one asked it I could put him in another room as even friendly dogs become hostile when they handle their owners. I glanced over at our 11 year old dog and said," Does he look like he's going anywhere?". When he did not answer I said," You move him". By this time three more strapping young fireman had arrived and were watching from the doorway. One laughed and looked from the dog to the paramedic and said,"Good luck with that", and stepped over him to get to my husband. When they had him on the gurney Buddy (dog) gave them a look like careful guys-but did not move. They stepped over him. When the one that asked me to move him ( the last one out) was stepping carefully around him (with much trepidation), Buddy jumped up (faster than I've seen him move in years) and the guy high tailed after his crew like there was a fire. I laughed so hard and told the dog to be a good watchdog and locked up. He was still in the same place when I came home hours later (after they admitted my husband to the hospital) to take him out. 

    Happy Anniversary to you both.

    And don't feel bad-I lose track of what day it is all the time. A nurse showed up the other day and I looked at her dumfounded like what are you doing here. Seeing my confusion she said,"It's thursday". Which really threw me for a loop as I had no idea what day it was. She just looked at me and shook her head. I get a lot of that theses days so it's not just you. Thanks for the laugh-and cry:)

  • Gosh.  PSP, heart disease, dementia and dogs! 

    You are awesome!

    Happy anniversary. x

  • TY formercarer. I will survive.


  • Happy Anniversary!   I'm hoping Kim and I make it to our 35th this June.  I too, don't know what I will do after she passes, but I know she would want me to be strong and live life the fullest.  I plan to spend more time volunteering and being even more active with CurePSP.   We have to win this battle some day soon.  My mission in life. 


  • ROTTEN WEEK TOO, spent from 2pm mon till 11pm in a&e with my my mum, she's now in hospital, wonder how much more I can cope with x

  • And it's not mum that's got PSP! That's my husband 

  • Rotten week got more rotten and there's still Sunday to go, it's 2am, just got back from hospital with hubby, was up nearly all night last night (Friday)as he fell and had to call 999, and Friday I drove from Cheshunt to East Sussex to our holiday home, as there was no visiting on ward mums because of nova virus, to come back home today(Saturday) incase F had to be admitted to hospital, couldn't cope if they were nearly 100 miles apart

    Think my nearest and dearest should stay in bed tomorrow so I can avoid a&e! 

  • Poor Debbieann, Just read your post. It seems that a lot of us are having a rotten, miserable lousy week. Just got my honey into bed He is getting more and more rigid. Wondering if he has an infection of some kind or is it progressing. Since he almost fell last night at 2 in the morning, praying he sleeps tonight. Spent almost the whole day in bed with me next to him. I just spent about 3/4 of an hour helping him undress and getting him into bed and of course giving him his meds. Just realized I am short on mine and hope they are open tomorrow, I order them mail order to get more before I run out of them. Going to crawl into bed now myself. What do you mean by a&e? I am following your posts. Wish we were all on FB so that we could see one another. I know I posted a pic a while ago of us but don't know how to find it.

    Auddonz (aka Audrey)

  • Not sure of the American equivalent casualty or emergency? X

  • I don't know what you mean Debbieann.

  • Sorry to hear this, what a bummer, I do hope she is out of hospital soon, it's bad enough caring for someone with psp,let alone coping with anything else.x

  • Try to stay strong Debbieann. Not easy but try.


  • 57 years, wow that is some achievement and I hope you found a little bit of happiness on the day. You did put a smile on my face with the story about the dogs, I hope you saw the funny side of it after the event, not too much to laugh at on a normal day but that one is a corker. I know what you mean about loosing him and how you will cope. Most people find a way to carry on and find enjoyment in life although it takes time. When my mum lost my dad she never stopped talking about him but did live a fulfilling life despite always missing him. Please look after yourself and I wish you both well. Kate xx

  • TY Kate xoxo

  • Oh, my, the visual you created with your words is priceless.  I loved reading it.  Thank you.....but I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have PSP and will "celebrate", with my husband, our 50th in August this year.  We certainly can't celebrate like we used to. I must say, I am not afraid to die from PSP, just am doing all I can to make sure death isn't from choking.  I do suggest that you mention to the agency sending help out that you have a dog and you need people who are NOT afraid of dogs.  I have a dog who is a love but if you are afraid of dogs just the fact that she runs up to you to welcome you can be nerve racking.  I have a lady who comes three times a week but I made sure she knew about the dog before she came out. I hope your week gets better and you are able to laugh at the funny events.  I hope you can always laugh more than you cry!  Love, Mary B.

  • Mary B, they are all afraid of my poor dogs so I put them in a room and close the door for the 2 hours they are here.


  • I know how that feels. We have been married 54 years and he no longer celebrates     birthdays or Christmas or anything, contrary to how he always was. Its really painful.

    But the picture of the aide on the counter made me laugh so much. I do have sympathy for people who are scared though. I have seen how they can aggravate a situation in their fear. In their mind the small dog looms large.

    Mind you, your dog did move fast at the end !!!

    love, Jean x

  • Yes Jean, the dogs thought she was very weird to say they least. They looked at her like WTH is she doing. Wish I had a camera in my hand and could have taken of her and my poor babies. Remember we have 3 dogs, and even though they are Poodles, 2 of them are the size of a Shepard. Will see how the aide who came Wed and who also was not thrilled with them deals with them. I have to remember if they get out of the room I put them in and D opens the door accidently, he doesn't remember to keep it closed, that the only thing they are afraid of is a rolled up magazine or newspaper. They will back away  from either one. I never would hit any of my dogs with my hand, never have and never will. Glad you had a laugh though 


    Audrey (aka Auddonz)

  • Wow!!! 57 years together. We will never hit that mark. You should be so proud. This July will be our 40. Happy Anniversary late. 

    The dog story is too funny. Thank you for that happy moment in my day. I have a lab. 

    My husband has been drinking his food through a straw for about a year now. He is down to no more than 2 meals a day. He lost 75 pounds in the first year because of not eating. They say people with neurology problems should not lose a lot of weight.

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